Hydrangea Hearted

“Don’t you ever get tired of spouting that crap?” It’s spoken with cruel venom. A tone reserved especially for those she can begin to feel herself getting sentimental for. It’s selfish and unfair, but pushing people away certainly isn’t the worst thing she’s ever done.

The body count she’d left behind was a testament to that much.

And now, it was even worse, as she found herself betrayed by her own hope. She hoped he was right. That they would somehow make it out of here in one piece. Her mind can’t help but flicker to the last person who’d asserted that.

She wonders if he’ll let it drive him to murder, too.

Sharp, bright, crimson eyes scan the area. Nothing seemed unusual, at least, not more unusual than the normal goings on of the 79th class. There’s a sense of unease that fills the room, but that’s not out of the ordinary when she’s around.

Maki isn’t exactly popular. She’s ok with that.

Fingers drum on her desk idly. Her classmates chat idly, and her eyes find someone else sitting quiet and alone. Now that’s unusual. (or perhaps she hasn’t been paying enough attention after all)

Almost without her mind’s permission, she finds herself moving towards him. For a moment, she just looms nearby, unsure of how to continue. Social interaction has never been her strong suit.

“...”

SOFT ANGST STARTERS.

@sleuthingtime

“…”

At first, Maki doesn’t reply. No words come to her. She’s never been the nurturing or comforting type. That was Kaito’s forte. If he was here, he’d be able to say something that could somehow make this all better, make it hurt a little less.

Kaito.

The thought sends a new, fresh, aching, pang through her chest. She doesn’t cry. Not because she has no tears left, not because her throat isn’t still tight with sorrow; because it was something he would want.

Shuichi was soft hearted. In a way that Maki had convinced herself was foolish, was just painting a target on his entire being. But, in retrospect, she thinks she may have been envious. That soft heart allowed him to belong in a way that she never had.

That she had never allowed herself to.

‘You disliked yourself so much that you convinced yourself you didn’t deserve friends’

Even at death’s door he’d been able to read her so easily. Well, she had friends now. So what to do about the look on Shuichi’s face, the trembling that made him look about ready to come apart at the seams?

What would Kaito do? Say? Maybe it doesn’t matter, maybe that’s not what he needs.

A deep exhale, playing with one of the longer portions of her bangs, spinning it in her fingers indecisively, her eyes flicker between those heartbroken eyes and the ground beneath their feet.

“It doesn’t have to be goodbye, does it?” her reply comes softly, uncharacteristically so. Or perhaps it was only uncharacteristic to the persona she had chosen. 

“Kaito…everyone we lost. Their lives still have meaning.” A heavy feeling settles in her gut as she speaks, but it’s warm and not entirely unwelcome. Maybe this is all sentimental nonsense. Maybe it’s just a lie to make them both feel better.

But it feels honest on her tongue, and she supposes that’s enough.

Maki stands her ground, gaze flicking up to meet that of the young detective’s. This was it, this was what Kaito had died for. For those of them remaining. This was his love.