bloodtraitor

“Every man for himself it seems.” Sirius shook his head. “That’s why we’re here, to protect everyone not just ourselves.” He smiled slightly, he liked being a part of the Order even though he knew he wasn’t very experienced with things like this, but he picked up on things a lot quicker than anyone expected him to and excelled in whatever he thrown in to. 

“It’s how it should be,” Lennox agreed, though his voice was lighter like it was a thought rather than a statement. Everything was so complicated except in the realm of what should be done, what needed to be done. To survive, to win, they had to protect everyone they could.

❝ It’s the hardest thing in the world until something happens - the one thing - and suddenly it’s all there is. And there’s no balance. I’d give anything to be able to tell myself one more lie.

“It seems we’re all in the middle of something we never thought to see ourselves in. I could give you a lie if you truly want one. But maybe I don’t even know enough of the truth to make one up.”

Lily smiled before tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “I guess I can let that slide.” She teased a little, finally feeling a bit more at ease. “Though every time you apologise to me just know I will tell you you needn’t.” She laughed.

Lennox nodded before he chuckled lightly. “That's completely fair.”

❝ I know. I’m…

❝ Honestly? I don’t think any mission can guarantee safety. I wish I could tell you otherwise, but… Until the war is over, I don’t think anything is safe.

“I’m not sure what to else say to any of them. I know nothing’s safe, but the honesty’s becoming hard to take.”

Lily nodded and smiled a little bit. As right as everyone was about Severus, she still had hope that the lost little boy she’d been friends with years ago was still within him. She knew when people were trying to humour her; they’d been doing it for years during her friendship with him so she managed a bright smile for Lennox. “Thank you Lennox.” She said before shrugging. “I dunno why either but just know you never have to apologise to me. I know that you would never use that word and that you don’t believe in blood purity.”

Lennox nose laughed lightly before he smiled. “I may forget, but thank you for letting me know I never have to.” Honestly, he would always apologize for things others did. It was how he was.

“Oh that’s really disgusting.” Sirius said with a groan at that estimation Lennox told him and shook his head. “If I’m ever going to ‘mate’, then it’s sure as hell not with a family member, that’s for sure.” He was still shaking his head as he said that then shuddered a bit. “It’s a crap wish and a stupid thing to go to war over. If we only stick to pureblooded status, the entire wizarding community is going to be wiped out in a few short years.” 

Lennox nodded in agreement. He almost made a comment about it explaining things, in the area of Death Eaters, but he stopped himself. It really wasn’t a matter to laugh about. “They don’t know what they’re doing. I’m sure in their arrogance, they can’t imagine that they’ll die out if they keep this up, if they keep to being only purebloods.”

Lily listened to Lennox speak, her hopes for Severus dropping as he did. Of course he was right. They all had choices to make and as she’d told Severus fifth year, he’d made his and she’d made hers. “I just want to hope that some of these people we’re fighting against don’t really mean it. I just…” She paused before looking at him. “I guess I just want to hope that this war won’t end with a high body count.” She said softly before smiling. “You’re all the same you know? You don’t have to apologise for the sins of others Lennox.”

Lennox frowned a little, almost regretting his words. He recalled Lily having a friendship with Severus in their early years at Hogwarts. Back then everything had been simple, he remembered his early years in his school time. You were stuck with what your parents said before you went, but eventually your own decisions came out and they morphed into breaking friendships to keep others. “Some don’t, some only made their choices to survive, against their beliefs,” he said, hoping it would helps some, but he didn’t want to lie. Not facing the truth wasn’t going to make it any better. “I know.” He laughed a little humorlessly. “I’m not sure why I do it.”

“It’s hard to sit on, I applaud him for sleeping on it all night.” He tutted slightly. “He’s getting a room and he isn’t fighting me on it. Bloody stubborn git.” Sirius said with a shake of his head and listen to what Lennox was telling him and tilted his head slightly. “Do you still have a chance to speak with them and stuff? I mean, it was just teaching Muggle Studies wasn’t it?” Sirius had never known the whole story, not that he was expecting him to open up so quickly. 

“I have a feeling others will help you carry him into the room and make sure he sleeps there,” he said with a laugh. “I’ve heard it as a conversation topic often.” He shrugged, playing with the glass on the table in front of him a little as he thought about it. “All four of my grandparents disowned my parents years before I was born because of what they believed. I’ve never met any of them, nor do I believe they wish to meet me. My parents were considered bloodtraitors, then raised me to one, so I’ve never expected much. They could have long passed as much as I know. Sometimes I find it funny in the end.” He shook his head. Honestly, it was never something he thought too much on because he’d just accepted that the only family he’d had were his parents and that was it.

Lily nodded as she listened to Lennox speak. “I don’t understand either. Though honestly, it’s got to be fear that’s keeping them together innit? Not all of them can believe in the perfect world where muggleborns and muggles are eradicated or caged like animals… right?” She asked more out of hope that Severus was only a Death Eater because he was trying to protect her than because he believed what they believed. “You needn’t be sorry Lennox. It’s not as if you believe in those primitive ideals.”

Nodding, he thought about what she said a bit. “It would make sense. They’re quite possibly afraid of him and their friends or family that follow him. I reckon some could be just as afraid as us, but what makes us different is that we’ve decided we don’t agree and we won’t pretend we do.” All of them had a choice and if it came to them simply following the dark lord because they were afraid for their lives, it was just that, a choice. Only so many could be forced. Still, in the end, he couldn’t claim to know how everyone acts out of fear or if it’s what was best for them. “I know, but I will always be sorry I suppose, even if it in no is my fault.”

Lily smiled a little when Lennox said she’d make it. The prophesy could have been talking about anyone but she and Alice Longbottom were the only two people crazy enough to get pregnant in the middle of a war. She absentmindedly touched her stomach before looking at her old Professor. “I just wish we didn’t have to be at war. This is something that started before I even knew what I was and after years of defending who I am to people who just don’t care…” She trailed off before looking away from Lennox. “I’m just so scared all the time. I can’t lose anymore of my friends and family.”

One thing he couldn’t imagine was having to worry about raising a child right now, but Lily was brave. Alice Longbottom was brave. And this was all especially so after having heard what they did possibly about their children. “They don’t care and that’s the problem, isn’t it? They don’t care who they’re killing, what they’re ripping apart. They don’t care what they’re doing. All they want is their idea of a perfect world that is unattainable.” That’s what it was wasn’t it. After all of this, even if Voldemort won, it would be their end. A pureblooded society couldn’t survive. It never would. He jus wished in the end that he had better things to say, but he knew better than to promise that they’d all make it out because even if they did make it out with their lives, they wouldn’t be the same people. “I’m sorry everything had to be this way. Were I able to change any of it, I would.”

❝ Yeah, well, if it weren’t for you, I think things would have been a lot harder. Not many adults were being completely honest with me then, because they were afraid of stepping on my toes, but you were. I don’t think I’ve ever properly thanked you for that. ❞

“There’s nothing to thank me for. You deserved honesty. I could only imagine what you were going through at the time, even if my life had been filled with those politics.”

“Take apart all the walls probably.” He chuckled and ran a hand through his long hair, poured himself another glass but took his time with this one. “I’m sure we’re going to find some more interesting stuff hidden around here.” Sirius remembered the first time they all tried to tidy the place up and the amount of junk they found that spanned from years back was unbelievable, though, not surprising to Sirius and he had made a point in bunging a lot of it into the Black family vault in Gringotts.

“I imagine the walls could be lined,” he agreed with a nod and laughed a little. It was shocking the amount of things this place had at first thought. But since it had been in the family for generations and with how the Black family was, it was to be expected. “But perhaps new walls are needed too.” Some people did that too if it was old enough, but personally, the walls seemed to have good enough structure to him to not need that.

❝ Yeah, but if it weren’t for you, where would I be now, hm? Probably still alone, bleeding and crying in a Hogwarts hallway in the dead of night. So. ❞

“You were always strong. It wasn’t only the fact I spoke with you that picked you up off that floor. But I was always willing to help. I won’t lie about that.”

Lily couldn’t help the blush that spread across her face. “Thank you Prof-” She stopped herself. They were equals now and she should probably stop calling him Professor, no matter how strange it was to her. “Lennox. We appreciate any help you are willing to give us. I don’t forsee this ending happily for us.”

Lennox half-smiled at her. Honestly, he knew everyone was having a tough time adjusting to him being another member of the Order. It was sometimes difficult for him to imagine the same thing. Not that they weren’t more than students now. Actually, they’d all grown so much from that point, but it was so weird for him to remember sometimes that less than ten years ago they were just about ending their first year. He sighed a little before he shook his head. “I won’t lie and say that I see this ending perfectly, it’s a war. However, we have answers now, there’s still a chance. You’ll make it.”

“This place is Muggle-proof, even if one does get in, he isn’t going to remember why he’s here in the first place.” Sirius tutted. “I will take a look for anything to do with the protection charms on this place, see if I can either get rid of the Muggle protection one all together, or at least for a short period of time.” He was starting to mutter to himself now that he hadn’t even noticed that Lennox was speaking again until the last moment. 

“It may be something to think about, but if you can’t get one in here, we’ll all manage to figure it out or just make do with what’s here.” He glanced at what fixtures he could see. Maybe they could figure out a charm that could also work for strengthening the current wires. They just had to be getting old and a bit outdated if they weren’t already.

Lily was quiet for a moment before she nodded. “I guess so. They aren’t exactly fond of muggleborns or those who support and love us.” She said before smiling a little. “We’re glad to have you in the Order. Most of us are just out of school. We’ve got theory and classroom experience but we’re no where near ready for anything like this…”

Lennox half-smiled at her. “It’s unfortunate for them, really. They will never know the greatness and kindness I’ve come to know in you and other students.” He nodded in agreement. “That’s why I’m here. You’re gifted, all of you, but no one could have prepared any of you for this. None of you should have had to be prepared for this, but I’m here to help at any time.”