in honour of the new Tumblr update i shall now post the entire Minion Movie script
Minions have been on this planet
But they all share the same goal.
To serve the most despicable master
Making their master happy was
the tribeās very reason for existence.
But thatās not to say that
they didnt have other passions.
therein lies the problem.
it wasnāt easy for these guys.
With the emergence of the stone age
came the rise of a new species.
The minions took an instant liking to Man
and helped him as best they could.
So trusting, so fragile, so, so delicious.
Their quest for a boss put the minions front and center
for some of the civilization most historic moments.
Ancient Egypt held great promise.
But it didnāt last long.
Their new master had a tendency
to party all night and sleep all day.
Oh, eventually the party is over.
one evil master to another.
to find their perfect fit.
One particular employer took
their failure very very badly.
The Minions had no other choice
when all hopes seem lost.
Years passed as the Minions
forged their own civilization.
But something just wasnāt right.
Without a master, they had no purpose.
If this continue any longer,
the Minions would perish.
for one Minion had a plan.
Heād been preparing for
Kevin would leave the cave,
go back to the outside world
and he would not return until he had found his
tribe the biggest baddest villain deserved.
But Kevin felt he was just not strong
enough for the dangerous journey ahead.
Luckily someone stepped up.
Truth be told. Stuart had no idea
Eventually, Bobās energy and enthusiasm
but mostly lack of other volunteers
The tribe said their farewells.
Kevin had given them something
they havenāt had in a long time.
Kevin felt pride. He was going
to be the one to save his tribe.
Stuart felt, hungry mostly.
He was going to be the one
Bob was frightened of the journey ahead.
Off, to find their new boss.
The store is now closing.
- Hey, what are you doing?
which of these 3 gentlemen,
youāll go on a date with?
They all sounded so cute.
I think Iām going to go withā¦
Youāre watching the top secret
Sponsored by Villain-Con.
For 89 years straight. The biggest
gathering of criminals anywhere.
And, for the first time anywhere,
- Hey. Girlās got to make a living.
- Thereās a new bad man in town.
Get to Villain-Con this weekend.
Only at 545 Points Avenue,
So much fun, itās a crime.
Oh, Walter look. These adorable little
freaks are heading to Orlando too.
- Whatās happening? Tina
we give these fellows a ride?
- All aboard the Nelson Express.
Youāre sitting next to me.
Glad we came along before
some weirdos picked you up.
Growing of aā¦ boy likeā¦
creatures need their strength.
Who needs to stretch their legs?
Okey dokey, on the road again.
Itās because I tripped the alarm.
We all make mistakes, sugar plum.
- Your fatherās right, Tina.
- He wasnt this good at being evil overnight.
Can I get personal for a second?
Why are you going to Orlando?
Come on, you can tell us,
Youāre going to Villain-Con, arenāt you?
Wow, so many bad guys in the car.
I knew you were villains.
Hope weāre not in rival gangs.
When we get to Orlando, Iām going to get
my favorite villains to sign my magazine.
Oh, Kevin! You donāt want to work for him.
He ate his last henchman.
- Can you breathe under water?
Look at her, Scarlet Overkill.
The coolest supervillain, like ever.
She started out as your average
little girl. Bracers, pig tails.
But, by the time she was 13,
She built a criminal empire.
thatās who I would work for.
- Here we are, a beautiful Orlando.
Welcome to the bait shop,
We are here for so much fun,
Well, this is it. I want to tell you
and I really I mean this.
Iām really appreciate what you did
back there with the cops. Really.
Dad! Itās Frankie Fishlips.
- I can smell him from here!
Good luck in there, boys.
- And here comes Villain-Con!
Thatās not evil, or a talent.
Iām sorry, but Iām not looking
Because I, Professor Flux,
worldās first Time machine,
Every time I visit the future,
I bring my future self back to help me.
Professor Flux from 2 weeks from now?
presents our keynote speaker.
The worldās first female supervillain.
Appearing right now in Hall 8.
Doesnāt it feel so good
When I started out, people said a woman could
never rob a bank as well as a man. Well.
Look at all those faces out there,
But we have one thing in common.
We were born with flippers.
We have big dreams, and we will
do anything to make them come true.
Have any of you ever dreamt of working
for the greatest supervillain of all time?
What if I were to tell you, that I
am looking for new henchmen!
I truly believe somewhere out there is a
villain with the potential to serve greatness.
- And it could be any of you.
Although letās not kid ourselves.
Truly the man for this job
are Kevin and his Minions.
Letās hear it for Kevin.
You see this tiny little trinket?
Well, just take it from my hand
itās almost too simple.
Oh, come on, donāt be afraid.
Just take the stone and get that job.
Didnāt my speech inspired anyone
All these villains, and yet
Iām Kevin. This is Stuart and Bob.
Behold, the last creatures
you expect to win the day.
Everyone, meet my new henchmen.
Itās me, Iām the āHā.
That works because I love you.
Could you come here please?
Inventor, super genius, fox.
Herb, these are the new recruits.
that cute little one is Bob.
Right on. You guys are crazy little and
way yellow, and I digged that.
We stole that because finally
someone expressed my love
of soup in painting form.
It is time to get down to business.
Their music, the fashion.
Iām seriously thinking about
Anyway. This pale drinking water
And I really really really
all your dreams come true.
Donāt get too close, boys.
When itās completed, it will
be my ultimate weapon. But.
Right now, itās leaking radiation.
Like you would not believe.
So youāre here for gear.
- Bob, Robert, Bobby my boy.
You get my far out stretch suit.
Kevin, Kevo, Seventh Kevin.
This baby shoots actual lava.
And finally, Stu, Stu-art,
I got you the coolest invention,
with 3 dashing evil sons.
No, no, donāt say anything,
Itās getting late, you had a big day.
Well, maybe Iāll settle them down
How does that sound, Bob?
Iāll go get some cookies and warm milk.
This is going to be so fun!
Oh, yes, Iāve got a really really
there were 3 little pigs.
One fateful day, the pigs
encountered a big bad wolf,
The wolf offered the 3 piggies and
all their friends a job working for her.
Everyone would be so happy.
All the 3 little piggies had to do
was just steal one little crown.
That the beautiful wolf had wanted ever since
she was a penniless little street cub.
But that crown would mean
And everybody loves the princess.
piggies to get that crown.
But the little piggies werenāt
They failed their mission.
So the wolf huffed and puffed
Good luck getting the crown
tomorrow, little piggies.
I know you wonāt disappoint me.
to enter without an adult.
How many tickets, please?
This is a restricted area!
queenās crown, did you?
to mock the elderly, do ya?
Iāve been up here for decades.
Just waiting for someone to try
and steal the queenās treasure.
The Queenās been kidnapped, Sgt.
One of Englandās most famous myths
As a new king has been crowned.
Has pulled the famed sword
Welcome to Buckingham Palace.
Whatās the matter, Your Majesty?
Whatever is bothering you,
You backstabbing little traitors!
Using Herbās inventions
I feel used not going to lie.
Every moment was planned.
And everyone whoever doubted me
and they would be crying.
I was going to be the picture
And you pinheads screwed it up!
You cannot just abdicate the throne.
And you definitely cannot just
give the job to this woman.
Bob King has official changed the law.
Clearing the way for Scarlet Overkill
to be crowned Queen of England,
She will be coronated at Londonās
historic Westminster Abbey.
If Iām wasnāt so polite,
I say this spells certain
But, Iām so very polite,
that I shall keep my mouth shut.
we are all in big trouble.
pill shaped miracle workers.
And you have stolen not just England,
You all get what you deserved.
weāre gonna have to break up.
So get comfortable, Minions.
Get real real comfortable.
Because this is where youāre going to spend
the rest of your worthless little lives.
Alright, letās do this.
Whoās this handsome Herb fellow?
Iām a-a dungeon master.
Prepared for torture, which I do.
Wow, harder than I thought.
Oh, welcome to hang town.
This is really unprofessional.
No laughing in the dungeon,
Eww, Iāve got a groovy idea.
Hello, the future King Herb Overkill.
prepare for the coronation.
And by the way, it was me,
I am hours away from becoming
- I will finally get my crown.
Itās all I ever wanted.
Iām going to be so happy.
Mrs. Overkill, the hair in the picture
Got the sweetheart neckline
because youāre my sweetheart.
The high colored and cinch waist reflect
a simpler more valentine.
The material is a blend of taffeta
and high density body armor.
Just one more thing to do.
Got to look good for the public.
A little tighter, sweetie.
Losing feeling in my legs.
Tight, tight tight tight.
Iām so so excited. This is perfect.
Oh, youāre just adorable.
- Edna! Youāre very good.
Thanks for doing this, Padre.
Come here, let me squeeze you.
Will you to your power cause Law
Do you Scarlet Overkillā¦
I proclaim thee, Scarlet Overkill,
- Scarlet, youāre okay.
Now, what about this one.
To get her teeth crowned.
Tell us another one, Lizzie.
Everyone, this is one of the little fellows
who stole the monarchy from me.
I saw what was going on, on the telly.
What was meant to be the coronation of
Scarlet Overkill has gone terribly wrong.
I know youāre out there.
You think youād gotten away,
well, what do we have here?
Which one shall I kill first?
if youāre not back here by dawn.
Ultimate weapon initiated.
Things do not look good for you.
And Iām keeping the bear.
Youāre not going to need it
Bye bye. Say bye bye, Bob.
Make yourself a bigger target?
I never want to see another one
of your goofy buttered faces ever again!
Oh, you got to be kidding me.
what Iām about to do to you!
- Got to get out of here.
to celebrate the Minions.
noble king for all of 8 hours.
for your Teddy Bear, Tim.
Iām so proud of you boys.
For you, I have this beautiful,
Weāre just messing with you.
Itās was Kevinās idea.
For your bravery and valor,
The nation and the world was
celebrating Kevin, Stuart, and Bob,
that last few thousand years
No question but things were
Kevin had never been more proud.
But something was missing.
They took everything from me.
Things looked bleak, baby,
Child, give me that back.
who you are messing with.
supervillain of all time.
Are you really going to allow that
little penguin to make off with my crown?
And that is how the Minions
