Texts from Leverage

I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?

he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again

I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.

Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.

I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye

i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..

Almost 500 followers!!! Thanks guys! I’ve filled the queue so there will be more Texts from Leverage in a little bit.

I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.

I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs

In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.

I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence

I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.

I feel like I smell like bad decisions

One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.

We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...

Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?

How did you leave without pants?