Bleu's Corner

I'm new to the whole idea of being a leader. Yeah it's not hard to get into it and it definitely takes confidence, but to have an actual job as a manager is crazy for someone like me. I find myself too quiet in some situations and too afraid to ask others to do tasks in others. It's a frustrating thing really.

But man oh man have I learned alot these past couple of weeks. I am more confident in myself and I am actually starting to love this job.

I know that most of the stuff in my life has become menial and simply boring. But when I want to do something I usually sit down and do my best to accomplish it. That said it absolutely means the world to have someone on the other side of the country with no goal other than to spend time with you doing your meaningless task over the phone or in a conference call.

As a white Male I can safely say that I have it pretty good. I'm not starving, I'm not broke, I'm definitely not perfect, but life is relatively "Good"

That being said I'm alone. Or I feel alone. It's hard nowadays to convince myself that being single is the best option. I long for the ability to share experiences with someone else (past experiences aside I am sorry if I've hurt you in particular, I probably saw our ideals not ideal for each other)

To share is to be intimate, but I also fear because in today's society if something doesnt work out it devolves into hatred. I dont hate many people if any at all. It's hard for me to not forgive cause that's how I function.

But it still scares me that if I fall in love with someone that loves me back, they will eventually stop loving me due to my nature. I try my hardest to make amends with the people I care about.