leila

god the half of it (2020) is so good. the emphasis on finding meaning and emotion both in art and philosophy, but also the quiet and miraculous mundanity of food and connection. this being contrasted routinely by loneliness ("gravity is matter's response to loneliness" / "must be nice [not to believe in god]" "no, it's not. it's... lonely") because of queerness, race, and interests, juxtaposed again by those who can assimilate more successfully but at what cost vs those who cannot but also feel more subsequently limited. the respect and reverence it affords solitude and creativity while also celebrating different kinds of love: not only queerness, but queerness as a sociopolitical identity on disavowing amatanormativity and valuing friendship above all else. love being the effort you put into your relationships, the way it's never too late to find your people in unexpected places, the centring of understanding and being fully truly seen. the journey towards self actualization and beginnings because fear and hope are two halves of the same whole. the importance of finding your boldest stroke and following through. to be a boy running after a girl on a train not because he's in love with her, but because he Loves Her. "this is not a Love Story," but it is a story overflowing with love.

Cassie Howard — a certified yearner, but sadly, she was yearning for the wrong person. I'm sure Cassie had thoughts like "I want to be her, or be with her" about Maddie, during the period when she was trying to get N*te's attention by imitating her style. I just know she actually wanted that cookie. Wlw situationship or whatever they call it. a homoerotic friendship where one fixates on the other on a sexual level...