Let's Go 'Round Again

William didn’t talk to Robbie every day is the thing. Even though they would talk for hours when Robbie came to visit, William wasn’t entirely comfortable messaging Robbie every day. So when he had a thought that he wanted to talk to Robbie about or even a meme he thought Robbie would appreciate he didn’t always send it.

So they didn’t talk every day. That means that the day he tried to send Robbie a link and couldn’t find Robbie’s name in his Facebook friends before he had to get off the bus probably wasn’t the day.

About four days later, William was on the school bus once again and remembered a conversation he had had with Robbie in the summer. They’d been talking about brothers. William had told Robbie that sometimes getting along with his brothers and being in some ways so similar to them kind of sucked.

It meant that to some of his teachers he was just Georgie Dineen’s quiet little brother. It meant that he was never really breaking new ground with his parents. If he decided to pursue sport professionally, he would be the third in his family to do that, even if he was the first to choose soccer. If he went out drinking with friends on a school night, he knew what his punishment would be thanks to Dicky, but he wasn’t going to do that because he wasn’t Dicky.  

Robbie hadn’t understood Williams issue, always preoccupied with having someone nearby with similar interests, having someone to hang out with and talk like he did with William. But William had it figured out now, he knew just how to say it and he opened up his Notes app to write it down.

Robbie, I’ve got it. It’s like standing in the shadow of something taller than you, so that you can’t see your own shape on the ground. All you can see is the larger shape, and the distortions in it that come from you not quite fitting. It’s like all that I am is what makes me different from my brothers. Not a whole person, just another version of them.

Satisfied, William copied the short paragraph and opened Facebook messenger. He scrolled back through his contacts quickly at first, knowing that he hadn’t spoken to Robbie in a few weeks. But then when he realised he had hit June he knew he had gone too far. He started scrolling in the other direction. Then, puzzled, he searched Robbie’s name.

Then William decided Robbie must have just deactivated to focus on studying. He pasted his message into a text message and added to the end. Also what’s up with your facebook? I couldn’t find you on there.

William waited two days before he asked Dicky if he knew something was up with Robbie. When Dicky asked why the hell he would know that, William asked Georgie.