!קײן עין־הרע

(  a  mix  of  horror,  humor,  and  happy  hauntings!  )

❛ you say beetlejuice three times. and i’ll say candyman five times. then we get them to fight. ❜

❛ that’s your face? oh, i thought it was a mask. ❜

❛ if you ever get scared, you can hold my hand. ❜

❛ how late do you think the blood bank stays open? ❜

❛ what slasher do you think you could take? in a fight, i mean. ❜

❛ and the walls will ooze green slime?! wait, they always do that. ❜

❛ holy shit, you should have seen the look on your face! ❜

❛ these pumpkins may be tiny, but they give so much serotonin. ❜

❛ on halloween we dress as skeletons. but in reality, skeletons dress as us. ❜

❛ do you believe in ghosts? ❜

❛ i think we’re being followed. ❜

❛ well, one of us is going to have to change. ❜

❛ don’t tell me you’re afraid of the dark. ❜

❛ we’re not alone. ❜

❛ i see dead people. ❜

❛ scream for me, my little banshee. ❜

❛ i said, look behind you. ❜

❛ do you think ghosts ask if they believe in humans? ❜

❛ i heard the houses here give out huge candy bars. ❜

❛ it’s like we’re too old to trick or treat and too young to die. ❜

❛ hey you need a… hand? ❜

❛ halloween is the perfect day to hide a body in plain sight. ❜

❛ it’s just a mask, don’t worry! ❜

❛ have you picked out a costume yet? ❜

❛ i can read your fortune. it says you’re a nerd. ❜

❛ get in loser, we’re going to spirit halloween. ❜

❛ did that ghost just spell ‘get out’ wrong? ❜

❛ if you can’t summon the flames directly from hell, store bought is fine. ❜

❛ if a zombie apocalypse started on halloween, it would take a while to realize. ❜

❛ you frightened me. do it again. ❜

❛ wanna see something scary? ❜

❛ i came here expecting a trick, but you’re a real treat. ❜

❛ i don’t think we should be here. ❜

❛ maybe i’ll summon a demon so i can hang out with someone. ❜

❛ what i want to be for halloween is loved. ❜

❛ what’s your favorite scary movie? ❜

❛ i’ve seen enough horror movies to know where this is going. ❜

❛ some people have swimming pools, other people have private cemeteries. ❜

❛ they really need to add bloopers at the end of horror movies. ❜

❛ you alright? you look like you’ve seen a ghost. ❜

❛ that’s fake blood, right? ❜

❛ i could have sworn we were just here. ❜

❛ do not say we should split up. ❜

❛ did the eyes in that painting just move? ❜

❛ i think it’s found us. ❜

❛ scared? i’m not scared. ❜

❛ you can’t help the dead. they’re beyond help. ❜

❛ whatever you do, don’t look behind you. ❜

❛ i think i’m getting pretty good at this pumpkin carving business. ❜

❛ the scariest thing about halloween is that rent is due the next day. ❜

❛ …and they were never heard from again. ❜

❛ i know this isn’t your area of expertise, but is this guy dead? ❜

❛ why does that grave have your name on it? ❜

your character probably shouldn’t have anything to do with kabbalah. and this isn’t a matter of ‘just research it and be respectful, if you read enough and you’re mindful you’ll be good to go’ - because you can’t research it respectfully. judaism is a closed culture, and while i’m all for the push to write jewish characters, simply throwing kabbalah in tells me that more research needs to be done. because you, as the writer, should probably not be accessing the zohar or other writings, since these are meant to be read after decades of torah study for proper context. and i don’t wanna get into age limitations on access to religious texts on the wide open internet because that’s a conversation for the jewish community, but to be clear i don’t want anyone coming onto this post with ‘there have been young kabbalists!’ because yes but that’s not anyone’s business outside of young jews talking to their rabbis about their formal religious studies. 

because kabbalah is religious. i haven’t read the texts because i’m not a middle aged torah scholar, but even a general understanding from living as a jewish person and having these conversations has taught me that kabbalah is a way of understanding g-d and performing mitzvot. it is not ‘witchcraft’, and if you want to classify it as ‘mysticism’, it’s absolutely not in any sort of h*rry p*tt*r sense of the word. if the people who actively study and practice it view it as ‘magic’, that’s their call to make. but kabbalah is not a book of jewish spells, and i’ve seen a lot of gentile witches appropriating it, believing it to be such, and that is flying awfully close to the blood libel sun. it reads to me as the ‘positive’ and faux-supportive version of, ‘jews have secret ancient magic that they do in their basements,’ with the end goal being appropriation instead of extermination. and it’s hard to talk about this without speaking for all jews, in the way it’s hard to talk about anything jewish online without becoming a mouthpiece that erases a rainbow of jewish experiences, but for goyim at least maybe the Secret Ancient Jewish Magic angle is not a good one. and it may scare a lot of atheists or people who think ‘abrahamic’ ( help! ) monotheism is Icky but those texts are… to bring you closer to… g-d. to live in a more g-dly way. and the blurry line between secular and sacred judaism is, again, not a conversation that gentiles need to be taking part in.

but since i have yet to see a middle aged jewish rper writing a deeply religiously jewish character - aka someone who would want to seek out kabbalah beyond doing it for the Secular Online Witchcraft Aesthetic of it all, which is especially not a good look if you’re a non-jew writing a jewish person - and have definitely not seen someone writing an actively practicing jew over forty - the age you technically need to be to study kabbalah - there’s really no excuse for incorporating it at all.

words 

❝ your highness, may i escort you to the throne room? ❞

❝ [title] [name], lord/lady [name] is here to see you. ❞

❝ whoever controls the king, controls the kingdom. ❞

❝ the enemy has breached the perimeter. i’ve sent troops to take care of it. ❞ 

❝ how heavy will that crown upon your head become when you learn what wearing it entails? ❞

❝ every scar will build my throne. ❞

❝ i don’t care if it hurts, i want to have control. ❞

❝ the king has been killed. we need to get you somewhere safe. ❞

❝ i am so much more than royal. ❞

❝ quick! there’s a secret passage this way. ❞ 

❝ i will find the queen’s killer or i will die trying. ❞

❝ the ball is quite nice. i haven’t danced in so long. ❞

❝ i am [name], [title] of [place], and i have come for my throne. ❞

❝ my dear, never give up a crown to anybody. ❞ 

❝ ruling requires that your hands be drenched in blood. ❞

❝ i hope to be a good [title] some day, which is why i’ll never put anything, any love, ahead of the love for my country. ❞

❝ is that it? our courtship is over? was i wrong to think it was going well? ❞

❝ our betrothal was not my idea, but that doesn’t mean i’m not willing to give this an honest try.  ❞

 ❝ i would not betray you. our marriage wasn’t just to unite our countries, you know. i’ve loved you since we were children, [name]. ❞

actions/scenarios  

[dance] ⇢ for our muses to dance at a ball

[strategy] ⇢ for our muses to talk strategy in the war room

[alliance] ⇢ to forge an alliance with my muse between our countries

[dine] ⇢ to have dinner with my muse in the banquet hall

[crown jewels] ⇢ to assess the crown jewels with my muse

[passage] ⇢ to be lead through the castle by my muse via secret passage

[gallery] ⇢ to admire a piece of art in the castle with my muse

[gardens] ⇢ to take a stroll through the gardens with my muse

[danger] ⇢ to flee from an attack on the castle with my muse and armed guards

[train] ⇢ to train for battle with my muse