letters for my little ones

10.17.16

Even through a caged fence, it’s still a beautiful view. 

Don’t let an obstacle restrict your ability to see all that is lovely in the world, little ones. 

This view was a reminder for me to comply with my own advice. It hit me in the gut with a vengeance. 

There is so much ugly in the world today. This election has brought out the worst in human kind. And you can’t avoid it. Everyday, something new, something vile, something twisted, something ugly. It’s truly depressing. And that’s a simple word to describe it. 

So when I pedaled my fastest up that hill I thought was a giant, this was my view. I immediately saw the water and the trees, and a sky where the clouds danced.

Then I noticed the rusted out fence that begged to be renewed. 

2.22.16

Election season is upon us. Soon, we as Americans will take to the ballot boxes to elect our next President. Lately it seems this election could be summed up in two words: Socialism vs. Capitalism. At least this would seem the case in our household.

That dirty word, “socialism”, has surged into our daily vocabulary with the rise of Bernie Sanders. And with it, true to form, has conjured up images of our society becoming a government-run country with free will being swiped away from us all; people living and relying solely on government handouts. Sanders has proposed giving free healthcare and a free college education to all of our citizens, a plan that makes a lot of sense to me. I’ll never understand why offering free healthcare and higher education is considered so offensive and has been branded an “entitlement”. We live in the greatest, wealthiest country in the world. Why shouldn’t we want to take care of our citizens and arm every one of them with as much knowledge as we could possibly fill our brains with? These things shouldn’t be considered “entitlements”, they should be considered “rights”. I mean we send our children to public schools for free for 13 years, why must the education stop there? Especially when most careers nowadays require a Bachelor's degree to even be considered for the position. Giving kids a free education is not an entitlement, it’s giving them a fighting chance in a world of unending competition. I’m sure we can all agree we’d never send our children into battle without a weapon. Why shouldn’t we give them every tool in the shed to help them be successful?

Socialism also brings up the familiar Robin Hood mentality argument where we take from the rich to give to the poor. You hear arguments like, “the wealthy worked hard for their money and shouldn’t be penalized for their success”. And, “what incentive do those people have to work hard and make a lot of money if we’re just going to take a large chunk of it and give it the lazy, non-working members within our society?” Unfortunately, there will always be those people in the world that found cheating on the test far easier than learning the material; there’s not much we can do about that. Except maybe try to tell them how rewarding a job well done feels in hopes that they too will find the value in hard work. The fact of the matter is however, we give 50% more of our hard earned tax dollars away to big corporations like Shell, the Big 3 automakers, and Boeing just to name a few than we give to social welfare programs. But I suppose it is easier to demonize individuals needing to use social welfare to make ends meet than billion dollar corporations who don’t need it. 

When I was a little girl and given a task or project, I worked as hard as I could on it. I still do. I didn’t try my hardest because I was promised a monetary reward for its completion, but because it made me feel proud to do a great job. If the goal of the project were to end up becoming rich because of it, I would argue that the project didn’t have its priorities very straight. The completion and pride of working hard on something SHOULD be the reward. Promising a monetary reward for the completion of a task only breeds greed and muddies the water of what true satisfaction and pride feels like. 

Now, I’m not saying we shouldn’t be compensated for our hard work and that we shouldn’t want to accumulate personal wealth. But at the end of my time here, I’d like to be remembered as someone who gave back to our society in order for ALL of us to succeed, and not just for how much “stuff” I had. And really, how much “stuff” does one person really need? In the end, we won’t be taking our mansions, or our boats, or any of our other “stuff” with us. We’ll be heading to that next chapter with our memories and hopefully our self-worth. And for me, giving back is where the true wealth lies, and I’m more than happy to share. 

9.11.15

After only 5 years here, I know you don’t grasp the enormity of the day. Nor do you fully understand why your Dad is pulling our flag down the pole. And maybe that’s a good thing. You’ll have plenty of time to figure out there are monsters living amongst us in plain clothes. And that superheroes don’t wear capes – only badges and fire gear. 

So for today, we’ll have you play a role in the lowering of our flag, and we’ll do our best to teach you the importance of gratitude and remembrance. We’ll feel thankful for the brave men and women who run into burning buildings to protect us from the monsters in plain clothes, and we’ll send up our sympathy for the poor souls who woke one morning, 14 years ago, and kissed their families goodbye for the last time. And tomorrow, when the sun rises again, we’ll raise our flag back up the pole, feel the warmth on our faces and be grateful for the air in our lungs. All while doing our best to keep the monsters in plain clothes hidden from your view for as long as humanly possible. 

11.5.15

I can safely say that I haven’t really liked you two much this week. Which used to riddle me with guilt to say. Almost like being shot multiple times, but unlucky for me, the bullets would stay lodged deep inside me forever to fester. But lately, those guilt shots I fire at myself seem to heal fairly quickly. Which is a testament to just how bad you two have gotten I suppose. Spoiled and helpless behavior have run rampant. And between watching the ping-pong match of meanness thrown at each other, to the endless excuses for your lack of accountability, I’m feeling like a failure. To put it nicely, you two have been a couple of real assholes. Assholes I helped to create. I have not done a good enough job in preparing you two for life, despite my constant tirades and lectures on the subject. 

But today that ends.

I forced you two to be responsible for yourselves this morning. You had to find your own way to your multi-cultural committee meeting, and Beck, you had to find your own way to class without the help of your sister. I’m anxious to hear the pride in your voices today when you tell me how you found your way, all by yourselves.

Today’s lesson for my little ones: forcing yourselves to make the right decisions on your own will fill your hearts with unbridled pride and fulfillment. Holding yourselves accountable for responsibilities and tasks is the only way to make it through this life. I’m not always going to be here to pick up the slack you leave littered in the halls. I’ll always be your cheerleader, but accomplishing your goals on your own merit will be the best reward anyone can give you. At the very least, it’ll be hard to call you a bunch of assholes. And that my loves is at least something.

10.24.16

We used to be ambiguous -- beings that walked the planet, minding our own business without too much knowledge.

We were all ambiguous before.

I didn’t know that a kid I went to elementary school that I haven’t thought about in 30 years turned into a homophobic racist. And I didn’t know that these people whom are essentially strangers to me now take their coffee. And I didn’t know where all these strangers were 24/7. And that was better. Life was better, and easier. 

We weren’t living in an out worldly judgemental society. Because let’s face it, we ALL critique everyone, it’s just human nature. We form opinions on our “friends” about how they’re living their lives and their now grown-up opinions and views on the world. We project an image of ourselves when we put our thoughts and plans for the world to see, and those opinions and views follow us everywhere we go, because now we are all cloaked in capes of our social media existence; a scarlet letter for some. And maybe that’s okay. At least we all know where we stand. 

Now don’t get me wrong, social media is fantastic in being able to keep up with family and true friends. It’s great to be able to see how relatives who live too far away are fairing, or to read musings by people we admire. And I’m as guilty as everyone. Checking in on people we haven’t seen in decades has become an addiction of sorts. When the world finally comes crashing down, maybe we’ll all look back at the way society functioned with social media and we’ll wonder why no one started a 12-step program to wipe it out. 

4.30.15

You requested the movie, “Pinocchio”, after school today. Out of all the movies we own, you choose this one. A movie you’ve only seen once, several years ago.

This movie was made in 1940, 75 years ago, a time when life looked very different than it does now. The main idea in this masterpiece centers around a wooden puppet that comes to life with the help of a magical fairy, whom then tasks a cricket to act as his conscience. The tale gives life to the idea that your conscience truly is a person inside us all, coaching and helping us distinguish between right and wrong. 

But where do we get our moral values, our compass of sorts, that hopefully keeps the arrow in the right direction? And why does it seem that nowadays, there are a lot of broken compasses? As parents, we must be the ones to take on this responsibility. It’s our job to stock your compasses with the right coordinates and to teach you right from wrong. Next to loving you unconditionally, this is the most important task.

A week before I watched you enjoy this tale, a man by the name of Freddie Gray lost his life at the hands of police officers trying to arrest him for breaking the law. By the standards of our legal system, he was doing wrong, but putting yourself into the position of Judge and Executioner is a lofty gamble. 

I can only assume those police officers left their compasses at home that fateful morning. And I guess their Jiminy Cricket was on a lunch break when they decided that severing Freddie’s spine while he was handcuffed in the back of their van unable to defend himself was morally okay to do. It’s a scary thought to ponder – individuals out there roaming the streets with no conscience to guide them, no voice to tell them to stop.

I’m not saying that Freddie’s compass wasn’t acting up when the police stopped him that day, but it certainly wasn’t so faulted that he deserved to die. 

Some have argued that the color of his skin was the reason for his fatal beating. I sure hope not, but I fear it had a lot to do with it. I’ll never understand hating someone based on the color of his or her skin. We are all the same. We all have hopes and dreams. And we all at some point in our lives, wished upon a star with the belief that anything was possible.

Pinocchio’s fairy told him that in order to become a real boy, he must prove he possesses 3 traits: bravery, honesty, and unselfish behavior. I hope you’ll always be brave enough to fight for inequality and for the right things; things that make the world a nicer place to live in. I implore you to always speak the truth and lead by example with the coordinates your Dad and I are giving you. And I’m confident you’ll continue to always put others needs first before your own. These truly are 3 virtues that make up a great man, Beckett.

I’m thankful today that you are still here. That I get to enjoy you watching a tale written 75 years ago, a tale that just might be more important to see now than when it was originally written. 

I can’t pretend to understand how Freddie’s mother must feel today. But I’d like to think that she might be sitting quietly, with her eyes fixed to the night sky looking for that perfect star, a star she could wish upon. A star that could magically turn back the clock to when her little boy sat quietly with his hopes and dreams and his entire life ahead of him; a time when the world didn’t seem so vile. 

My deepest sympathies to you, Ms. Gray, from one mother to another. I wished upon a star tonight for the very same thing.

12.13.14