Let's Bareback

I was traveling to Boston for my career.  A week in Boston alone in my hotel. Daytime spent at a conference. Night time to do whatever I wanted.

I decided to cruise BBRT and found that another out-of-towner was organizing an orgy at his hotel room very close to my hotel.  I put in my request for an invite and the guy accepted!! 

As the date moved closer I got hornier and hornier. I was so excited to throw myself into the world of barebacking.  I pretty much knew that I’d get into it, suck, top, and ultimately some guy would (hopefully) play with my butt and I’d end up taking dick.  The slippery slope from there as guys see that I’m an available fuckhole and, ultimately, several dicks and several loads of cum get inside me that night.

I got off the plane. I was nervous, undecided, and ultimately I didn’t go.  I attempted to keep my sanity and my HIV-neg life in tact (because hey, it’s a risk.. a big risk.. to turn out at an orgy, right?) and I didn’t go.  

Some days later I log into BBRT and find out that the guy never sent the hotel room information.  It was somewhat bittersweet, because I knew that had I been gung-ho for getting naked with some guys it wouldn’t have worked out. Granted, there were some 1-offs that wanted 1 on 1 time with me and that would’ve been a better route.  I should’ve just gone for it that way, but for some reason I’m not at the comfort level in a 1 on 1 setting and am looking for a group thing.

So here I am in a so-so place with my wife. Figuring out the path forward.  I still need to tell her we aren’t having a third child. I suspect that will be the same as signing my divorce right away. If that’s the case, then it’s time to dive right in.. but until then I may dabble and play and get that experience to see if it drives me elsewhere anyway... as I’ve long suspected if I start going raw with other guys, especially if I take cocks and seed, it will warp me beyond the realm of straight monogamous sex and I will be out for raw experiences mostly with men & shemales, and the occasional woman that wants that raw fuck.

It didn’t pan out w/the 50 something. He never wrote back. =T  Just as well.. I should only top if I know they’re poz.

Now I have my sights set on a new city. Boston.  I’m already engaged with one older gent who seems to have nice equipment and is vers.  We’ll see how it pans out as I’ve lately felt the awakening of understanding how important it is that I do this (engage in sex with men). 

I did just ping a bottom I have friended on BBRT.  I think he’s usually available right after my work hours so I’m hoping next week we can meet up for an hours worth of fucking before I explode in his ass.

He’s 50.  He’s a bear build.  He’s got a big dick.  He’s vers.  He oinked me.  He’s pretty hot.

I kinda want to see where this goes.  I kinda wonder if I’ll end up having his dick in me. I kinda wonder if I’ll tag his ass in return. I kinda wonder if I’ll continue seeing him as a fuck buddy.

He’s undetectable. 

It’s probably gonna go something like this:

I meet with a guy.  Nervous as hell I get into it.  I find that I love it all: sucking cock, playing with balls, eating ass, having those things done to me, making out...

and when it comes to fucking? I know I’ll dig topping. There’s no question that a warm asshole feels great, and having been bare into women’s holes before I know what to expect my dick to feel like and lust for the explosion of cum inside him.

The other side of it? Bottoming? When it comes to it and I let another guy fuck me I’m pretty sure that:

1) I will enjoy it so much. My fantasies turned reality will be so hard to turn a blind eye to. I have the feeling that I will intensely crave getting fucked by raw dicks; crave cum inside my body by way of my hole.

2) I will seek out more fucking and bottoming, as I’ve suspected for ages that my prime directive in life is to experience and facilitate pleasures of the flesh.  Ideal situation is to have 2 or more fuck buddies I meet once or twice a month... vers or me bottom preferable.. but I’d top for fun as well.

3) As I continue the experiences and get more comfortable with my body and that of other mens’ bodies, I will continue to meet and fuck more guys.

4) There’s a part of me that continues to grow: It says that once I’ve become comfortable in my own right of having sex with guys and fulfill my destiny of raw, bareback fucking *only*, I will hang my hat up with women and probably never fuck another woman again.  The sheer thought of never being in a pussy? I’m ok with it.. especially if it means that I’m continually having my cock buried deep in another man’s ass *as long as* i’m also able to get men to get deep in me and fill me up with seed.

4a) Pregnancy vs HIV scare: My wife won’t let me get a vasectomy right now, so the threat of a third child does exist. The point at which I’ve gone crazy for cocks and asses means I trade one risk for another (no, I don’t really want to go on PrEP if I’m totally honest with myself).  What’s more, I suspect I would gleefully put myself in any sort of risky situations that yield the ultimate result of converting to a body with HIV. it’s part of the equation at some point, and while I will continually try to only fuck guys on PrEP or are ‘neg’... well.. I’ve been on Breeding.zone enough to know what’s what.

I was sick and couldn’t go out, let alone show up to the guy’s place and fuck. He is cool w/that and says ‘another time’ in the message back to me.

In the mean time I checked out members that were attending a sex party while I was out of town. I wanted to go, but travel w/the family is a must (duh!).  

i got back to a message from a black guy, a little older than me, thick, with a BBC: he’s vers! He thinks we’re likely compatible, so I’m asking when he’s likely available and hoping we can make plans... could be fun!

Furthermore.. getting together w/the latin top AND a vers guy? That’d be great to have two fuck buddies to bounce between and one I can swap loads with.

So I sit here drooling with fantasies of how things could go down, along with the other paths forward in life, while wearing a cock ring and letting my erect dick flop about; aching for something to slip inside me.

He has asked about January.  I know I’m going out in the first week.. maybe the time will be right?  I’m tempted to let him know I’ll be out and could meet up before my event.. 

..images of being on all four as this guy thrusts his meaty, glistening, latin cock into my ass until he finally explodes inside me have made my dick so hard right now.

Things are good in life as-is, but I’m so curious to know more and experience more. I’m a pleasure junkie with sex, too, and I oh-so-badly want to experience this. Would I do it if I were ‘single’? Probably. Maybe that’s the thing to think about: I’d do it if I weren’t ‘attached’, so why not go for it anyway so you know, for sure, what it’s like and if you want more?

Yes, HIV is a concern. Would it be enough to stop me if I were single? Nope. I’d try, and if it feels good (which topping does, yes) I’d go for it again undoubtedly. 

So maybe it’s time to open myself up and get that dick and seed.

I could show up, we could do our thing, and when I go out to my event where I will end up dancing a lot, I can feel something new and different.. something extra.. and maybe it will make my event even more exhilarating as this guy’s cum is inside me.

One of the things that is a slight turn off.. or at least sways me away from interacting with other guys for sex.. is the part of my sexual being that isn’t particularly attracted to men.  Cocks, balls, assholes.. all great.. but I also like the softness of women, their tits, their asses, their curves.. I do wonder about larger guys and what that might be like... 

Moreso what is a motivating though is that when I meet with a guy, the intent is already defined. Or a group of guys; we’re all there to have fun with each other. We’re all there to fuck.

While we haven’t been fucking often, when we do it is bareback.  We had a great session where I got to massage and worship her body, ultimately leading to fucking raw. We don’t want more kids (her “yet”, me “ever”), so I don’t cum in her. However, the scare is there since there’s still risk with pulling out.

Then I get this hail-Mary type of promise play in my brain and it goes something like this:

“If she has her period, then I will go out and have sex with guys.. finally get bareback fucked and bred.”

Such as it is, I felt it and sorta made that irrational promise to myself. As if somehow I owe the fates that because I was spared the misery of a third child I must make good on my intentions to meet up with guys for top and bottom action; all raw; all breeding.

So that’s where I’m at right now.  Latin guy downtown (the seemingly business professional one, not the party animal looking one) is still an option.  I think it’s time. Now to pick a night for it and plan... I’m already sitting here with a rock-hard dick as I imagine the scenario playing out: the ultimate finality of taking his cum into my body from his raw, throbbing cock that’s in my ass.

So the latin guy downtown is still working on me. He checks in, I tell him I’ve been busy, but I admit to him I’m itching to get out and play.  He’s certainly open to making plans for me to come over and put his cock in me... I just need to do it 

There’s another latin guy who looks the part of a gay slut.  Cute dude, thin, nice dick, and was up front about my ‘hot hole’ and the fact that he thinks we ‘need to fuck’.  His profile claims his on PrEP.. but who knows.. and my hole and cock twitch thinking about it. I’m considering meeting up with him given he’s experienced, likes long sessions, and looks like he’d be a lot of fun to let repeatedly fuck me over the course of a day or night.

I still have the echoes of “what if!” in my head.  I rationalize my situation and distaste for consistent medication to avoid taking PrEP.  I also begin to rationalize my life, desires, and limited time on Earth to start me toward inhibited sex with more people. I suppose I also view the, “If it were a girl, I’d fuck her raw with little hesitation.. so why not guys?” mindset quite often.. it’s totally true: If I got with a girl who wanted me inside her, bareback, I’d go for it.. I’d likely cum inside her pussy, too.  So why not guys?  Meet up with the willing type, intentions already known, and go for it: Get that dick inside me. Get that cum inside my body.  Feel my shaft slide into another man’s ass until I explode.

The horndogs on Breeding.zone would say go for it.  If I had sexual deviant friends of my own they’d all say go for it.  My ‘straight’ brain says go for it with a girl.. so why not let what I suspect to be my true sexual self out to play?  Is it worth the risk? I suspect it is. I should find out.

It starts with a visit to a porn website.  I see hot girls. I see tasty BBWs. Then I see cocks. Lots and lots of cocks. I see cocks in mouths. I see cocks in pussy. I see cocks in ass.

My brain makes a jump and the circuit closes to then see my own cock in an ass.  Then see a cock in my mouth.  A cock in my ass.  Many cocks, one after another, in my ass.

I then realize I have a contact on BBRT who is still interested in having me over to his condo in downtown so we can have some fun. He’s a top. He’s got a nice piece of meat. He claims to be on PrEP.  He’s not bad looking.. and that dick looks like it’d be great inside me.

What am I waiting for?  It’s that risk vs. reward question.  It’s that scariness of assuming that I’m going to freaking love it so much I go back for more.  Love it so much that I seek out other partners.  Love it so much I start having a lot of bareback sex with a lot of guys, top and bottom, and.. well...

A guy goes off the radar. Another flakes.

GRRR!

There’s one guy who seems to still be interested. If our schedules jive when he’s back in town I think it will be time. He’s a latin top with a thick looking dick that will hopefully get to explode inside me.

Well that fell through...

But I have 2 more connections now. 1 is a potential vers guy so I could get some top fun in.. the other another top who may want to pound me good soon-ish.  I have some life events to get through but may schedule some attempted sessions with them.

What is it about the allure? I think about it often and consider what it is that keeps me coming back to this place of desire.  On one hand, the absolute zero-risk of pregnancy.. but a vasectomy would take care of that with girls!  On another hand,  the opportunity to have a cock fuck me; because I know it feels good with the right toys... the next logical step is to have the real thing.  In my sex life with women, I’m done with condoms. I have kids.. that fulfillment is done and over. While I don’t want more, I’d gleefully screw women raw and pull-out (can’t wait to get snipped).

With guys, though, even in the face of HIV.. no condoms needed. Give and get. Breed and seed.  I get so excited at the thoughts.. i play bounce on chairs and my fingers.. i simply love hard cocks flopping about or pushing in an ass.. 

Update!

A guy I’ve talked to a bit on BBRT.. well it turns out we might meet up at his place on Thursday night. He’s a bear-ish latin top with a nice looking tool. So while I won’t get to tap some ass, I will likely get myself my first raw cock and load... if I go through with it!

I’m nervous as all hell but my body and dick say ‘yes yes yes go for it!’.

The two big things I’m worried about: HIV and, frankly, enjoying it too much.

The former is truly unsettling, but less so if the later is truth: what if I like it so much I crave it? I suspect I will want it all of the time and it will throw my life off the rails (my relationship/marriage and family life). The former, HIV risk, doesn’t even become a problem if I end up craving raw cock all of the time.

2016. The ass end of it anyway.  Mid 30's.  Wife.  Kids.  Yet, for the number of times I've chosen to go the other way, or put the fantasies on ice, or attempt to change my sexual diet and habits, there has been 1 more lapse; 1 more fantasy; 1 more attempt at making it all a reality.

There's a lot of complex-yet-already-familiar-by-many aspects to my story. To keep it simple and hopefully sexy:  My fantasies and desires have bloomed into a near-constant burning desire for bareback sex.  While I can admit the errant female makes it into the rounds of jerking my chain, it's now so close to 100% guys I should round up and ditch pussy altogether: My cock, my ass, and my brain were truly wired for the pleasure of man.

At this stage, I do enjoy top. I do enjoy seeding a hole or mouth. I do not get nearly enough of it, and it's harder and harder to want to do it to a pussy... I crave the flesh of a man's hot ass and the sensory overload that goes with it.

At this stage, I have yet to take another man into my body.  My insides ache for it daily.  My habits tend to focus more and more on what I assume is going to be the ultimate pleasure in life, and an act that will unlock my true purpose.

One of the biggest reasons I didn't explore my true sexual self was the fear around HIV.  As I've been able to learn more about it over the years, my comfort level has risen to the point that I'm no longer terrified of having HIV.  Even moreso, with communities it is a revered virus to give and receive, there exists some normalcy in my desires.

The party moved to a date I couldn’t attend. Life got in the way and made me think twice.. but here I am again on my little confessional outlet. Amid the noise of the floor above me (family) I slip into daydreams of dick pounding away at my ass.. slobbering on a hard cock.. maybe even fucking a hole until I seed him deep.

It’s alluring. It’s pleasurable. My body feels it intensely (the want).  I urge to explore and take myself to the next level.

I think I’ll spin up my accounts again, take new pics, and hammer the sites hard for connections. FWBs and sex parties.

These feelings don’t ever go away. The fact that my Tumblr feed full of bareback fucking makes me hard and my insides quiver is sign enough.. let alone the fact that I continue to stroke to it, and have almost come full away from regular masturbation to women.. I think I’m starting to feel more comfortable w/the attraction to men, and how I’d be handled when bottoming.

Travel didn’t work out. Guys were flakes. I chose work over fucking.  Plans fell apart. Meh.

I went the other way, trying to tear myself from these dreams and bodily urges of barebacking... but no.. I can’t put it down.

Here I am, about to register a new email account, take new pictures, and refresh my BBRT profile. I hope to be invited to an orgy that’s going down next Friday near my home.

Friday night. Near my place. Reasonable excuses to get out w/out the wife.  Rather than heading out to the bars or clubs, I may find myself with a group of naked guys.  A few versatile, a few bottoms.. It’s very likely that I’ll be versatile myself and aim to fuck and be fucked.

Sometimes I ‘go the other way’ and think that I won’t go through with it.  I’ll rub one out in a very hot session, dreaming of bareback sex. Topping, bottoming, sucking cock... I cum, then ‘go the other way’.

Today, though.. Today was a little different.

Awhile ago I made this ‘promise’ to myself. I had this deal that if I jerked it, fine, but I wasn’t serious about sex with guys.. barebacking with guys.. until I took my own cum and put it over my hole and used it to finger myself. To lube my own asshole with my own seed was a sign that I was ready to explore a world of raw sex with guys.

Well today, of all days, it happened.  It. Felt. Great.

Did I ‘go the other way’? Yea. I sure did. But here I am again in the chair in my office, and wanting to cum, I pop open a porn site looking at women and.. I’m instantly letting my dick do the talking and it wants cocks and ass. It wants to seed a hole.. but moreso.. my insides quake and quiver and ache for penetration and ultimate bliss of a man ejaculating inside me.