a letter to the past us: be happy; forget about all the outside problems and just be happy. tell each other everything; don’t leave a single thing out. hold each other’s hands; it’s a way of saying ‘i love you’ without having to actually say it. love with every fiber of your body; show the other person that you appreciate them and are grateful to have them in your life. there will be days when you won’t talk to one another, that’s okay. when you do talk again, tell the person what they missed, and that their absence was unbearable. when problems arise, talk about them; how you felt, how to solve them, and how you’re not going to leave. don’t take anything for granted; appreciate the times you have with each other to the fullest extent. this isn’t a movie, nor is it a tv show; this is reality and sometimes it’s going to be hard. on some days, you’ll think that the pain is intolerable, you’ll think that the damage is irreversible, but i promise, you guys will get through it because your love is stronger than either of you will ever understand. smile at one another; this shows that you enjoy the other’s presence. laugh at each other’s jokes, even if they’re not funny, and believe me, neither of you are comedians. sing at the top of your lungs; blast your music in the car and sing along with each other. never take each other for granted; just because you guys forgave each other doesn’t mean it’s okay to do it again. just love each other because that’s all you can do; love every flaw and every imperfection just as much as you love the great things about them. and when the time comes when love is just not enough anymore, let one another go. remember all the love and all the good times, but be selfless and let him/her find happiness; let yourself find happiness. you’ll still love each other, that won’t stop, ever, but it’ll be a different kind of love; just as strong, but for different reasons.

People scare me. One moment it’s “I love you” and “you make me happy” and the next it’s “I’m not sure anymore”

There are some people we cannot help but love, no matter how complicated or disastrous it may be for us. If we could choose not to love them we would, simply because they bring us nothing but heartache and despair… Yet for reasons beyond our control we cannot help but love them… and as painful and as complicated as the situation inevitably is, our love for them remains simple and pure. We don’t want to love them, we try not to love them… in fact there are times we’d almost love to hate them for the anguish they cause us – but still our hearts refuse to give up on them as a lost cause when our better judgement tells us differently. And ultimately relationships like that are indeed a test of love – but not in the way that we think. They’re not there to test the limits of what love can endure… they’re there to test if we love ourselves enough to walk away…

I’ve got some issues that nobody can see, and all of these emotions are pouring out of me.

You are, at once, both the quiet and the confusion of my heart.

I’m afraid of a lot of things, but mostly, most sincerely, I am afraid of being completely unraveled by you, and you finding nothing you want in here.

You’re never going to be 100% ready and it’s never going to be just the right time, but that’s the point, it means that every moment is also the right moment. If you want it, you just have to do it.

One day, many years from now when you realize what you’ve lost - you will search for me.  Perhaps you’ll email me but there’ll be no reply; or maybe you’ll call my number but it will have changed…. And when you give up trying to find me physically, you’ll search for me emotionally.  You’ll try to find someone else who will love you like I did or make you laugh as much as I used to … but you’ll soon realize there’s nobody else quite like me…  I was unique… I was the one for you - and you lost me.  And you will try so desperately to find traces of me in every soul you meet for the rest of your days ….but you will never ever find me.

my mom told me.. “a person who values you, wouldn’t ever put themselves in a position to lose you.” and that really hit deep.

May 2017 be the year you stop standing in the doorway, and actually find the courage to take steps across the threshold into the happiness you so rightfully deserve to exist in. to live in. all the time, not some of the time. all the time.

I exist as I am, that is enough.