Lets Get Ready to Tumble!

ive had my patreon for around 7 years, now. since the beginning, i wanted it to become sizable and to earn me a living eventually; it never did.

ive also released several games, which, again, didnt earn me a living. ive done a lot of work on projects under nda, which didnt earn me a living either.

none of it came together.

as a result of this, i have spent that past while being strongly supported through donations from people like you on tumblr and discord (thank you ;;) and... from my parents.

the latter is the crux of this. their control over my finances lends them a very strong influence over what i am allowed to do and what im not allowed to do in my life.

as a result of this, they have essentially kept me from pursuing the jobs and the life ive wanted to pursue for the past 7 years. anything i was able to come up with wasn't good enough. game development is an "expensive hobby". "an outcrys" nomination was a "costly adventure that didn't retain value". my art is "sad and depressing, no one wants to see it". video games are "not real, you need a second foot to stand on".

so ive been toiling away, trying to please their whims of what im "supposed to be doing", using precious time i couldve used entering the industry i actually wanted to enter learning skills i didnt want for jobs i didnt want, applying and being denied. for a brief while, between 2020 and 2023, i was allowed to do my game development thing, finally, because of covid and such. that grace period is now over.

they have also been strongly controlling my bodily autonomy as it relates to choices im allowed to make without having to suffer emotional damage from them, which has been paranoia-inducing to say the least.

at this moment, i am at a crossroads.

either, i take on a job that pays whatever my parents think is enough for a living and is the "right kind of job" (with my lack of education outside of artistic fields: close to impossible); or i find a well-paying high-profile job in the video game industry (with my qualifications and the state of the industry: close to impossible); or i enter my country's disability pay system.

i have a disability diagnosis, so this would be within reach. it would also be a good deal more money than my parents are keeping me drowning with. to succeed with my application however, id need to:

close my patreon

stop developing games (not enough resources, mental or financial)

be at the whims of this country's political situation and how it relates to welfare, which is in sharp decline

im asking you all for help choosing none of the above.

i want to be free from their financial influence. i want to be able to instantly send them back their "alimony" and know that they can no longer direct my life according to any whim they may have. i want more time to be allowed to stand on my own two feet without being emotionally hurt and financially controlled - because it is nothing short of killing me.

i've started goal on ko-fi - 6000 $. i need a buffer like that in order to be able to have a bargaining chip in this arrangement, at least for half a year.

i need that money to be able to refuse the money my parents only use to have power over me and my life choices, to be able to consistently emotionally harm me and my prospects to become independent in the way i want to.