âMy first and last image of Robert was that welcoming smile and everything else in between. And it was this symmetry, it was like a blessing, you know.â
âRobert was such a part of my consciousness, I was seeing him everywhere, I dreamed of him constantly. I actually saw him like a hologram sitting in a chair while I was folding laundry, thatâs how much he was around. I didnât know even what it was, I mean, itâs a form of grief but itâs also like I was haunted really. I couldnât get him out my sight line, I couldnât get him out of my mind. And in going to the sea, the sea is so vast and itâs pure and itâs bigger than us. The sea has seen it all and itâs philosophic but empathetic, and welcoming but you could drown in it or be cleansed by it.â
âAllow yourself all the different things that you feel in losing somebody. You do crazy things when you lose somebody, like all of the sudden you just leave the house and buy something expensive or do something out of character. Donât judge yourself. Let yourself be angry or let yourself not feel anything, donât feel guilty. Just allow all of your cells and all of your being to go through itâs process. I mean, I cried more for Fred years after he died, it was like I was in such shock losing him. And I had so much responsibility and I had two young children [âŚ] so a lot of the things that I felt were more intense years later. Thereâs no rules and there shouldnât be any rules. And thereâs all of these phrases like, âtime heals all woundsâ, it doesnât, donât look to be healed. You have a sacred wound, take care of it, donât let it get infected. But itâs not necessarily gonna heal, you just learn to live with it.â
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