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I can’t wait to get the hell out of here.  I wish every day that I went to a different school for a different major because of the people I have met at this school and the torturous major I signed myself up for.  FIVE YEARS.  FIVE ENTIRE YEARS, stuck in a room with 20-30 people all with raging anger and frustration at the department because of the accumulated stress.  yet some people take it further and play it in a high school fashion.  Honestly, I didn’t realize that “high school caste systems” existed until I went into this program and met my fellow asshole peers.  For example, 

Jerry makes it his opportunity to LAUGH at every student during his or her presentation.  Everytime a student speaks and their words do not follow suit to his idea of a spectacular project, the room is filled with his titters and pointing at the student, making sure that other people in the room are acting the exact same way (and they actually do, because they never want to be on the receiving end of his cruelty).  Even then, Jerry acts similarly when people just SPEAK IN CLASS.  REALLY THOUGH, WHO DOES THAT.  Only the biggest asshole in our studio.  

I found this cute little gem in my drafts.  There’s no better time to post this than right now.  

This is the story of the major I am in, the college I attend and the people who are mill about the studio in Marshall Hall each day.  This is the story of high school behavior and attitude spoken about and acted upon constantly between groups in my studio and people in my studio.  These are the facts in history of how studio representatives connect and disperse in every single moment of our studio time.  And I will use real first and full names because the people in our studio may never view this post.  Well, the relevant ones just in this story anyway. 

I am telling this story because between the intimate relationships and drama of each and every person who is important in the tale has come to an end.  These people are off to better and/or worse experiences in life and may or may not have this time to come back to nor their peers to come back to.  And while we may claim that these people will learn to grow up and hopefully get taught the lessons in life to never act this way again, I doubt that statement entirely.  Here they are, out of high school where they were taught to act and respond that way, in a college of new peers and with a new list of responsibilities.  Some of these studio representatives have not only come far or close to home but are all standing here in their last year, still acting presumably the same way they have acted their entire lives.  And while I might recognize that these certain folk could respond in this way under stress of their major or to their social standing, as I for one have acted irresponsibly on my stress alone (but never entirely against anyone else, or at least purposefully), there is no way to tell whether or not that this set of actions is actually part of their personality, something that will never leave their moral or way of life.  But while this should not appear as a shock to me, since there are always figures who act in this certain way, these last few months and especially last five years are ones in which I have at least spent a good lifetime, one with memorable moments and respectful enchanges, with these people.  So it comes to an ultimate surprise to me that this specifically has happened to me, when I did not expect it but am not painfully aware of anything that might happen, of anything that could happen, from this strange and unfortunate band of studio representatives.  

1.  FRESHMAN YEAR:  this year was our introductory year, one particular studio group in the entrance of fall 2010 of the landscape architecture department at SUNY - ESF, in Syracuse, New York USA.  We were an entry mix of 17 students, at least as far as I can remember, of awkward bonding and somewhat uncomfortable freshman orientation communication.  Our classes included a basic drawing studio that taught us, well drawing basics, and was offered to non landscape architecture students, which was essentially our farewell to the rest of our extended class of 2010 because we never saw them again since.  But I digress, the point is, our classes in freshman year didn’t seriously prepare us for our own special little hell in the next four years and a number of the first 16 other members in our studio are part of the hell that we all experience as a whole studio today, for every year in the next four years.  Two of those students were regularly cruel by of course laughing at everyone’s presentations and never acknowleding other members outside of their friend group, one of those in the friend group followed those two during the presentations by laughing and I actually glared (OMG LMFAO) at her until she stopped and looked away, and the last one is quite loyal but never gave two shits about laughing but now I broke her friend’s heart when I blocked him on facebook in the past couple of weeks so now she’s definitely pissed (she doesn’t acknowledge anything I do and just has this bad-smell look on her face when she sees me oh wow) but lol I am getting ahead of myself.  Right now, it just sounds like I am bitter and I want revenge which is the majority of the truth and reason why I’m writing this mad long tumblr post for all to see and enjoy but actually I need an outlet and only one other person in our studio cares about what I have to say (thank you girl) so this is helping me.  NO ONE HAS TO READ THIS but I just like this post to be out in the public and off my chest.  And I know I cannot be the ONLY person who has gone through this because obviously terrible high school attitude and behavior has gone back centuries but outlets definitely help and I need one to practice my writing anyway.  SO again I digress but that is really my freshman year.  AND the two who made me cry during my portfolio presentation review are in the original list of 17 students but also never really either acknowledged/gave an interested shit in making my life hell, and you know what?  That was perfectly fine with me.  

2.  SOPHOMORE YEAR:  So this was the year everyone started making each other lives’ hell because damn, we were stressed out of our mind and wow so many projects and deadlines and confusing assignments/advice on life, so what were we to do but take it out on every single person we know?  Family, friends, significant lovers, our studo peers, HELL ESPECIALLY our studio peers.  Because, you know, they were in pain just like us so they needed to feel more pain obviously, because what is pain to other people’s pain aside from just friendship?  At least that is what we read/heard about from other people who suffered such horrid experiences like studio.  Guess we should have listened, damn.  I even forgot my mom’s birthday that year because I had a studio assignment due that day or the day before or day after and I needed time to sleep.  Boy, did I get an earful from my mom that night.  So as a very important lesson if you are in college for a studio and are stressed out of your mind, DON’T FORGET YOUR MOM’S BIRTHDAY.  Because if wasn’t for her, you wouldn’t have made your way into this world.  That’s what I learned in sophomore year, honestly the only thing I learned though.  BUT anyway, I digress again, the number of people in our studio DOUBLED and before that we were dropping our old studio friends and making new studio friends while our old studio friends watched.  I mean, really?  That only happened to a few people and I was more than disappointed to watch that grow.  Also, here is where I start mentioning names.  Ariana, an once kind and respectful girl who moved into our studio that year, turned on a great person and made that person’s life hell.  Now, this person did do something disrespectful but it was only said out of the stress we painfully received in studio assignments OBVIOUSLY.  And in that obvious stress, Ariana responded back with the most powerful and insane amount of hatred and high school drama that I had EVER SEEN because my high school didn’t do that nonsense.  She actually, and I thought this only happened in movies but nope, got everyone she knew, everyone she could find to HATE this person by telling them the story of what had happened between her and this girl and I watched this girl fight back as much as she could with the great amount of strength and power I knew she had.  But Ariana really did make sure that this happened and I guess everyone who tried to keep their immediate friendship with Ariana to maybe, I don’t know, keep the peace or something, listened to her and some of them didn’t respond to the girl in the same way Ariana had but some of them ACTUALLY DID and that was what bothered me the most.  They took someone else’s opinions of a PERSON and made those opinions THEIR ACTUAL OWN.  We may all blame this on stress or whatever, but to keep a bond between someone and make that person’s opinions their own is the worst fucking thing anyone could do to someone and that is why I came to the conclusion that some of the people in my studio never left high school and/or their own sad lives.  Meanwhile, I was tried to become convinced about the story of this victim by one follower of Ariana, another new transfer named Michelle.  And while I became good friends with Michelle over the years, I noticed that she did the exact same thing as Ariana; tell stories about people and expect others to listen and gain the same perspective of those people.  Thus I was shocked, and slowly cut myself loose from her, hoping to never become the way she and Ariana and some other people in our studio were, and eventually we lost our friendship altogether.  Yes this is sad and maybe it was never worth it but I couldn’t bring myself to become the person she was and force myself to live that way with those types of morals.