Burning Souls

For a few years now I’ve been cursed, or blessed, or just iron marked by this number.

Maybe a bit of context is important, maybe not, but the beans need to be spilled someday.

My first girlfriend and I got together on the 23th and we came full circle by parting ways on the 23th. It was the first heartbreak that I experienced, and it moved mountains inside my body and my brain. Ever since, I started seeing this number everywhere, whether it was the clock, prices, bus numbers, release dates, it basically became my magic number. But magic can be both ways, good or bad. Right? Maybe, but I like to lie to myself and think that it can also be neutral. But the energy revolving around this is always spinning, sometimes bringing positive moments, sometimes devouring my mental, and sometimes just reminding me of the number that’s engraved on the back of my retina. I can see it, I can feel it, I can sense it, but it’s an unstoppable force that has only me as it’s victim. I learned to live with it, to accept it, to understand that maybe it’s just my brain playing tricks on me and giving me a reminder of where I was, where I am.

Whenever the number finds me in a good spot, I take it as a good sign that I’m evolving, I’m growing out of my old shell, improving in ways that I could not see possible years ago, and it makes me happy and thankful for the journey that I’m on.

However, if the number makes it’s way to the surface in a dark manner, I feel the ghosts of the past mocking me for not growing at the rate I should’ve. It sends shivers down my spine, and I feel powerless as my soulidified body is picked up like a ragdoll and thrown in a bowl, surrounded by faces laughing at me, pointing their fingers outwards and comparing me to my potential.

But even so…

Even so…

I must continue to march forward. Whatever life throws at me I know that it’s a challange, a test, a forced push onwards to a new chapter, the pages turn with or without my will, and I have to keep the pace or I will, slow but steady, be forever stuck in the past, with no way of turning all those pages by myself.

So today, 23th, welcome back.

Thank you for pushing me for all of these years and please keep doing so.

For a long while I pondered of tattooing myself, and it will happen sometime soon. But when it will happen, it will be my second marking,

Hello.

You may have forgotten my name, but I never took yours out of my heart, let alone out of my mind. Last time I came by you were cold to me, but I found warmth in your presence. And the time before… I found peace in being with you.

Now, just being here alone with you, makes me feel nostalgic in some way, missing the me that crossed your door so many times before.

Even if it’s for a short while, I’m happier than words could express, and I hope you won’t forget me again until next time.

“Light”

Painted on Procreate [2020.06] 1hour 1 layer challenge. Have a lovely day!