characters as onion headtitles
Amelia Bones-Rowle: You Want To See Some Goddamn Optimism?
Amycus Carrow: Why Must The Media Call My Ritual Killings 'Senseless'?
Andromeda Black: Mankind Tired Of Having To Remind Itself Of Good In World
Apolline Delacour: Antidepressant Medication Label Reminds Users That Pill Should Never Be Mixed With Long Look In Mirror
Benjy Fenwick: All Kidding Aside, Area Man Really Needs Counseling
Bennett Greyback: If Only I Listened to Virtually Anyone
Daisy Hookum: Somebody's Got To Save This Country From Certain Doom, And Let's Face It, That Person Is Me
Dorcas Meadowes: Universe Crueler, More Uncaring Place Than Previously Thought
Eileen Prince: Area Woman Not Listened To Again
Emma Vanity: Area Woman Offended For Fourth Time In One Day
Fabian Prewett: Fuck Everything, Nation Reports
Fenrir Greyback: Horrifying Society Of Grotesque Mutants Discovered Living Aboveground
Frank Longbottom: God Admits He Rarely Forgives
Lily Evans: Doctors’ Political Views Could Impact Patient Care
Marlene McKinnon: Woman Can't Wait To Get Home And Take Off Uncomfortable Persona
Mary Moody: Experts Advise Against Throwing Laptop Across Office Even Though It Will Feel Incredible
Minerva McGonagall: Cat Internally Debates Whether Or Not To Rip Head Off Smaller Creature It Just Met
Molly Prewett: Man Does Good Job Getting Drunk
Mundungus Fletcher: Report: 50% Of Heaven’s Population Just Assholes Who Begged For Forgiveness At Last Second
Narcissa Malfoy: Look At Them, The Fools—All Dancing To My Malevolent Tune
Roxanne Montegue: 27-Year-Old Lies About Every Single Aspect Of His LIfe To Keep Parents From Worrying
Severus Snape: Least Popular Guy At House Party Really Hitting It Off With Dog
Sirius Black: I Fucked My Way Into This Mess, And I'll Fuck My Way Out
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