#pre-bareback

I was traveling to Boston for my career.  A week in Boston alone in my hotel. Daytime spent at a conference. Night time to do whatever I wanted.

I decided to cruise BBRT and found that another out-of-towner was organizing an orgy at his hotel room very close to my hotel.  I put in my request for an invite and the guy accepted!! 

As the date moved closer I got hornier and hornier. I was so excited to throw myself into the world of barebacking.  I pretty much knew that I’d get into it, suck, top, and ultimately some guy would (hopefully) play with my butt and I’d end up taking dick.  The slippery slope from there as guys see that I’m an available fuckhole and, ultimately, several dicks and several loads of cum get inside me that night.

I got off the plane. I was nervous, undecided, and ultimately I didn’t go.  I attempted to keep my sanity and my HIV-neg life in tact (because hey, it’s a risk.. a big risk.. to turn out at an orgy, right?) and I didn’t go.  

Some days later I log into BBRT and find out that the guy never sent the hotel room information.  It was somewhat bittersweet, because I knew that had I been gung-ho for getting naked with some guys it wouldn’t have worked out. Granted, there were some 1-offs that wanted 1 on 1 time with me and that would’ve been a better route.  I should’ve just gone for it that way, but for some reason I’m not at the comfort level in a 1 on 1 setting and am looking for a group thing.

So here I am in a so-so place with my wife. Figuring out the path forward.  I still need to tell her we aren’t having a third child. I suspect that will be the same as signing my divorce right away. If that’s the case, then it’s time to dive right in.. but until then I may dabble and play and get that experience to see if it drives me elsewhere anyway... as I’ve long suspected if I start going raw with other guys, especially if I take cocks and seed, it will warp me beyond the realm of straight monogamous sex and I will be out for raw experiences mostly with men & shemales, and the occasional woman that wants that raw fuck.

It didn’t pan out w/the 50 something. He never wrote back. =T  Just as well.. I should only top if I know they’re poz.

Now I have my sights set on a new city. Boston.  I’m already engaged with one older gent who seems to have nice equipment and is vers.  We’ll see how it pans out as I’ve lately felt the awakening of understanding how important it is that I do this (engage in sex with men). 

I did just ping a bottom I have friended on BBRT.  I think he’s usually available right after my work hours so I’m hoping next week we can meet up for an hours worth of fucking before I explode in his ass.

He’s 50.  He’s a bear build.  He’s got a big dick.  He’s vers.  He oinked me.  He’s pretty hot.

I kinda want to see where this goes.  I kinda wonder if I’ll end up having his dick in me. I kinda wonder if I’ll tag his ass in return. I kinda wonder if I’ll continue seeing him as a fuck buddy.

He’s undetectable. 

It’s probably gonna go something like this:

I meet with a guy.  Nervous as hell I get into it.  I find that I love it all: sucking cock, playing with balls, eating ass, having those things done to me, making out...

and when it comes to fucking? I know I’ll dig topping. There’s no question that a warm asshole feels great, and having been bare into women’s holes before I know what to expect my dick to feel like and lust for the explosion of cum inside him.

The other side of it? Bottoming? When it comes to it and I let another guy fuck me I’m pretty sure that:

1) I will enjoy it so much. My fantasies turned reality will be so hard to turn a blind eye to. I have the feeling that I will intensely crave getting fucked by raw dicks; crave cum inside my body by way of my hole.

2) I will seek out more fucking and bottoming, as I’ve suspected for ages that my prime directive in life is to experience and facilitate pleasures of the flesh.  Ideal situation is to have 2 or more fuck buddies I meet once or twice a month... vers or me bottom preferable.. but I’d top for fun as well.

3) As I continue the experiences and get more comfortable with my body and that of other mens’ bodies, I will continue to meet and fuck more guys.

4) There’s a part of me that continues to grow: It says that once I’ve become comfortable in my own right of having sex with guys and fulfill my destiny of raw, bareback fucking *only*, I will hang my hat up with women and probably never fuck another woman again.  The sheer thought of never being in a pussy? I’m ok with it.. especially if it means that I’m continually having my cock buried deep in another man’s ass *as long as* i’m also able to get men to get deep in me and fill me up with seed.

4a) Pregnancy vs HIV scare: My wife won’t let me get a vasectomy right now, so the threat of a third child does exist. The point at which I’ve gone crazy for cocks and asses means I trade one risk for another (no, I don’t really want to go on PrEP if I’m totally honest with myself).  What’s more, I suspect I would gleefully put myself in any sort of risky situations that yield the ultimate result of converting to a body with HIV. it’s part of the equation at some point, and while I will continually try to only fuck guys on PrEP or are ‘neg’... well.. I’ve been on Breeding.zone enough to know what’s what.

I was sick and couldn’t go out, let alone show up to the guy’s place and fuck. He is cool w/that and says ‘another time’ in the message back to me.

In the mean time I checked out members that were attending a sex party while I was out of town. I wanted to go, but travel w/the family is a must (duh!).  

i got back to a message from a black guy, a little older than me, thick, with a BBC: he’s vers! He thinks we’re likely compatible, so I’m asking when he’s likely available and hoping we can make plans... could be fun!

Furthermore.. getting together w/the latin top AND a vers guy? That’d be great to have two fuck buddies to bounce between and one I can swap loads with.

So I sit here drooling with fantasies of how things could go down, along with the other paths forward in life, while wearing a cock ring and letting my erect dick flop about; aching for something to slip inside me.

He has asked about January.  I know I’m going out in the first week.. maybe the time will be right?  I’m tempted to let him know I’ll be out and could meet up before my event.. 

..images of being on all four as this guy thrusts his meaty, glistening, latin cock into my ass until he finally explodes inside me have made my dick so hard right now.

Things are good in life as-is, but I’m so curious to know more and experience more. I’m a pleasure junkie with sex, too, and I oh-so-badly want to experience this. Would I do it if I were ‘single’? Probably. Maybe that’s the thing to think about: I’d do it if I weren’t ‘attached’, so why not go for it anyway so you know, for sure, what it’s like and if you want more?

Yes, HIV is a concern. Would it be enough to stop me if I were single? Nope. I’d try, and if it feels good (which topping does, yes) I’d go for it again undoubtedly. 

So maybe it’s time to open myself up and get that dick and seed.

I could show up, we could do our thing, and when I go out to my event where I will end up dancing a lot, I can feel something new and different.. something extra.. and maybe it will make my event even more exhilarating as this guy’s cum is inside me.

One of the things that is a slight turn off.. or at least sways me away from interacting with other guys for sex.. is the part of my sexual being that isn’t particularly attracted to men.  Cocks, balls, assholes.. all great.. but I also like the softness of women, their tits, their asses, their curves.. I do wonder about larger guys and what that might be like... 

Moreso what is a motivating though is that when I meet with a guy, the intent is already defined. Or a group of guys; we’re all there to have fun with each other. We’re all there to fuck.

While we haven’t been fucking often, when we do it is bareback.  We had a great session where I got to massage and worship her body, ultimately leading to fucking raw. We don’t want more kids (her “yet”, me “ever”), so I don’t cum in her. However, the scare is there since there’s still risk with pulling out.

Then I get this hail-Mary type of promise play in my brain and it goes something like this:

“If she has her period, then I will go out and have sex with guys.. finally get bareback fucked and bred.”

Such as it is, I felt it and sorta made that irrational promise to myself. As if somehow I owe the fates that because I was spared the misery of a third child I must make good on my intentions to meet up with guys for top and bottom action; all raw; all breeding.

So that’s where I’m at right now.  Latin guy downtown (the seemingly business professional one, not the party animal looking one) is still an option.  I think it’s time. Now to pick a night for it and plan... I’m already sitting here with a rock-hard dick as I imagine the scenario playing out: the ultimate finality of taking his cum into my body from his raw, throbbing cock that’s in my ass.