Iāve been on HRT for 2 months now. Itās important to me to document whatās going on and maybe at the same time, talk about where Iāve been. For the sake of brevity, Iāll include the things Iāve since learnt/pieced together over time.
cw/tw: medical trauma, intersex specific trauma, forced medical treatment, medical abuse, forced hrt, genital mention,
Tl;dr - I am intersex and was forced into HRT without my knowledge and Iām finally going back to who I was. At 26, Iām starting over with my body and itās wonderful and scary and beautiful and painful and everything at once.Ā Ā
When I was 18, my GP at the time did some blood work that included hormonal stuff. I have no idea why, I donāt remember complaining about anything, but he informed me that my results indicated that I had the āblood profile of someone with PCOSā. I very much didnāt know what that is, what that meant, or anything around this. Iāve since learnt this likely meant I had elevated testosterone in my results. I was then referred to a gynaecologist. Without discussing the weird and fucked up events surrounding the testing, the findings were never shared with me directly. The gynaecologist put me on a synthetic oestrogen to āfix my levelsā and naturally, I trusted this doctor. I was being told something was wrong with me that needed to be changed, despite feeling fine. I was happy to be on birth control so I very much did not look into anything with more depth, not that I could really. I wouldnāt have known where to start.Ā
The last 6 years of my life have honestly been some of the hardest on me physically. My health has been progressively getting worse and finding a stable place has been really hard. Iām not there yet, not even close, but Iām closer than I have been for the last 6 years now. I was diagnosed with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome a few years ago, along with Mast Cell Activation Syndrome. To summarise the relevant effects; EDS means I donāt produce as much collagen, causing thin skin and subluxations/dislocations in me, and MCAS means my mast cells, which control a whole lot of different reactions in the body, are hyperreactive. For me, that means I am hypersensitive to histamines/foods with histamines which causes allergies, inflammation, pain, throughout the body. Historically, this manifested in me mostly in my lungs for the most part but so many things have been added over time.Ā
Through all my time in online communities, Iāve learnt so much about my conditions. Iāve been utterly neglected since my diagnosis by the medical system so symptom management became my responsibility. Iāve learnt the ins and outs about the chemicals in my body, how different things feel, how it all interacts with me, and what I can be doing. I have learnt that oestrogen has an effect on your collagen. Whilst studies show that oestrogen can help collagen production, there is a significant amount of evidence that at elevated levels, subluxations/dislocations are more frequent. https://clinicaltrials.gov/ct2/show/NCT04055129
Fast forward to a few years ago, boom Iām trans and also in pain. So, 15th December 2022 I started HRT. I stopped the synthetic oestrogen immediately, started a progesterone only birth control, and began microdosing testosterone through testogel. The differences are truly mind blowing to me. Within a few days, my pain decreased significantly, my mind felt clearer like a veil had been lifted, my biologics (fortnightly injection for MCAS) work better, joints felt ātighterā. All I keep saying to myself is āI feel like I used toā. Iām back to who I was before being forced onto oestrogen. My subluxations/dislocations arenāt as frequent, though itās harder to get joints back into place. My mental health isā¦different to say the least. Iām not like, no longer depressed but itās changed from a confused and hazy depression to alert and aware. Trust me when I say for me, the latter is better. I no longer have painful orgasms, no longer have what felt like ātoo fastā orgasms that become painful spasms, I actually have my clitoris back which all but completely disappeared when I started the birth control back in the day. My skin everywhere just feels tighter, and whilst thereās barely any other visible changes (other than this tiny stache), I know those close to me can tell. Things are just a bit easier, just that little bit clearer. Iām not cured, Iām not able to get off meds or live my life very differently but to have this little bit of extra peace? It has literally saved my life.Ā
Where am I going with this? Not sure. Maybe something like, we know fuck all about hormones and people should be allowed to know about their own bodies a bit better than we currently do. I should have never gone through any of this. The last 8 years of this couldāve been avoided and there are things that I can't get back, nor repair. I am grieving and I am happy. I'm learning who I am again and itās thrilling and stressful and awful and beautiful.Ā
