i feel it more than ever

      this won’t end well. the twist in her chest was sharp and dylan was worried for a second that something was physically wrong with her. she couldn’t remember the last time something hurt so much – from words alone. it was a rejection – something she was terrified of happening. and as much as she wanted to sink into herself and tell her how stupid she was for thinking that lenox might want her, she remembered the way her friend kissed her back. she could feel it right now. there was a delicate dance they were both participating in. dylan wanted to say fuck it and kiss lenox again, but it wouldn’t be right. now the way she was speaking. she knew the other agent was right. she knew they could never be, but still she stupidly hoped. 

      “yes, right. you’re right.” the twist in her chest hit hard again and she gasped unable to stop herself. the hug felt suffocating, but she closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around lenox tighter than before. she didn’t want to think that this would be the last time she touched her like this. she couldn’t think that. the kiss to her temple made her shiver and she let out a soft whimper. “i want to fight with you, but i think it’s better if you just let me go.” she swallowed down the lump in her throat, her eyes burning something fierce. “if you don’t, i’ll do something stupid and i want to respect you, so please.” 

      she struggled out of lenox’s comforting embrace. she couldn’t breath, the world closing in on her. her eyes tightly shut and she could remember the blade to her throat and the sharp pain as she bled out and got dizzy. with whatever strength she had, she grasped the edge of the pool and pulled herself out. she was soaking wet, but didn’t bother to stop and grab a towel or her discarded t-shirt. she kept her head down and scurried out of the pool. she needed to be alone. 

“Okay...” Lenox let Dylan wriggle out of her embrace, her body already yearning for the touch she hadn’t realised she was so badly in need of. In her heart of hearts, she knew she’d done the right thing. Allowing the kiss to continue or progress into something else would only cause trouble for the both of them. That didn’t make it any easier to let her go and not follow. She wanted to apologise or find a way to make it better, but they were beyond that. And she knew she at least owed Dylan some space. 

With her heart sinking in her chest as Dylan disappeared from view, Lenox finally let the tears fall. Sometimes she really hated that she was one of the trusted few. Her loyalty to the agency would always cost her her happiness. But sacrifices had to be made and if she was the one making them, maybe she’d prevent this happening to another pair of agents. She just wish Dylan hadn’t had to pay the price too. 

Alone once again, she allowed her powers to slip away so she could slowly sink down into the depths of the pool. Only when her body hit the bottom did she throw up her bubble shield again, needing that isolation from the rest of the world. Maybe then she’d stop hurting the people she cared for most. 

       the moan sent a shock through dylan’s body and for a second, she could imagine them outside of tartarus. she could picture a normal life from them both. one with endless kisses and wandering hands and no need to ever stop. maybe soft laughter rippling through a dark room. soft whispers of affection between giggles followed by breathy sighs and moans. no worries of mkhellfire. no worries of if they should or could. just the two of them wrapped up in their world figuring each other out. dylan wouldn’t shy away from her touch. and lenox would relax in her arms, soft and pliant and ready. 

      she was brought back from her thoughts when her back hit the solid wall of the pool and lenox’s hand on her cheek. it was her turn to sigh heatedly against her friend’s lips. the next moan caused a whine to leave her own lips. her fingers twisted in the top of lenox’s swimsuit – steady and strong and unwilling to let go. then her mouth was gone followed by her hands and dylan suddenly felt alone. an ache bloomed in her chest when she heard the words. a whine left her lips again, but less needy and more desperate. her mind wasn’t functioning – not with the taste of lenox still on her tongue. 

      with all her strength, she opened her eyes and stared at the other agent. her lips with swollen from the rough kisses and her cheeks dusted a tantalizing pink even though she had been freezing not a few minutes before. “i don’t want it to be a one time thing either.” her voice cracked and she hated how it betrayed her. “why does it have to be a one time thing?” a needy edgy in her tone made her drop her head and sigh. “sorry.” she mumbled it out before finally making eye contact again. “you can’t look at me like that if you don’t want me to kiss you again.” she set her jaw. her fingers were still tightly gripping lenox’s swimsuit. “you’re the only thing that makes sense in this whole place, nox.” her other hand reached up to cup her face, her thumb mimicking what the other agent had been doing as they kissed. 

The noises they’d let out during the kiss as well as the little whine from Dylan as she’d pulled her away, replayed in her head like a siren’s song. Tempting and so very dangerous. Maybe in another life or another universe she would have given in. And that version of me is a lucky bitch, she thought bitterly. The kiss had awakened some primal side of her that she hadn’t seen in years and it scared her to think of how badly she wanted to give into it and take exactly what she wanted. 

Dylan was speaking now and every word she uttered clawed and pulled at her. Why did she have to be the responsible one? The one who had to say no? Oh right, because she was the ranking agent. One of only a few who’d been entrusted with secrets that the rest weren’t privy to. 

Letting out another sigh, Lenox smiled sadly and dipped her head down. “Because this won’t end well. We both know the rules and what they’ll do if they even find out we kissed. ” Dylan deserved happiness. She deserved so much more than a life in Tartarus could give her, and it killed Lenox that she was trapped there. Her own freedom was something she’d long since stopped hoping for. Being an agent gave her purpose and direction. Their methods left nothing to be desired, but Lenox believed in their ultimate goal and mission. As much as she cared for Dylan, she couldn’t jeopardise that or risk Dylan’s safety by trying to have the best of both worlds. 

As she spoke, Lenox struggled to look directly at Dylan, knowing one look at her darkened eyes and swollen lips would break her resolve and have her deciding to say “fuck it” before crashing her lips back against Dylan’s. As she came to a close, Lenox instead pulled Dylan back into a hug, ignoring the sting of tears in her eyes and willing them not to fall. Turning her head in, Lenox ever so gently kissed the other agent’s temple, her next words spoken directly against her skin.  “I’m sorry, ae-in. We can’t. Nothing good can come of this.” 

dylvnkane‌:

      the whimper was enough to rock dylan, but she didn’t move away. usually, she would have stopped and taken a step back. but there was nowhere to go – not with lenox’s arms snaked around her waist and her powers keeping them afloat. and more than that, dylan didn’t want to move away. she didn’t want this to stop. maybe it was selfish and wrong, but she could deal with that pit of self doubt tomorrow. because right now, for the first time in a long time, she felt wanted and needed and if that was all she would get, then she would greedily take it. the noise caused her to hum against lenox’s pulse. she stopped herself from opening her mouth and licking a stripe up her neck. she still could control. for now.

      she could feel the other woman’s heart against her chest. the two of them battling for who could thump wilder. “did i push too much?” she ghosted her lips up the length of her neck and whispered the words into the shell of her ear. “i can stop.” but her hold on the other agent didn’t soften or give away. if anything, she felt desperate now for it not to stop. “tell me the word and i will. even if i don’t want to.” her cheeks burned with a mixture of embarrassment and desire. she was glad lenox couldn’t see it. 

Did she push too much? Really? That was an actual question? If Lenox weren’t so completely caught up in the moment she might’ve stepped away to look at Dylan straight in the eyes and raise her eyebrows. But she wasn’t in a place to be judging. Not when she’d accidentally been the one to manoeuvre herself into that very spot. 

The soft caress of hot air against her ear had her trembling in Dylan’s arms, desperate for more. Lenox knew that if she asked Dylan to stop that the other woman would. But she didn’t want her to stop. She’d be lying if she claimed to have never noticed how attractive her friend was. Mix the physical attraction in with just how much she cared for her and Lenox was well and truly screwed.

Knowing she had to face the music, Lenox slowly pulled away from Dylan and stopped when they were finally face to face, arms still tightly wrapped around her. “I can’t…our friendship is too important to me to risk messing it up. I can’t ruin this for you or for me,” she eventually said, eyes brimming with emotion as she leaned in and rested their foreheads together. 

dylvnkane‌:

      the tension between them only seemed to ramp up. dylan’s eyes flitted from lenox’s eyes to her mouth. she knew it wasn’t subtle, especially not being this close. and for a split second, she thought her friend was going to kiss her. her skin practically crackled with energy at the thought alone. it was something she’d been thinking about since she got back from the mission – lenox the only person who could relax her when she felt like she was cracking in a million different pieces. it was a stupid want… need. she could control herself. but if…

      she was pulled out of her thoughts when she felt herself floating without having to tread water. lenox was making sure the two of them floated. her heart beat against her ribcage in an uneven staccato. she swore her consciousness was threatening to jump from her body she was so on edge. the arms around her body felt like flames licking up her skin. her teeth were no longer chattering. the look was met with a needy one in return. dylan found it impossible to find her voice. 

      being pulled into a hug made her relax. she became almost boneless in lenox’s arms. her head immediately finding her shoulder burying her face into her neck. she smelled like chlorine and that soap she favored. she smelled like her sheets, an all encompassing smell that immediately caused the tension in her shoulders to seep out. “more than okay,” she mumbled against her skin, her lips ghosting over her skin. she lightly brought her arms around lenox’s shoulders – looping around her neck so she couldn’t move away yet. “thank you.” it came out softly as she nuzzled the skin underneath her lips. heart hammering so hard she knew lenox would be able to feel it, she threw caution to the wind. she pressed her lips firmly to the woman’s pulse point and allowed herself to get lost in the steady thrumming underneath her skin. 

As Dylan’s arms found their way around her shoulders, Lenox finally relaxed into the hug. It had been so long since she’d hugged anyone and it was crazy how such a simple act could do so much for her mental wellbeing. Her grip around Dylan’s waist tightened and she let out a sigh she hadn’t even realised she’d been holding. 

First came the soft nuzzle into her neck that had every inch of Lenox’s skin coming alive, causing shivers to pleasantly run down her back. But it was the gentle caress of lips against her bare neck that had Lenox’s knees growing weak and if she hadn’t already been using her powers to hold them up, the two of them probably would have sunk straight down into the middle of the pool. Though from the way her body was reacting to the affection, Lenox doubted that a swift dunking could interrupt what was happening between them. 

A weak whimper left her lips and she trembled, scared to pull away and face Dylan, because she knew her eyes would betray her. Her body was begging her to just accept what was happening between them, and her heart throbbed painfully in her chest. She wanted this so badly. “Dylan…what…” 

dylvnkane‌:

      as soon as she dipped into the water, lenox was gone underneath the surface. a heat bloomed in the center of her chest, but it wasn’t enough to stop her teeth from chattering. not with the two of them wet and treading water. dylan couldn’t help but return the smile, her cheeks almost hurting with how wide it became. she rolled her eyes playfully and splashed water at the other agent. all the tension she felt before walking into this room was slipping away quickly. things felt light now. besides the tension coiling between them. maybe it was just her head – it couldn’t be trusted these days, but maybe it wasn’t.

      “i am not a big baby!” she gasped in indignation. she kicked her legs as she narrowed her eyes in a joking manner. she then splashed water in her direction with a loud, unbecoming laugh. it echoed around the empty room, but she couldn’t find it in her to care. “i’m not getting soft! i’ll have you know i’m a badass.” her teeth chattered again, but before she could do anything, lenox sank beneath the surface again. she frantically looked around, but knew that her friend would be okay. 

      the heat that lessened when she dipped in the pool, now came back in full force when lenox popped up behind her. “nox.” the nickname slipped easily from her lips. a shudder went through her body at the feel of the woman behind her. with a small hum, she leaned back not sure exactly how close she was, but dylan was willing to risk it. she was the one who got behind her and so close. “how do you propose you do that? any ideas.” she looked over her shoulder with a smirk. with a renewed sense of purpose, she turned around finally realizing how close they were together. she raised an eyebrows with another smile. 

It had been so long since she’d gotten to just have fun in Tartarus. Of course she had free hours where she could just do whatever, but chilling out and watching Netflix or working out in the gym weren’t her idea of fun. Getting to be silly and carefree. Laughing for the first time in what felt like months. That was fun. And getting to experience all of that with Dylan only made it that much better. 

Of course she’d made a grave error when she’d decided to duck under and swim behind Dylan. In her mind maybe she’d do all that and then dunk Dylan in all the way underwater, get her body all at the same temperature so she could adjust to it quicker, but she hadn’t been anticipating that Dylan would lean back into her. It had been awhile since anyone had gotten this close to her and it showed. Lenox’s eyes fluttered shut and all she could do was hum when Dylan spoke. 

Suddenly the warmth was gone and Lenox opened her eyes to protest, only to be greeted with Dylan’s impossibly blue eyes so close to her face. She swallowed thickly, completely entranced by the blonde and so ready to lean in and do something incredibly stupid. But Dylan was one of the few people she could rely on and there was no way she was going to risk that for a split second of weakness. Instead, Lenox discreetly used her powers to ensure they’d both be able to float without needing to tread water, and closed the distance, wrapping her arms around Dylan’s waist. She searched her eyes, silently asking for permission, before pulling the other agent into a hug. “Is this okay?”

dylvnkane‌: 

     a sense of relief flooded her system at the words. she wasn’t unwanted. for a second, dylan could forget the pain of dying – the way she screamed as flesh met sword. she cleared her throat and focused on lenox in front of her. “don’t be so sweet or you might make a girl crazy.” she kept her tone low and teasing. “if you wanted to get me wet, all you have to do is ask.” the words slipped out and her face burned with the implication. it was supposed to come out as a joke, but instead she felt the weight of them settle on her shoulders. she was sure her entire face was red. she cleared her throat. “sorry. i didn’t… i meant swimming. obviously.”

     once lenox turned away from her, she allowed herself to study her. the hand next to her knee stayed attached to her skin. “i can’t blame you. the agents are getting restless and all it’ll take is someone looking the wrong way.” she lifted her eyes to look at her friend. the blush that settled on her face seemed to now be a permanent feature. “i’m not. i’m not a smooth talker. it’s not a line.” she hated the way she sounded desperate. it was hard to explain how the other woman’s presence put her at ease. “you don’t have to either. censor yourself. i can handle anything.” her fingers uncurled from the fist she’d been making and laid on top of lenox’s hand holding it in place.  

Lenox was grateful for the dim lighting in the room and the fact that when she blushed it didn’t stand out that much against her natural skin tone. It allowed her to get away with reacting to the incendiary words coming from Dylan, which were clearly not meant in any serious way if her reaction was anything to go by. “If I wanted to get you wet, I wouldn’t have to ask.” Using her free hand, she swiped at the water, causing a mini wave that drenched Dylan’s lower legs and knees. A smug look crossed her face and she didn’t need to say it for anyone looking to know that her expression just screamed “told you”.

The hand placed on hers made Lenox smile even wider and before she could second guess herself, she intertwined their fingers, needing the comfort that the contact brought her. “I know and I never would. You’re easy to talk to.”