If I could
I would abandon everything in a moment just to run to you.
I would abandon my whole world just for a minute of seeing you face in real time in real life.
I still debate on doing that. On showing up. I looked up the cost. It’s a lot.
A second job, but I can barely handle the one I have now.
So meds to help me be less tired, less weighted down by these invisible weights.
I want to be there tomorrow.
I’ve lost the feeling of control and it’s terrifying.
But I’m a fuck up. I know you wouldn’t be there waiting for me.
And really you shouldn’t be.





















