leliefied

I’ve been living a single life for a week and a half. Life has not changed a single bit. But I’m grateful because I still survive. I survived even when I’m walking alone because I know God and the universe is on my side.

I’m thankful for my life though I feel lost quite a lot of time. I wish to have a better life and I’m working on it right now. With the guidance from God and the universe, I know I can rebuild the life I destroyed.

A career change at 25 years old might feel like a stupid thing to do. Am I crazy for this?

I decided to quit my current job and get a new one. Ones that I feel more excited about. Ones that bring me back to where I feel at home.

It’s scary. It’s nerve-wracking. But at the same time, it feels right. Everyone has their own journey, and mine starts at the age of 25. I applied to multiple companies; some didn’t contact me, some did. I don’t feel discouraged, and I don’t feel sad. I feel happy and lively. All my worries have suddenly disappeared.

These past few days, I’ve been paying attention to these two people at my workplace:

The girl who is so crazy about this boy and gives her all to him all the time, greets him every time they run to each other, etc.

The boy, who is well aware of how this girl is towards him, chose to keep it cool and give her just enough attention to keep her around.

So, this girl at work is mad at this boy for a reason that I don’t know of (and I don’t ask about), and this boy stays chill. He goes on with his day like usual because, deep down, he knows that no matter how mad the girl is, she will come back. He won’t lose her.

Boys hate receiving too much. Whether it be attention or affection.

It’s crazy, I know. But my boyfriend is the same. He hates it when I’m clingy, when I show too much affection, when I ask him too much about his day, etc.

We girls love it so much when a boy does that, and this might be the reason why we give so much.

because we love receiving so much, we thought they did too.

But we never live life as each other so what do we know?

Notes to all the boys out there: If you don’t like it, be nicer when you try to tell her how you feel about it.

I said yes to his request.

I’m learning to be okay with him wanting to have fun. I choose to believe in him because I want him to be able to relieve his stress.

I mean, I have always trusted him, and he has never ruined the trust I gave him. I definitely can trust him on this.

And it’s my fault anyway for wanting to take the job that made us go through all this LDR stuff.

It’s so unfair. Everything.

I’ve tried so hard to live my life well. I treat people well and live in a positive manner. But why does life still treat me so badly?

Is this how my three-year relationship is going to end? In nothing? Was all the trouble I went through not enough? Was I not worth a marriage?

I have never, in my recollection, forced a marriage on someone. I do talk about it sometimes, but I never rush. Yes, my goal is to get married in two years—considering I’m not getting any younger—but that doesn’t mean it has to happen the way I set it. I’d wait for as long as he wants; I just want to know that it will end in marriage.

Another thing is, why does he tell me he still wants to have fun now? Why not two years ago? Why not earlier, when I could still reconsider the relationship? It’s been three years—and a half, actually. In three years, I’ve poured so much love into him and tolerated a lot of things I wouldn’t do in a one-year relationship. I’ve been so sure about the person I’m with.

But all those things turn to dust in just a blink of an eye. It’s so unfair. It’s selfish. It’s stupid that I still consider saying I’m okay with all that. I feel like I wasted my time, energy, and love for nothing. I’ve been through a lot of pain for nothing.