Welcome To My Mind

I write in my diary and I feel the pages judging me.

Sometimes I think I'd be a lot happier if I was just stupid. If I didn't understand life as deeply as I do.

You I feel so close to you despite the 900 miles between us. Despite not being able to touch you or kiss you or hold you. I feel close to you. Much closer than I’ve ever felt to any boy. I feel so much for you in such a short amount of time. You You’re the one I’d hop on a 2 am flight for just to see you for one day. You’re the one I’d drop it all for. Run away. Leave my past of agony behind me. You You You You’re the one I want to be with.

There is something about these closely-spaced houses that make me feel claustrophobic. There is something about these green, undying trees that seems so fake. There is something in the air of this whole city that is toxic to my lungs, yet breathable to everyone else.

Someone once asked me if I believed in fate and I told them yes. And to this day, I still do. However, if you love someone that doesn’t mean wait for the universe to push you two together. You have to make that happen. Now if you have an old friend and you guys part ways but then 2 years later you both end up in NYC on the same street corner, that is fate.

The way I crush is complicated. You don’t have to be model material, have abs, and a perfect personality. In fact, I’m attracted to quirks and flaws. I adore the small things such as his eyes creasing when he smiles, or maybe even the crack in his voice when he gets nervous. Or perhaps his terrible dancing skill or the way he looks down instead of up when he’s walking. I crush on all the quirky things. All the flaws. It’s not about perfection. It’s about who views you as it.

My life is like a two-way mirror. I can see everyone happy, but no one can see me sad.

The emptiness fills me.

I am so lost that I forgot my destination.

“I miss you” is such a generic saying. People say it freely, sometimes meaninglessly. But then at times, there’s moments where it means something. Like when you’re lying awake in bed at night on the other person’s side and you can feel the absence of the person and the small ache in your heart.

Sometimes I look at the stars and realize that all 7 billion of us walk on the same ground, breathe the same air, yet we all live different lives. I imagine our lonely planet in the dark. I imagine the trillions of other planets out there. It is in moments like this I realize my problems are so small. It is in moments like this I realize we are all so small.

Everything looks so much prettier in the pictures.

I sit in this pink room, In my pink sheets, With my pink eyes, And my pink cheeks, And yet I feel so blue.

She had stars in her eyes, but remember stars can't shine without darkness.

Numbers control our lives. It's all about our grades, our GPA's, our bank accounts, our followers. I'm sick of being defined by numbers. I am a person, not a number.

When I turn off the lights and my room goes dark, so does my mind.

When I told you my story I never asked you to publish it.