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𝕊𝕋ℝ𝔸𝕐 𝕂𝕀𝔻𝕊:

🫧Chan🫧

~ Your lips, my lips, apocalypse- 2 shot

~Part 1

~Part 2

𝕊𝕋𝔸ℝ 𝕋ℝ𝔼𝕂:

🫧Star Trek DS9:🫧

Ashayam, I despise you- Solok/Reader

I've got the bull by the horns- Solok/Reader 1/5

I've got the bull by the horns- Solok/Reader 2/5

🫧Star Trek VOY:🫧

Not that innocent- Vorik/Reader

🫧Star Trek ENT:🫧

You’re the ghost in the room- Soval/Reader

𝕊𝕋𝔸ℝ 𝕎𝔸ℝ𝕊:

🫧The Bad Batch:🫧

Which is why it pained you so much that he couldn’t see that. You did your very best to show Ijichi just how much you appreciated him, tired of having your repeated attempts at gratitude waved away with polite smiles. It made your chest ache when you slid into his passenger’s seat after a long mission to see the deep bruises under his eyes, the way his face pinched with stress at your wounds. It filled you with guilt, knowing your work- while extremely taxing and dangerous- was a fraction of the work Ijichi had to shoulder alone. Every mission needed to be logged, outcomes recorded, casualties tallied, paperwork filed. Not that he could ever make much of a dent in any of it during his working hours, reduced to running around performing meaningless tasks for the other sorcerers. The respect he received, considering the magnitude of his contributions, was minimal. 

You stared at the cracked screen of your phone in your bloodied hands, turning over your current situation in your head. The mission had been brutal, but doable. The injuries you had sustained were nothing Shoko couldn’t right, but that didn’t mean they didn’t hurt like hell. You checked the time, 11:07 pm. Was it worth it to call Ijichi, to put him through yet another late night of driving and paperwork? 

No. 

Though you weren’t quite sure how you were going to get back to Jujuitsu High yet, your conscience wouldn’t allow you to work Kiyotaka Ijichi to the bone.  Slowly, one painful step at a time, you began trudging down the deserted road in the general direction you had arrived in. The curse had left a sizeable gash on your forearm, and you felt the blood drip down your fingers as you walked. Cold gusts of wind whistled past you, sending a shiver up to the base of your neck. 

At least the sky is clear and I can see the stars?

Not that that fact would do you any good. It would be a long walk back, but the mental image of Ijichi curled up in bed and resting was like a hit of adrenaline and bliss. You wished he knew how much you admired him. However awkward and ordinary he came off, you could see his passive determination, so thoughtful in everything he did. Every time he picked you up, the first aid kit was already open on the dash, water in the cupholder, his jacket over your shoulders. Ijichi’s presence was like a warm blanket- safe, loving, dependable. All you wanted to do was shield him from the stress that was so clearly sucking the life out of him. You wandered on, lost in your thoughts of your sweet Ijichi.

   Your phone had long since died, and you had no idea how long you had been walking, but it didn’t concern you. Ijichi was safe at home, far from harm, and that was what mattered.

-

Ijichi was panicking. His knuckles were white on the steering wheel, sweat beading at his temple as he pressed his heel down on the accelerator. You’d never called back after your mission. No text, no request to be picked up, no indication you had survived your run-in with the curse. You always called. No matter what, you always called - even if it was just to tell him you were alive and then hang up. He felt borderline hysterical. It’d taken him a fraction of a second to grab his car keys once the clock had hit 10 without your call. Ijichi didn’t dare to think about what could’ve happened to you.

The longer he drove, the more frantic he became. Ijichi hadn’t slept, hadn’t eaten, hadn’t done anything but stare at his phone and wait for your call. Out the driver’s side window, he could see faint clouds of smoke billowing up in the distance. Scorched trees and destroyed land told him that you’d been here, that if nothing else, you had put up a good fight. Ijichi swallowed hard. Don’t think like that.

Following the path of destruction along the highway, Ijichi began to sense the presence of your cursed energy. She’s alive.

His onslaught of mind-bending panic subsided, if only marginally. Just because he sensed your energy now didn’t mean you weren’t bleeding out somewhere. The possibility of you not making it was still very, very real. Anger and frustration caused him to press down harder on the gas pedal. You shouldn’t be doing this to him; it should just be work. Ijichi’s grip on the steering wheel tightened. But it hadn’t been work, not for him, not for a long time. 

Somewhere over the years, his professional appreciation for you had blossomed into full-fledged feelings. You were so sure that he hadn’t noticed how you treated him, but he did. Ijichi reveled in your praise. Every grin, every compliment, every featherlight touch and consideration from you had branded itself in his mind. 

You were the first thing on his mind when we woke, running his hand over the empty side of his bed and wishing you were there. Your tired smile was the last coherent image his exhausted brain conjured before sleep took him; you were everything. Kiyotaka felt a spike of worry shoot up into his chest. What if it’s too late? 

What if all his years of struggling to acknowledge your gratitude and express his own were finally catching up to him? What if you’d pass without ever knowing how he revered you? How every inkling of your presence lit up his life in ways he never imagined possible. He might never get the chance to express to you just how madly in love with you he’d fallen- never feel your hand in his, your arms around him, your head on his chest-

The car’s high beams caught something on the edge of his vision, and he slammed on the brakes, you.

-

The sound of a familiar car screeching to a halt caused you to look down from the tree you were perched in. You’d climbed up to get a better look at your surroundings, maybe the car was just a random passerby. You prayed to whatever god would listen that it wasn’t Ijichi, even though he was the only person you wanted to see right now. The shame you knew you would face under his harsh, disapproving stare was something you needed more time to prepare yourself for. Yes, he would be upset that you didn’t call on him, but you reasoned that it was worth it to keep him safe. It couldn’t be.

Landing on your aching joints caused you to stumble as you made your way back to solid ground. Every muscle fiber burned with the stress of impact, sending white hot agony up your overtaxed body. Pain gave way to nausea as you braced yourself against the trunk, trying to claw your way back toward lucidity. The sound of heavy footsteps alerted you to the presence of someone in your periphery.  

“Y/N!”

-

Black spots appeared in your vision from how fast you whipped your head around. Ijichi was at a full sprint towards you. The sight of your safe place made your body cry out for rest, for the warmth and safety it instinctively knew he could provide. All you wanted to do was collapse into his arms, and it took everything to continue holding your head high. You would stand by your decision. He’s not supposed to be here.

Ijichi barely stopped himself from colliding with you at the pace he was running. Guilt and anxiety pooled in your stomach as you took him in. His hair was mussed, clearly from his trembling hands raking through it. The suit and tie he usually wore when you saw him were nowhere to be found, just his partially unbuttoned dress shirt and slacks left. Ijichi was breathing hard, and for a moment you considered reaching out to comfort him- before he burst.

“Are you fucking crazy? No call, no text, no nothing- you could’ve been dead for all I knew. Did you seriously think you could walk all the way back to the school in this condition?” He flung his arm out and gestured toward the trail of bloody drips you didn’t realize you’d been leaving. 

“Do you have any idea how worried I was? No, fuck that- I was terrified. Why didn’t you call? You know I’d have come to fetch you at a moment’s notice. I don’t know what’s gotten into you lately, or why you keep shutting me out, but I’m over it. Is it not obvious to you by now that you can depend on me? That I’d go out of my way to help you in any way you need?” 

Ijichi took a sharp inhale, red in the face with indignation. You were frozen in place, absolutely dumbfounded at his uncharacteristic outburst of emotion. Before you could begin to open your mouth to speak, he continued.

“You’re a fool if you think you can do everything alone. I’m here to help you, i’m here at your service. I don’t understand why you’d do this to yourself.”

Cold wind forced you to shiver again as the temperature plummeted into the night. Ijichi stepped closer to you and placed his hands on your arms, looking right into your eyes with a collected confidence you rarely saw from him. His warmth seeped into your cold bones, and despite your mind screaming in protest, you let him hold you upright.

 “Stop fighting me. You don’t have to respect me, you don’t have to care, you don’t have to appreciate anything I do for you- just let me do it.”

“Ijichi-” Your voice lilted with emotion at how little he thought of himself, and how you must’ve made him feel unwanted. That couldn’t be farther from the truth. You wanted to scream from the top of the tallest building how much you adored him.

“Kiyotaka.” He corrected, voice firm. 

The fire that had been stoking in your insides flared for less than appropriate reasons as you filed this strong, confident version of Ijichi away for later.

“Kiyotaka, you work so much and so hard, I couldn’t bring myself to demand more when you so clearly have nothing left to give-” Weakness and exhaustion tainted your voice enough to make you wince in embarrassment. You weren’t supposed to be exposed to him like this; you needed him to know you could protect him.

“Is that what you think this is? You think I’m doing this because it’s my job?” The crease of his brow softened, his deep brown eyes watery. His voice dropped, low and quiet, a whisper of passion in the night.

“Can you really not see?” Your stomach flipped. “God, how can you not know? Everyone knows Y/N, everyone.” 

“Iji- Kiyotaka, I-” You breathed deep, desperate to calm your traitorous heart that had dared to believe your feelings were mutual. “I don’t understand.” 

Ijichi’s sigh weighed heavily in the air between you. He looked exhausted, not from work, but from years of pent-up emotion. His fingers tightened around your arms. With a single swift motion, Ijichi had pulled you into his chest. One lithe arm snaked around your back, the other came up to cradle your head against his shoulder. 

“I love you.” A tear dripped down to your chin. 

“I’ve loved you since we were young. I’ve loved you every moment, from every distance, in every era of our lives. I know it’s obvious. I stopped trying to hide it years ago- when I accepted that I was gone, that you were it for me. All I want to do is protect you, and I don’t understand why you won’t let me.”

You sobbed faintly into his shirt. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Please forgive me, please.” You tried your hardest to form the words ‘I love you too’, but your mind and body had had enough. Nothing coherent was coming out in between your sobs.

Ijichi seemingly understood that you were too mentally and physically exhausted to function anymore. With hidden strength, he lifted you, holding you close as he made his way back to the car. Everything was blending together- your guilt, your shame, the scent of his cologne and the feeling of his body heat- it was all too much. Dimly, you were aware of him lying you down in the backseat and slipping his jacket over your tattered body. Gentle lips met your forehead. “Rest.”

“Who was that?” Chan said through gritted teeth. Butterflies erupted in your stomach as he tugged you close to him. “Answer me.”

Being this near made your head spin. The warmth of his body heated you up. Your neck was still bruised where Jay’s lips had been. Chan looked feral, clearly just as drunk as you were.

“Were you going to go home with him? Let that scumbag loser fuck you up against his front door? Are you that easy? Answer me. Now.”

“I don’t answer to you, Bang Chan. I can dance with whoever I damn well please. So if I’m going to dance with him- No, if I'm going to fuck him or his friend or both, what’s it to you?”

Something imperceptible flashed in Chan’s eyes. “Everything.”

You said nothing, did nothing. Just stood there and tried to process Chan’s words. Nothing made sense now, nothing would ever make sense again after whatever this was. The hand clutching the back of your head pulled you closer, and your foreheads brushed. Long fingers threaded through your hair as his eyes delicately fluttered closed.

“Everything, Y/N. I never want to see another man look at you like that, like you’re just a body. When he put his hands on you, I couldn’t deal Y/N.”

Chan sighed deeply, his eyes still closed.

“I can’t stand this, this distance between us. The ache in my chest when you lean away from me, how you can’t meet my eyes, it’s killing me. I know it's my fault, I did this to you, to us.”

His brown eyes opened, and he pulled back. You sensed he had more to say, but this wasn’t the place. Wordlessly, you took his hand in yours and began leading him out of the club. Dutifully, Chan followed.

Once you’d stepped outside, you glanced up at him for consent before gently tugging his hand in the direction of your apartment. Neither of you dared to speak and disturb the precious moment between you. Chan’s arm tucked itself around your waist as a gust of cold wind whistled past. Something hung in the air as the two of you made your way back to your apartment, the raw vulnerability that comes before every hard conversation.

Chan stood patiently behind you while you fumbled for your keys, struggling to unlock your door with shaking hands. A frustrated noise left you as you tried to get the key to turn in the lock. Chan’s hand reached out and brushed yours away. Effortlessly, he unlocked your door and held it open for you. Entering after you, he gently shut your door and hung your keys on the hook next to it as if he was made to do it for you.

Going against the nervous feeling in your stomach, you turned to face him. Chan stood there, looking at you with his hands shoved awkwardly in his pockets. Wordlessly, you walked up to him and wrapped your arms around his neck, pressing your cold nose into the crook of his neck. His strong arms wrapped around you, pulling you flush up against his chest. You hoped he couldn’t feel your heartbeat hammering wildly. The two of you stayed like that until his hoarse voice broke the fragile quiet.

“I love you.” You felt his nose press into the hair on the top of your head. “Always have. I couldn’t stand this, this…thing between us anymore. I’m sorry Y/Nie, I’m so sorry. I don’t know why I’ve been acting this way. You make me so scared, so scared Y/Nie.”

You sniffled, curling your fingers into his coat as you tried to get closer.

“I don’t want to hurt you or our friends, but I can’t keep it inside any longer. I never wanted to hurt you. I think about what I said about you in front of everyone that day in the country all the time. We almost died and I-” Chan choked.

“I almost lost you. I almost lost you before I could tell you. Seeing you so scared broke my heart, all I want to do is keep you safe in my arms forever. I love you Y/Nie, I love you so much. Please, please let me love you.” Quiet sobs followed his confession, and he buried his face in your hair.

You didn’t bother trying to hide your tears, you cried into his chest and tangled your fingers in his hair. Standing there, wrapped up in each other’s arms, you cried in the quiet darkness of your apartment.

“I love you too Channie. I love you. I always have. I wanted you to love me so bad after that day, after we almost-” You couldn’t finish the sentence. Limp in his arms, you tugged at this jacket.

He must’ve understood what you were asking for as he slipped his jacket off and hung it next to yours on the coat rack. You were asking him to stay. Taking off your shoes, you motioned for him to follow you into your room. Heart racing in your chest, you perched on the edge of your bed. He stood in your doorway, hesitating.

“Y/N, are you sure?”

“Yes Channie, I’m sure.” You pulled up the covers and waited for him to climb in with you. The moment he settled down, you wrapped yourself around him, letting your head rest against his chest. A gentle thumb wiped the dried tear tracks from your face. Chan’s other snaked around your waist and pulled your leg up over his own.

Plush lips met your own as Chan pulled you up against him. You kissed him back with just as much urgency, using your leg to pull his hips flush against your own. Your lips parted for him, and Chan deepened the kiss. Resisting the urge to grind against him, you explored every corner of his mouth. Chan groaned when you ran your hands down his chest and toyed with the hem of his shirt. You slipped your hands underneath it to feel the abs you knew he was hiding. He grabbed one of your hands before they could dip down towards his waistband and broke the kiss.

“Let me take you out to dinner first. Let me buy you flowers and pull your chair out for you. Let me put my jacket over your shoulders and walk you home. I want everything to be perfect when I ask you to be my girlfriend. I want to make the first time special for you. I want you to understand that I’m not just in it for your body. I want you, all of you, exactly the way you are. I want to love you where everyone can see us.”

Cheeks on fire, you buried your head in your hands in embarrassment. Chan laughed and pulled you closer. Prying your hands from your face, he pressed his nose against yours.

“Please let me take you to dinner?”

You smiled softly. “I only have one condition. I think now’s pretty perfect, ask me.”

Chan looked at you with such fondness that you knew you’d never doubt his feelings again. “You’re right. This is perfect. Y/N, will you be my girlfriend?”

Your breath puffed in front of you in the cold winter air, small white clouds against the darkness. A gust of frigid wind blew past, and you tugged your scarf tighter around your neck in indignance. Trudging all the way downtown after a long day of work to go clubbing for Minho’s birthday was the last thing you wanted to be doing right now.

A dull, chilly ache had settled itself into your bones earlier this afternoon and had been with you since. You’d been shivering at your desk, hunched over your spreadsheets for hours until the clock had mercifully read 5:00 pm. Instead of the comforting monotony of going home to your quiet apartment, you were going to spend the night squashed into a booth, just tipsy enough to be uncomfortable. But you loved Minho, so of course you’d make it to his special day, even if it was just the slightest bit agonizing. As you walked, you tried to convince yourself to have a good time. 

You missed Jisung’s beaming smile and Felix’s warm personality, seeing them might shake that lingering cold out of you. And of course, you’d be doubled over laughing at Changbin and Hyunjin. It’d been a while since you’d seen Jeongin, he must be almost done with his bachelor’s by now, you’d have to ask him about it. And Seungmin had just recently finished reading that book you’d lent him- It’d be so nice for us all to be together again. Oh, and Chan.

Furrowing your brows thinking of Minho’s friend, you tried to keep your mind open. Just because Chan would be there didn’t mean you couldn’t have a good time, even if you were sure he would brush you off like lint on his sweater.

For some reason beyond the scope of your understanding, Chan had just never warmed up to you. When Minho introduced you -his neighbor from childhood- to his friends from grad school, you were terrified. Despite your reservations about intruding on their lives, they had welcomed you with open arms into their little family. Never again did you doubt the validity of your friendships with the boys outside of your relationship with Minho. Chan had been a different story.

You thought maybe he was just quiet around new people, but that proved not to be the case. He was perfectly polite to strangers, acquaintances, all the new girlfriends Jisung seemed to have, everyone. Whenever you stepped out of the room Chan’s entire demeanor shifted, and shifted right back when you returned. Whatever he would be saying would die on his lips and he would retreat out of the conversation almost immediately. He was a moonflower and you were the sun, you closed him up.

When you did have the misfortune of interacting with him, it was charged and short-lived. Whatever you said he automatically disagreed with. If you were all going out as a group, the two of you would argue incessantly until things came to a head in an all-out fight. The hateful things you’d hurl at each other made your mutual friends avoid getting the whole group together at all costs. You recalled a trip you’d all taken out to the country for a day to get away from work and the city.

-

 It started innocently enough, with you and Chan getting stuck in the same car, him driving with you in the passenger’s seat. It’d been a wildly unlucky scenario, but the others had already gotten on the road while you both had work to finish up. The plan had been to just drive yourself, but of course, this was exactly when your roommate had desperately needed the car. In her quest to set you up with Chan, she’d told you she needed to pick her sister up from the airport, which was technically true. After getting in his passenger’s seat you’d wished you’d told her to walk.

Another driver’s careless merge had almost ended in disaster. You’d been sitting in silence driving on the highway for about an hour, a fragile peace over the two of you. Someone had cut Chan off, and reflexively he had thrown his arm across your chest as he hit the brakes to keep you from flying forward. He barely stopped from crashing directly into the car in front of you.

 You were both rattled after the near accident, Chan pulled over and the two of you just sat in silence, processing. You couldn’t remember how long you’d sat there, Chan’s arm resting across your thighs. Tears of relief began pouring down your face. Chan gripped the steering wheel in one hand and took your hand with the other.

“It’s ok, it’s ok. Shh, we’re ok. I got you, sweetheart, I got you.” 

His thumb drew circles on the back of your hand for the rest of the drive while he murmured you reassurances. Every so often he would glance at you, such tenderness in his big brown eyes that it made you want to burst. It could’ve been a turning point in your relationship, a gateway to a newfound peace between you, if not for Jisung.

“Channie! Y/Nie! What’s this, huh?” It started the minute Chan had parked the car and opened the door to help you out. Both of you were still rattled, so you gripped his hand back in yours without thinking. Jisung’s taunted relentlessly until Chan snapped.

“Quit it Jisung. We almost got into an accident and she wouldn’t stop bawling. Couldn't drive the rest of the way if she didn't shut up. Keep that bullshit to yourself, we’re still nothing.” You tried not to let more tears fall when he carelessly dropped your hand and pushed his way inside your accommodations. Moments ago he’d been holding your hand so tenderly in his own, now you were left standing there like a fool, 7 pairs of eyes boring into you.

-

You’d tried picking the other’s brains for reasons why Chan might think to treat you so coldly, but they never did anything but sigh and ask to drop it. Even Minho wouldn’t crack, just look at you with heavy eyes. Whenever you asked, a bleak aura overtook your conversant. It wasn’t worth it. There was another instance when you felt as though you had seen beneath his facade. 

-

You’d cornered Chan in Seungmin’s kitchen when everyone had been over for a movie night. It had initially been an accident, you’d only gone to refill Felix’s popcorn bowl when you’d spotted him. His wellbeing wasn’t in the forefront of your mind, but when you’d walked in on him gripping the counter, head down and eyes squeezed shut it’d tugged at your heart. You’d stood still for a moment, assessing what you had been seeing. 

“Are you alright?” 

Had been all you said, deciding to keep it simple. Chan wasn’t the most convivial person you’d ever met, but it wasn’t like him to keep to himself to such an extent. Your heart pounded in your chest when he’d turned his head, those soulful brown eyes that never seemed to be looking at you finally meeting your own. Something flickered in their depths that lit a fire in your heart. It felt as though he’d ravished you with nothing but a glance.

“Yes, just…collecting myself. It’s nothing, please don’t waste your worry on me. Go back to the boys and finish the movie, I'll take care of Felix’s popcorn. Please Y/N, forget this.”  It fell from his lips as casually as the time.

You’d nodded, gasping quietly when his fingers brushed against yours as he took the bowl from your hand. Daring to look up, you saw him already gazing down at you. The ember in his eye from moments ago was now an inferno consuming you. His eyes raked over your body and lingered over your lips. For a moment neither of you moved, fingers barely brushing. 

He’d pulled back so quickly you almost hadn’t realized it. Face on fire, you slunk back to your place at Jeongin’s side and pretended to become absorbed in the movie once again. That had been the longest conversation you’d ever had with him. Barely more than 5 minutes, but it felt as though he’d split you open and seen your heart.

-

Against your will, you felt your face heat up as you recalled the incidents. Those deep brown eyes haunted you, worst of all when it was late at night and you were alone in your bed, with nothing but your desire for him. You were almost there according to your phone, so you pushed the thoughts of Chan from your mind as you walked up to the group of men waiting outside the club.

“Y/N!” Jeongin was the first to greet you, quickly followed by the others as they showered you with welcomes.

“We missed you the other day,” Changbin said as he threw an arm over your shoulder. “You seriously gotta get out more. Come clubbing with us next time! I solemnly swear I will try to get you laid.” He crossed his fingers over his heart in mock solidarity as everyone around him burst into laughter.

“Hey, if all else fails, I’m sure we can arrange something.” He flashed you his million-dollar smile that made all the girls swoon as you keeled over laughing. Any apprehension you’d been harboring before melted away as you leaned into Changbin’s side, so grateful you had a friend like him.

“You better take her out to dinner first if you’re gonna come on her like that.” Came a familiar deep voice from behind you. Feeling two arms wrap around your waist and squeeze, you beamed. Felix had arrived.

“Missed ya,” He said simply, squeezing himself in between you and Changbin. “Where’s Chan?” 

Minho shrugged and Seungmin looked down at his phone, checking for a text. “He should be here any minute now.” 

“I’m here.” 

Stiffening, you tried to keep your cool as Chan’s voice drifted over your head. He walked up behind Jeongin and Hyunjin. His presence was august- powerful and noticeable, even unintentionally. Words flowed from his plush lips like poems, composed for the sole purpose of- 

What were you thinking? You were talking about Chan. Get a grip.

 “Let’s go birthday boy, it’s cold outside.” His symphonic voice reverberated through you, throwing you even further off balance than you were before.

“Hell yeah!” Hyunjin took off like a bullet searching for the ‘perfect place to sit’, a fruitless endeavor for him as he would be spending all night on the dance floor anyway. Jisung and Minho followed dutifully after him and the rest of the boys disappeared to get drinks. With a sinking feeling in your stomach, you realize they had split up, leaving you alone with Chan. Swallowing, you stared down at your sensible but pointedly bland work clothes, feeling like a fool for not dressing better. The looming reality of Chan’s presence beside you made you feel meek, and you wilted like a flower in the sun.

“Y/N, Chan!” The saving grace of Minho’s voice wafted over to you. “Why are you two just standing around, come on! It’s my birthday, drink in my honor!” 

He shoved mysterious fruity cocktails into both your hands and whisked you over to the booth Hyunjin had procured. Everyone was talking and laughing, fully relaxed and blissfully unaware of how world-shattering it was when Chan’s arm brushed against your own as the two of you sat down. 

Conversation flowed and you nodded along, doing your best to stay engaged and your mind ran wild. Nimble fingers brushed your waist every so often as Chan shifted to reach across the table for another drink. Each time you felt thunderstruck.

“Alright, the party starts now. Shots!” 

Changbin appeared seemingly out of thin air with more shots than you’d ever seen in one place. The sight of so much liquor was daunting on its own, never mind that you’d have to drink it. What would they think if you got too drunk? Would your makeup still look ok? What if you made a fool of yourself? What would Chan-

“Get out of your head Y/N! We’re letting loose here, none of your worrying. We gotta party like we did in college, do it for Minho!” Changbin slid you a shot. You squirmed in your seat, unable to escape your thoughts. “C’mon Y/N!” A chorus of ‘Yeahs’ and ‘Come ons’ drowned out your inner voice, and before you knew it you’d thrown your head back, downing whatever Changbin had given you. 

Slamming the shot glass on the table, you leaned back in the booth and smiled. Everyone celebrated you taking the first shot by following suit with their own. Glancing around the table at your friends laughing, your eyes landed on Chan. It made you frown when you noticed the number of glasses he’d accumulated this early on in the night. 

But Changbin was right, everyone was. Worrying about Chan had never done you any good. Every time you brought up your insecurities about him, they shut you down. They knew it was eating you up inside, you didn’t deserve to agonize. If all he was ever going to do was ice you out, you wouldn’t waste another moment. Throwing back another shot, you let the warmth of the alcohol tingle through your body. This was nice, maybe you did need to get out more.

“That’s it, I’m dancing. Don’t ask me for anything, I don’t know you.” Hyunjin predictably made his escape from the group first, making a beeline for the first attractive person he saw. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was your newfound lack of interest in what Chan thought of you, but you followed after him with Jeongin and Jisung in tow.

You felt a slight prickle of nervousness as you made it to the dance floor, you hadn’t done something like this in a long time. Before you could even begin to think, Jisung grabbed your hand and pulled you up against him. Jeongin joined in, and the three of you danced like lunatics. 

You loved the boys dearly, but not quite in that way, so drunk dancing sandwiched between the two of them had no consequences. They didn’t care, so why should you? It was freeing to feel desired. Basking in the attention, you dragged them closer as the alcohol removed your inhibition. It felt selfish being the center of attention, you laved yourself in it. 

-

Chan scowled down at his crossed hands. He knew he was bringing down the mood with how much he was drinking, but what else was he supposed to do? 

“Chan, man, I think you should call it quits pretty soon.” Seungmin was the first to break the silence. It’d been almost 30 minutes since you’d left, and the tension had only been building since. Felix and Minho nodded, and Changbin put his hand on Chan’s shoulder.

“M’ fine. Don’t worry about me, especially not on your birthday, Minho.” He mumbled, unable to look his friends in the eyes. His heart clenched knowing he was worrying them, the boys he’d grown to love like brothers. 

Ordinarily, he’d listen. No, ordinarily he’d have never let himself get so out of control. But tonight was different, the feelings he’d been trying so hard to keep inside were forcing their way out. It was stupid, how badly he’d been pinned beneath the weight of his feelings and the reality of his predicament. How can you love someone you barely know?

“Dude, clearly something’s up. Spit it out, I’m not doing the run-around tonight.” Distinct finality was embedded in Minho’s statement. No wasn’t an answer he could get away with this time. This was his comeuppance for closing himself off for so long. If the truth wasn’t going to come out on its own, it was going to be forced out. Before he could stop himself, the words he’d spent countless nights agonizing over and carefully planning tumbled out of him in a drunken slur.

“M’ in love with Y/N. ‘Know it’s stupid, she barely knows me. Didn’t mean for it to happen, jus’ did.” 

Nothing happened. The world kept turning. Chan kept breathing. People danced around them and the words just sat there, quiet and raw. His throat felt tight and his sternum ached with the painful reality of what had just happened.

“Sorry. ‘Knew I shouldn’t have said shit. Gotta keep staying away from her, can’t mess anything up for you guys. ‘Jus forget it, I-”

“Chan, you’re kidding.” Felix was the first to regain his composure while the others gawked at him. “Are you so dense that you don’t realize what you’re doing to her? Can you seriously not tell that she cares about you, that she wants to be near you, to know you no matter how much you push her away? I mean, is it really that difficult to imagine that she might-”

Felix’s voice became nothing but a dim buzzing in the back of Chan’s mind as he stumbled out of his seat. Wherever you were, he was going to find you.

-

Heat crashed over you in waves as your partner’s hands ran down the sides of your body. At some point, you’d gotten tangled up with this handsome stranger, and you had no desire to part from him. Jeongin and Jisung each paired off with a different woman, just as lost in their respective moments as you were. Minho and Changbin were drunkenly dancing, not a care in the world apparent to either of them. Hyunjin seemed to be having the best night of all, he was nowhere to be found.

The music peaked and you pressed your back against your partner’s chest, sighing out as his lips met your neck. You think his name was Jay, but you’d forgotten it the minute his hands had come to rest on your hips. Whoever he was, he’d managed something no one had been able to since you’d met Chan, he’d made you feel bold. You twirled around in his arms as he spun you to face him, your lips inches apart. Fingers threaded themselves between the curls at the nape of your neck. You were so close to kissing him that it made your body vibrate. Just one more inch.

“Get off my girl.” You stiffened in his arms, sobering up like you’d been splashed. That couldn’t be his voice, yet it was unmistakable who’s hand was curling around your waist.

“Your girl?” Jay said, clearly reluctant to release you.

“Yeah, my girl.” He tugged you forward into his chest, and Jay quietly slipped away into the throng. Whatever appeal he had provided for you vanished into nothingness as Chan’s hand came up to hold the back of your head, the other wrapping around your waist. His eyes bore into yours, swimming with something you couldn’t place. Your heartbeat picked up in your chest as you noticed his eyes flick downwards.

Chan stared at your parted lips, your cheeks flushed red like a Roman beauty. You stared back at him, his large arms still locked tightly around you. Neither of you made any indication of releasing the other. The people dancing and the sounds of the music faded into the background as you stood in his arms. It felt as though his gravity had finally sucked you in, with the way he was looking at you, you knew there was no escaping your feelings for him now.