Hakuna Matata.

how do you tell your dad " i want to kill myself but its okay dont worry because im probably too much of a pussy to do it anyway?"

Sometimes I think people forget what I'm going through. I think sometimes, people are so wrapped up in their own lives, and I never talk about it, so I think sometimes, people just forget. I don't think they really realize that i am so broken, and upset, and just a complete mess. I honestly think people just don't see it.I just lost my mom. I just lost my best friend. How can you think i want to go out and do anything? I'm sorry if you think im not doing enough, im sorry that you think you are babying me and that i need to be better, i really am. but i can barely wake up in the morning with out my mom. I can barely exist with out my mom. every single day i wake up and think about the fact that my mom is gone. every single day i sit by myself in my house and i cry because im alone, and i will forever be alone. i will never have another relationship like that because its just not possible. I am a fucking mess. I constantly see my mother, laying in bed, not moving, not breathing. I constantly feel the way her hard cold body felt when i tried to wake her up. I constantly remember the way Saki looked at me, like he knew my life was over. That will never go away. I will always have to deal with finding my mother. so i honestly dont give a flying rats ass if you think that i am not being responsible enough because i cant handle this. i wish i was dead. i want to die. because what is here for me now? what kind of life am i going to have with out my mother? constant therapy, a dad who doesnt understand me or why im like this at all, and friends who i will just bring down in the end. friends who dont understand, a therapist who doesnt understand, a dad who doesnt understand. why would i want any of that? i just want to die.