#ownwords

BEEF “Revenge is best served raw.”

Sometimes being angry is a good thing, when the time comes you’ll just burst and say all the things needed to be said to the people that made you feel resentful, but always remember that everything will end, your problems will be solved, you’ll get rid of your wrath towards anything or someone. “Anger is just a transitory state of consciousness.”

The reason I tried to finish this is because of the hype, yes, I saw some clips on tiktok and yes, if you hate getting spoiled about movies, series and such things then tiktok is not the application for you. But little did I know I was already at the last episode of the first season, it was really worth the hype.

Going back to the main topic of my blog, the “Beef” will not just give you laughters, it’s a satire apprehension about asian culture in regards to family, relationship, and work. It will also help you realize that only you can help yourself achieve what you want for your life, the success you’ve been striving for, the amount of recognition from your loved ones, the acceptance this society could offer, but at the end of the day there’s still a small vacuum in your life that nothing in this world could fill. What also struck me is the thought that even your husband, your parents, your closest friends, they don’t have an idea on what’s really going on with your life and what’s inside your mind because the only people that can really acknowledge your state of being are also the ones undergoing it.

Danny (Steven Yeun) and Amy (Ali Wong) both shared their narratives, Amy as a little girl that dreamed to have it all, a great household unlike the one she had, and also loads of money that can provide for them whilst Danny wanted to become a triumphant business-owner as a contractor. The biggest plot twist in their lives started when they met at the road and Danny almost hit Amy’s white SUV when backing up while her response was the reason the beef between them started. After several encounters from each others, who could’ve thought that they soon comprehend a mutual understanding and connection when it comes to their mental and intellectual conception. With Amy being in the middle of social hierarchy and Danny struggling to move his parents by being a handyman, they still came across with each other and it somewhat fill the hole inside their hearts.

فضا میں تاریکی گھلتے ہی تاریک زندگیاں خاموشی سے اس اندھیرے کی پرسکون آغوش میں دبک جاتی ہیں، سمٹ کر اس میں جا ملتی ہیں اور پھر محض ظاہری طور پر محیط سناٹا اور سکوت سا چھا جاتا ہے، ورنہ انسان تب بھی اپنے وجود میں کوئی نا کوئی جنگ لڑ رہا ہے

           I took a deep breath in and I held it.

           The river was flowing a few feet near me and the wind was blowing through the curls of my sweaty hair. A few birds were circling above me while a small butterfly landed on my boot. It was cloudy and the sun had already begun to set. Cosindering all of those it was silent.

           And I was happy.

           But that was something people would argue about even if I got to live. My feet were hurting horribly as my skin was slowly peeling off them thanks to the sunburn and every hit that I took in this mountains. My upperbody failed to cooperate further the moment that I set foot in this valley. More than that, it was already the second time I lost consciousness. Normally, most people would be scared for their lifes, would shiver uncontrollably and ask their God for help or forgiveness. But not me.

           If anything, I would thank God for allowing me to die here, surrounded by high peaks and heart filling nature. I just hoped that the clouds would eventually leave and let me delect on all the shining stars once more.

Pass auf Dich auf.

Komm gut nach Hause.

Ich glaube an Dich.

Ruf an wenn was ist.

Ich verstehe Dich.

Ich bleibe.

20. things you said that i wasn’t meant to hear

[sllllightly nsfw]

despite all of his fortunes, hawks has always been a simple man. that’s what dabi likes about him, because hawks has never been anything but down to earth, despite the wings decorating his back and lifting him to the highest places. the mattress they sleep on might be on the more expensive side, but that’s only because even someone like hawks knows that sleep is a rare good for a pro hero, and that it should be restful whenever he gets it. last night hasn’t been restful for any of them and dabi’s glad hawks stopped buying bedframes after they broke the first two, since it wasn’t uncommon for one of them to tumble out of it during their nightly activities and dabi remembers the black eye he got one time, which earned him a lot of teasing questions from himiko when he returned.

so much has changed since they stumbled over each other in that alleyway, quite literally, and hawks pressed him against the brickwall, disbelief and pain - so, so much pain - in his eyes at the sight of his old highschool flame. the flame has long since turned into a forest fire, dabi counting the seconds until he sees the feathery idiot again as soon as he climbs out of the window and down the fire escape.

usually, he never stays until the morning, fighting drowsiness until all his limbs are screaming for sleep, trying to avoid the inevitable, savoring every kiss and mindful touch when they bask in the afterglow together. but last night, dabi came hard, all of the pent-up frustration of the week crashing down around him and he only realized the tears caught in his lashes when hawks held him to his chest, telling him that it’s okay. despite the shame and vulnerability rushing through his bloodstream, dabi stayed, falling asleep to hawks gentle voice promising him better days. when he wakes, the sun falls through the curtains and right onto his face and dabi’s about to jump up in new frustration, when he hears hawks in the next room, talking to someone. instantly, dabi tenses.

“no, he’s still here, so i can’t talk for long,” he hears him say, voice hushed and sounding mildly pressed. “i know what i said, but things kind of got… out of hand, you know? yes, i promise i’m taking care of it. mom, please, i’m 22 years old, i know how to have safe sex, yes, thank you.”

the tension turns into barely withheld laughter as dabi listens to hawks sighing against the onslaught of good advice his mother must be giving him on the other end of the line.

“god, please, it’s not like any of us could get pregnant. yes, i know how old you are and yes, there will be grandchildren eventually, but please don’t act like you’re about to turn into to dust. mom, look - this is important to me, okay? i mean, he is.”

there’s another pause, dabi holding his breath and laying as still as possible while his heart beats loud enough to betray him. when hawks speaks again, there’s only his voice filling dabi’s headspace. “yeah, it’s pretty serious, so i don’t wanna mess this up. when you’re gonna meet him? you will one day, i promise, but right now there’s a lot going on. yeah, i’ll tell him you said hi. okay, mom, yes, i love you too. give dad a kiss from me.”

he hangs up with a sigh and dabi pretends to sleep when the door opens, creaking quietly and making hawks curse under his breath. the mattress dips with his weight and then there’s another body pressing against dabi’s, lean but strong arms wrapping around his middle, his facial hair tickling dabi’s neck when hawks leans in to kiss a line over to his shoulder. dabi sighs, rolling around to face the other man, pretending to blink away remnants of sleep.

“hey,” dabi mumbles, smiling when hawks gently bumps their foreheads together.

“you stayed,” hawks says and the softness in his voice makes dabi’s heart melt to a puddle.

“what a clever boy you are.” dabi laughs when hawks tickles his side in response, allowing him to dive in for a lazy morning kiss. they spend some more minutes in bed, hawks’ hands stroking every part of dabi he can reach, while dabi tries to memorize the young man’s smell.

“we’ll make this work,” hawks mumbles eventually, and his voice sounds firm enough that even dabi allows himself to believe. he nuzzles hawks’ neck in response, clinging to the smaller man.

just 5 more minutes, he thinks. and after that, maybe the rest of their lives.

As I ventured deeper into the forest my body started to feel numb. My vision went blurry and the silence changed. I have no idea how it happened or how I realised that, but it just felt a lot more paceful than before.

Soon enough, faster than a forced blink, the scenery changed. First, it turned white and for less than a second it was like walking through a moon lit abyss, and  then I found myself burried in some of my dearest memories.

I got to see my dad’s face after winning the lottery. I felt my heartbeat increase as I held the hands of my first love while going in for my first kiss, the rush of adrenaline when I parachuted myself off a plane and the happiness flowing through my veins while I screamed at the top of my lungs at a karaoke party.

The path I was walking eventually lead me to the night I met Rebecca, long before I realised that she was the only one I need. For a short while, the path stopped there, allowing me to relive that moment and I did not complain.

Suddenly, the white abyss fastforwarded and I found myself holding an unknown hand while walking slowly trough a forest.

It was the only way to Rebecca’s favourite place. I felt water falling down my face. Rain? It couldn’t be. It was a tear. And it became two. And three. And then I was crying. As I focused my vision I saw a cross on the right side of the road. That was where Reb died, but when I got closer, the cross was missing names.

’Why are you crying, love?’, she asked and looked worried at me as she held my hand tighter and carried me, slow and tender, far away from there.