the midnight library

Reflective essay:

To begin with, I had always wanted to read this book but never made the time; and I am grateful I put it off, because that gave me the chance to choose it for this project.

Reading "The Midnight Library" taught me a great deal. Take, for instance, the part where the cat dies. I feel that scene was so simple yet so complex; it shows how the death of a pet can teach you that dying is far more intricate and painful than merely vanishing, which is how Nora had viewed it. It shows that life is hard and that, no matter what you do, you cannot change what is meant to be. It was painful to grasp this through the example of a cat, but there you have it.

I also loved all the lives she lived, since each one taught me various things. For example, the life she entered solely for the sake of her brother, who, as it happened, was never around, or if he was, didn't understand her.

Every life she thought was perfect had something about it that drove her back to the library. And every life she thought was "the one", chosen merely to please others, failed to satisfy her. None of the lives truly won her over. Yet the one that did made her realize what swapping lives was really all about. At first, I was fascinated by the idea of ​​moving from one life to the next (and, in a way, I still am), but regarding that specific life where Nora had a family, I understood her feelings and why it wasn't right. The concept of jumping between lives was fun and fascinating, but it was also unfair to the Nora of that particular life. Honestly, while I wanted her to stay, I also felt it would have been unfair to the husband and daughter.

And so, this book took me on such an emotional rollercoaster. For instance, the brother's attitude infuriated me, yet a few lifetimes later, when he died, I felt sad. It was the same with the father; I couldn't stand him, but I felt relieved when he was alive.

I also felt a great sense of powerlessness regarding the injustices Nora endured, and how the way she was raised affected her outlook on life and her self-perception.

After Mrs. Elm gave her some motivation, she moved from book to book, from one life to another. She entered a life where she cared for animals, though, in truth, it wasn't very interesting. She spent only a few hours in that life before returning to the library. After that, she enter into a life where she owned a vineyard and was married to a Mexican man. Some things are just so random they leave me speechless, honestly. That life didn't last long, either.

She returned to the library, and after trying and trying a million times, only to end up back at the library, weary of it all, she was on the verge of giving up again. That was until Mrs. Elm advised her to recall at least one moment when she had felt affection and care, and to focus on that feeling in order to find the right life. Then she remembered the time her neighbor Ash, who was also a surgeon, broke the news that her mother had died in the hospital and comforted her for hours in the hallway, even though he didn't know her all that well. He was also the one who told her when her cat died and went with her to bury it. And, for that matter, he had once asked her out, but back then she was with Dan.

She wondered what would have happened if she had said yes to that date, and decided to find out. Mrs. Elm gave her the book, and she opened it.

When she got in, she found herself in someone's bed. (Hopefully Ash's.) She got up and decided to go out and see where she was, and was surprised to find a little girl standing in front of her door, saying "Mommy." That just made me melt with love. She had a daughter A DAUGHTER. To me, children are the sweetest things in the world, after animals, of course. And the fact that she had a daughter makes it seem like the best life possible.

Anyway, she got up, found the little girl, and took her to bed because she couldn't sleep after having a nightmare. She came up with a game to learn details about her life, really clever, honestly.

She ended up finding out a lot of things; sure enough, she had married Ash and they had a daughter together. I think Ash is so sweet, even though I don't really know who he is, he gives off such good vibes for her. The fact that he comforted her TWICE when she was so vulnerable tells me everything I need to know; especially after reading about the life she had with him.

For starters, she became completely attached to the little girl and realized that their marriage was in great shape unlike her marriage to Dan. Ash truly cared about her and was a wonderful father, too. It was a dream life, yet something about it didn't feel quite right.She felt that, even though she had been there for days without leaving, she knew that at some point she would have to go. At some point, she would return to the library. For even though that life was perfect for her, she didn't belong there. She felt like she was taking someone else's place, the Nora of that life. The one who had earned all of it through her own effort, while she had simply come to snatch it away.

She tried to cling to that life, but the inevitable happened. She returned to the library. And this time, she collapsed and the library along with her. She could not bear the fact that, even though she had found the life meant for her, she could not stay. And that shattered her.

That scene was very intense because it determined whether or not she would ultimately live. When she arrived, the library was collapsing, and Mrs. Elm told her to go and find a specific book, one that would define her future.

She had to leave Mrs. Elm behind; after all, she was merely a construct of her own mind, she would be fine.

She found the book, and in it, she had to write something, something that would make the library return to normal. She tried several times, but nothing worked. Finally, she decided to accept the truth. It was a truth she had long kept hidden, and accepting it took the entire book: that she was alive, and that she loved being alive. She decided to live again; in her original life, no other.

The Midnight Library

Continuing with the story, Nora returned to the library and decided to enter in the life where she was a glaciologist. Which I don't understand, no offense, but the idea of ​​being a glaciologist seems a bit crazy and very different to me. I've never met anyone who would want to research glaciers, go to a frozen place, and decide to live there.

Anyway, she appeared as I imagined, in a frozen place.

To be honest, there were parts I didn't quite understand because they used very technical vocabulary related to glaciology.

Anyway, she appeared as I imagined, in a frozen place.

Getting back to the most important point, she was assigned to guard the location where they were staying for their research. She was instructed to fire a flare in case a wild animal appeared.

She kept watch until, a couple of hours later, a bear appeared. And worst of all, it ran straight toward her. Nora threw the flare, but she was so paralyzed that it took her a while to react and grab the weapon she had at her side to defend herself. At that moment, she wished with all her heart to reappear in the library. But it didn't work. Because she didn't experience a disappointment in that life; she experienced fear. Fear of dying. And at that moment she realized. I was also surprise by the idea of her, Nora Seed, been afraid of DYING. When she was there just because she almost killed herself. I thought this day would never come.

I also loved this part because you see, little by little, how she learns with each life she enters. And for me, it teaches me about different perspectives on life. Just when I think I can predict something in the book, something completely different happens. For example, after the bear attack and her eventual survival, she met one of her companions named Hugo. He spoke to her hours after she had entered that life. She responded as if he were a stranger because that's how he introduced himself. After that, he kept watching her, as if suspicious. I thought it was odd, but I didn't think anything of it. Until he approached her and told her she was acting strangely, and confronted her, saying that when he asked her about the different types of glaciers, she hadn't known how to answer. Nora tried to change the subject until he told her he would wait for her in the refuge's kitchen so they could talk privately. There he confronted her and told her and I quote: 'I am like you, Nora. I visit lives that aren't mine.'

I didn't see that coming. From anywhere.

Then he explained that he had been in that life for five days already. He also said that he had already encountered many other 'sliders' as he calls them. And one of them, who knew about the subject, explained the following:

'The cat guy. He said that in quantum physics every alternative possibility happens simultaneously. All at once. In the same place. Quantum superposition. The cat in the box is both alive and dead. You could open the box and see that it was alive or dead, that’s how it goes, but in one sense, even after the box is open, the cat is still both alive and dead. Every universe exists over every other universe. Like a million pictures on tracing paper, all with slight variations within the same frame. The many-worlds interpretation of quantum physics suggests there are an infinite number of divergent parallel universes. Every moment of your life you enter a new universe. With every decision you make. And traditionally it was thought that there could be no communication or transference between those worlds, even though they happen in the same space, even though they happen literally millimetres away from us.'

He also explained that his "library" is actually a video store, and his guide is his deceased uncle. This means that the guides are "interpretations" of people who were important in their lives. Which I understood from the moment Mrs. Elm came out.But what surprised me is that it wasn't a library in all possible lives and universes. I mean, you can interpret it however you want. That's truly impressive. The idea that this world could actually exist is both unsettling and fascinating.

Nora returned to the library and decided to enter in the life when she was a band singer. Once there, after a series of events, she realized how famous and beloved she was, but also how messed up her life was. Her brother was on drugs, she was too, she was in rehab, there was a court case, in short, complete chaos. A few hours later, she had a podcast to record with a group of people and that's when she found out why her brother wasn't in the band.

He was dead. From an overdose.

Which doesn't surprise me much because, up until now, in the lives he's appeared in, he hasn't exactly shown himself to be very unstable. Which I partly understand, because it was due to the absent parents they had, which is also the reason why Nora has so many problems and insecurities.

Minutes later, she returned to the library, fed up because something always seemed to go wrong with every life that entered. She had such a terrible breakdown that the library nearly collapsed. Why? Because she was giving up, which meant that her physical body, somewhere, was also giving up. Therefore, the library couldn't continue if its host gave up.

In the end, nothing happens; the library stabilizes. But Mr. Elm warns her not to give up and that she still has many possibilities. He encourages her with an interesting yet very wise analogy: the analogy of chess. I prefer to quote it so you understand how significant it was for me when I read it.

'Look at that chessboard we put back in place,’ said Mrs Elm, softly. ‘Look at how ordered and safe and peaceful it looks now, before a game starts. It’s a beautiful thing. But it is boring. It is dead. And yet the moment you make a move on that board, things change. Things begin to get more chaotic. And that chaos builds with every single move you make.

At the beginning of a game, there are no variations. There is only one way to set up a board. There are nine million variations after the first six moves. And after eight moves there are two hundred and eighty-eight billion different positions. And those possibilities keep growing. There are more possible ways to play a game of chess than the amount of atoms in the observable universe. So it gets very messy. And there is no right way to play; there are many ways. In chess, as in life, possibility is the basis of everything. Every hope, every dream, every regret, every moment of living.'

You're wise, Mrs. Elm. Very wise.

I think this analogy, like the cat scene, is one of those scenes that will stay with me. Because they have so much meaning behind them.

After the situation with Volt (Nora's cat) she just decide to try another life. And then she remembered that boyfriend she used to have named Dan.

She and Dan were engaged untill Nora decided to cancel the wedding because she was afraid or because her mother just died months before, I'm really not sure, what was her reasons.

She remembered him and felt really guilty because after that, he was still texting her, asking to get back together, even one year later they broke up.

So she asking Mrs Elm to get a life where she was married with Dan.

After Mrs Elm gave her the book, she open it and start to read this life. Then she appeared like in a countryside wearing an overall and remembers that she and Dan wanted to have a pub outside somewhere in England. She saw the pub in the distance and decided to go in. Minutes later, Dan appears and she was expected to be more romantic or at least happy to see her (even though she doesn't go anywhere) but instead he acted distant. For me, that was kind of weird because in her root life, he literally begged her to get back together and in this life he act like this(?) anyway it was weird but not enough to suspect him. So I continue reading and then he asked what "Erin" said to her, i mean, what were they talking about... right then something started to ring a bell.

That was pretty awkward.

Nora started to suspect him too, I mean, was awkward for her too.

After the day ended and she realized that this life wasn't that happy she imagined, she discovered they had a lot of debt because of the pub and Dan wasn't the enthusiastic and loving fiancé he was in her root life. He also dismissed many things Nora said as scientific and phylosophic things. He treat her like she was dumb. and i really don't like that. She may have many problems, but a lack of intelligence is not one of them.

Then she began to explain that he had done those things even when they they were just dating, but she never saw anything wrong with it because she thought that was just how he was. And in this part i understand her point because we as readers are going to think like, how didn't you notice that before? But from her perspective, she is a person with very low self esteem and the idea of someone insulting her on pitting her down is very normal for her because that's how she sees herself, and that's why she didnt notice it before or let it go.

Then when they about to go to bed, she tried to get information out of him about that life. And somewhat he started to get defensive and then he admits what everyone already knew. He said and I quote (well, not so specifically): 'Is this about Erin? Because l already told you it was only once and I was drunk'.

I Knew it, I KNEW IT.

He cheated on her and Nora realized it too.

To be honest, I'm not really surprised because from the moment she mentioned it in the first few chapters, I already knew wasn't going to like him, I don't know, he gave me bad vibes.

After he practically confessed to cheating on her, he tried to downplay the situation with the lame excuse that "drunk men are like that", even after she had forgiven him so many times for his drunk behaviors. Honestly, I felt really bad for that Nora, and I know the original Nora felt that way too. That's why, after finally realizing she couldn't listen to his honsense anymore, she go to the bathroom and let that feeling of disappointment wash over her, returning to the library.

After returning, Nora realized that some people just change, and that sometimes it's best to leave things as they were. The best thing for her was to remember Dan for who he was and how beautiful their relationship had been during that time.

Then Nora thought about another life she would like to try. A life where she decided to go to Australia with her friend Izzie.

She appears in the bathroom in an apartment in Bronte Beach, which he found strange because she and Izzy had planned to go to Byron Bay. So she realized something has happened. Something with Izzy.

Then some weird girl appear through the front door, was someone Nora didn't know. Apparently her roommate.

It was really weird because she appears in an apartment, in a location that wasn't the location she planned and with a girl she didn't even know.

Then, when she goes to the bathroom, she saw a bottle of pills with her name on it. Antidepressants. They were antidepressants. Then her gaze dropped to her arms and wrists and saw a bunch of scars.

Something definitely happened.

At this moment, I sensed that I was about to witness something big.

Nora came out of the bathroom and went over the girl and, in a not-so-casual way, asked her what had happened with Izzy.

The girl said:'Your friend, Izzy? The one who died?'

Silence. From me and Nora.

I sort of knew it, but I didn't think it would actually happen.

Nora, obviously, was devastated, and how could she not? The only reason she went to Australia, the only reason she decided to enter in this life, was Izzy, and now she's gone.

Then she googled Izzy and a news story came up. Izzy had died in a car accident the month they arrived here. My question is, how could she continue living in Australia without Izzy? And then I understood, and Nora did too, it was because she was stuck, in Australia and in the past. And that's when she (and I) connected the dots and understood the reasons for the antidepressants and the scars.

Nora couldn't bear the thought of living in a world without Izzy, so she went to the bathroom and in the blink of an eye, she was back in the library.

After returning, she decided to enter in the life where she had achieved success as an Olympic swimmer. The first thing she realized was that she had already retired and was now giving motivational talks. She arrived just hours before one of her talks.

She talks about this idea that many religions discuss: the tree of life. We all know what it is, but I'll explain it anyway so you understand the point I'm making. The tree of life is a sacred symbol. For Nora, the tree trunk represents our origin. From there, every decision we make functions like a branch that forks in opposite directions. These branches become smaller branches and then twigs. Each person experiences life linearly, giving us the false illusion that there is only one right path. This metaphor explains that life is not a straight road, but a vast map of possibilities where unlived lives do not diminish the value of those we are living now. Then, Nora looks for a moment at her arms and sees the scars, realizing that in this life she also self-harmed.

After seeing her arms, she says that life can be terrifying because no matter which branch we live on, we're still the same rotten tree. She means that if you don't heal from within, seeking external success like fame, money, or a perfect partner on other "branches" will be pointless.

At that moment, she realizes that the Olympic Nora is just as broken, alone, and sad as the Original Nora.

She continues, saying that external success is a myth. Medals, high salaries, and public recognition are things that don't guarantee happiness. Neither do the expectations of others; doing things solely for the approval of others or someone important doesn't guarantee happiness. For example, like in the case of her brother and father. Yes, she's successful, but she's not happy. The happy ones are her father and brother. Her brother is still around because her life brings him money, not because he supports her or understands her. Just like her father, he calls and contacts her because of what she is now: a successful swimmer. If it weren't for that, he wouldn't be there.

In the end, she concludes by saying not to obsess over succeeding and to simply strive to be kind.

When she arrive at the library, she met an older woman who was the librarian of that place. Turn out that the librarian was her old librarian, Ms Elms.

Which actually confuse me because why would she be here? And then when I continue reading i figured it out that the librarian represents the only person that ever cared about her.

Then the spirit that shows up like Mrs Elms, start to explain how things work there. At that moment I was already starting to get excited, because I decided to choose this book precisely because of the idea of the library with books from your different lives.

Photo from Pinterest: Home Cabinet Expert.

Then Mrs Elms start to explained her that she have to choose one life (one book) and start her journey where she have to find the life she wanted. After she explained her, Mrs Elms show her a book different of the other ones like for example, all the books i mean her "lifes" were all greens, like different types of green but green still but this book was grey and it was the first book on that shelf and it was called "the book of regrets" what it means that the book contained all the regrets Nora had in her life. And really impress me i mean the idea of the book of regrets and that all the regrets are not ordered by year but by how big or small they are, and every second they are changing. I really like the concept because I never thought about that and was really original. Now everytime i regret something, i'll be thinking about my book of regrets and what things might have been written in it.

Anyways, Nora Finally understand it because it took her too long to accept it, because she just wanna died and a kind of agree with her, not the part that she wanted to die, the part of the why she wanted to die because her life really sucks at some point, but also was her fault. Until now, i emphatice with her because she doesn't have the support of anyone since she was very little and that can really affect your brain, the way you see the world and also the way you relate to people. And that's why I think that for her, the only solutions to her problems was to die because she always see the worst of the world and also the worst in herself.

Continuing with the story, Mrs Elms gave her the book of regrets and she started to read it and decided that the first life she want to enter was the life when her cat didn't die. Because she blame herself cause she thought that her cat died because she forgot to close the windows the night before his death and that cause that a car hit him. So Nora ask Mrs Elms if it was possible and Mrs Elms say yes and then with some kind of magic she just found the book and gave it to her. Then Nora opened the book and in seconds she started to kind of transport and then when she open her eyes, she was again in her apartment and then she just started to looking for her cat hoping that in this life, she was a good cat owner and close the window. When she finally found her cat, he was under her bed just lying and then she realized that he wasn't moving and she touched him and he was again DEAD.

At this point, I was really angry, sad, nervous, all emotions together. I was very helpless because really what happened? It really confuses me. and Nora too. Then she goes back to the library and explode and start to yell at Mrs. Elms because her cat was dead again, nothing changed. And then Mrs Elms look at her unbothered and she says: "You don't asked me to bring your cat back, you asked me for a life where you were a good cat owner, because if you had asked me that, I would have said no".

Shocked, I was shocked.

Then Nora started to yell her again saying that was unfair and asking her why like why she would've said no.

In this section I begin to quote parts of the book because I consider it's important:

And then Mrs Elms said: "I would've said no because that life doesn't exist" then Nora said that every life was possible just as Mrs Elms said to her.

And then Mrs Elms respond her: "Every possible life. You see, it turns out that Voltaire (cat's name) had a serious case of ‘restrictive cardiomyopathy', a severe case of it, which he was born with, and which was destined to cause his heart to go at a young age."

Nora said: "But he was hit by a car".

Mrs Elms respond: "There is a difference, Nora, between dying in a road and being hit by a car. In your root life Voltaire lived longer than almost any other life, except the one you’ve just encountered, where he died only three hours ago. Although he had a tough few early years, the year you had him was the best of his life. Voltaire has had much worse lives, believe me."

Nora: "You didn’t even know his name a moment ago."

Mrs Elms: "I knew his name."

Nora: "Why did you lie?"

Mrs Elms: "I wasn’t lying. I asked you what your cat’s name was. I never said I didn’t know what your cat’s name was. Do you understand the difference? I just wanted you to say his name, so that you would feel something."

Nora: "That’s even worse! You sent me into that life knowing Volts would be dead. And Volts was dead. So, nothing changed."

Mrs Elms: "Except you."

Nora: "What do you mean?"

Mrs Elms: "Well, you don’t see yourself as a bad cat owner any more. You looked after him as well as he could have been looked after. He loved you as much as you loved him, and maybe he didn’t want you to see him die. You see, cats know. They understand when their time is up. He went outside because he was going to die, and he knew it."

Nora: "But I still don’t get why you let me go into that life if you knew Volts was going to be dead anyway? You could have told me. You could have just told me I wasn’t a bad cat owner. Why didn’t you?"

Mrs Elms: "Because, Nora, sometimes the only way to learn is to live."

The Midnight Library follows the story of a 35 year old woman called Nora Seed whose life has been one mistake after another. From what I've read, her life is based in plenty of mistakes and regrets.

Since she was little, Nora has always been afraid of life. She's always striving for perfection, or abandoning situations and people for fear of not meeting expectations.

To begin with her mother, which habit never has been saying "I love you" to her daughter neither been there for her. Moreover, her father, who was her swimming coach, always pressuring her to be the best swimmer in the country.

However, the situation that truly overwhelmed her, occurred during her senior year of high school while she was at the library with Mrs. Elms, the librarian, completing university paperwork, when Mrs Elms received a phone call informing her that Nora's father had passed away from cardiac arrest.

Years later, her mother fell ill with cancer and passed away, just months before she was due to marry her fiancé, Dan.

In that period of time, she was also in a band with her brother and decided to leave the band out of fear, which caused the band to lose a possible record deal and caused his brother to resent her and stop speaking to her. Besides all of that, some time before her engagement, Nora had the opportunity to go study in Australia with her best friend but then she decided to quit for the same reason, fear.

Now in the present day, she discovered that his cat was found dead near the road, and for that reason, she arrived late the next day and that caused her boss decided to fired her.

For all this reasons, she decided that this night, she will going to kill herself. Therefore, she arrived home, took a lot of pills and die...or that what the author makes us believe.