Lethal Action Force

A hotel of a thousand and 1 follies, lollies and lickemollies. A magic fountain flow of non stop wine, women and COOCHIE COOCHIE COOOOOO! All Night Long!- Ruby Rhod

If you love martial arts and action movies, then you are without a doubt familiar with this legendary name that needs no introduction: Jean-Claude Van Damme. The star of such classics as "Bloodsport," "Kickboxer," "Hard Target," "The Expendables 2" and now -- wait for it -- this Volvo commercial above.

Day 1,742

I, once again, was stuck guarding the small attack mammals lab. I don't get it. I just don't get it. You can't use small mammals as attack creatures. You can use them in reconnaissance, but as attack animals: no. You know how easy it would be to kick an attack hamster? But Dr. Lowe has been ignoring my suggestions I've placed in the suggestion box.

I have been guarding the same area, since I have worked here and nothing ever happens. Every other section get infiltrated or an explosion or chemical attacks. But small attack mammals nothing. Then today John, the guy who I started with at The Underground Lab of the Tyrant Dr. Lowe, gets attacked!! WTF!

Mark Reynolds, from the Secret Elite Task Force of Underground Operations, breaks in, and John was standing behind the vent shaft. No, John, the manual says you must stand in front of vents. So old Mark Reynolds drops down from the vent in front of John. John tasers him. Mark turns around and has a laser knife. He chops off John's hand. John, then, smashes the butt of his gun into Mark and knocks him out. John hogties Mark and Dr. Lowe arrives.

So what does John get because of this? First, he gets a bionic hand. Dr. Lowe says that since it was a laser that took it off, he would put on a laser on it. He, also, got to eat dinner with Dr. Lowe: honey glazed ham, Caesar salad, garlic mashed potatoes, asparagus, and prime rib.

He gets all this for doing his job wrong. In Section 302, Article 296, Line 45 of a Foot Soldiers Manual to The Underground Lab of the Tyrant Dr. Lowe, it says “Stand in front of all vents above your head”. I love, John. He is like a brother, but he did it wrong. Does Dr. Lowe say anything to him about it? Nope. Dr. Lowe threw Chad into the shark tank because he did not clear the mud from his shoes into the compost bin. But John, gets nothing. Sure, he got Mark and I can hear his screams now, but John still did something wrong.

I just wish Dr. Lowe would read my suggestions. An attack panda would be adorable and violent. They would throw off the victim with their cuteness and then destroy them with their strength.

I guess, I will just continue to be a foot soldier adrift.