a sad asshole

If I ever seem arrogant or anything like that, please know I’m joking 100% I have zero self confidence and I sometimes pretend that I think im dead cool and awesome because I’m actually terrible so it’s mildly funny

THAT FIRST SITE IS EVERY WRITER’S DREAM DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I’VE TRIED WRITING SOMETHING AND THOUGHT GOD DAMN IS THERE A SPECIFIC WORD FOR WHAT I’M USING TWO SENTENCES TO DESCRIBE AND JUST GETTING A BUNCH OF SHIT GOOGLE RESULTS

my director yesterday was like ‘alright grab the nearest hottest person and kiss them on the lips’ as a joke so i said ‘haha i can’t kiss myself’ and no one heard except this one guy and so he stole my joke and shouted ‘I CAN’T KISS MYSELF’ really loud and everyone laughed and that’s the first time i killed man… just kidding it wasn’t the first.

INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE who are simultaneously GIANT DORKS are my ULTIMATE WEAKNESS

DEAR GOD

*Psycho theme starts playing*

do you ever type a long rant and then at the end of it you select all of it and delete it because no one cares

send this picture to your teacher they will understand

this is why designing business cards is the best part of my job

you had me at “hello” and you lost me at “i think your friend is cute”

not to be racist but my best friend is gay and i do not think she would appreciate that comment.

since when is homosexuality a race 

She said she wasn’t being racist do you even read