- ̗̀ loveshot ̖́-

“well, that’s how you made it out to be,” he said to him with a nod. gunnar went on though, so he listened. he never had a client like this, his poetry words could mean the opposite of what he thought but wasn’t poetry supposed to be for everyone’s interpretation? he snapped out of his thoughts to focus on him more. “well, gunnar,” he started “no one can make sense of this world, and people go crazy for trying to,” he said. “all you need to do, is make sense of your life and what direction you want to go in - what career, the friends you make, the relationships in your life - it doesn’t have to be so broad as to try and make sense of this world.” he wrote some things down “like you said, you can’t make sense between breakfast and dinner so why don’t you start with that, making sense of the time between those two meals,” he said with a nod. “who told you you were peculiar?” he asked now, hoping to get more information out of him. “okay,” he said to him “there’s nothing wrong with being a different type of person, you should know that.”

Gunnar canted his head to one side as he silently listened to his therapist’s words of wisdom. Obviously, he didn’t understand him, but he appreciated the fact that he was making an effort to do the work he was being paid for instead of instantly giving up on him. “I don’t know if I can bring myself to care about trivial matters like that. I’m an artist, I don’t work, I create. Besides, what would I need a career for, when I have too much money to even spend in this lifetime? As for friends and relationships, I feel like I explained myself well already. He who lives in solitude is either a beast or a god, Dr. Strictlan,” he explained, and crossed his legs as he took another drag from his vaping pen. “Who cares about time when the future is nothing but an interminable abyss of emptiness and absurdity?” The male sighed deeply, smoke spilling from his lips as he glanced outside the window, avoiding the other’s gaze. “My girlfriend did,” he finally answered, after long silence. She wasn’t exactly his girlfriend anymore, but that was a can of worms he’d rather open on a different day. “She didn’t actually say it in those words. No one had to tell him he was different. He already knew he was nothing but a misshapen jigsaw piece that could never fit into the puzzle that was her heart.” 

max made a face at his lie, rolling his eyes. who did this guy take him for? did he look stupid? no, he didn’t. he was just not a good person in general. at least from what he’s seen so far, from what he’s been around him so far and all the things he’s done. he crossed his arms, glaring at him ‘you’re a big fucking liar, i don’t see why it matters if i know your name, i don’t know your last name, does that help?“ he said shaking his head. this guy was unbelievable, what was he trying to do? to prove? "yes you are, you are like that. no matter if you say you don’t want to hurt anyone? you do, you’re a fucking bully,” he said sternly. “and i can’t stand homophobic bullies. if you don’t want to get into this kind of trouble? don’t kiss me, if you don’t want people to know? don’t let me suck you off and then you basically kick my ass for it. don’t be a fucking asshole!” he said shouting at him.

“i stole your phone, boo hoo,” he said shaking his head at him. “sorry, alright, i should have given it back but excuse me if i wanted to see you again because i liked you. liked. is the word,” he said. “you’re nothing but a closeted homophobic dick, and you really need to change yourself. you don’t have to be into guys, to be lgbt+ friendly,” he said. “you can easily, be a good guy, a supporter,” he said. “it doesn’t matter if whoever in your life isn’t. it’s you, that needs to be the man you want to be.” he was right and he knew it, he wasn’t going to let this guy toss him around because he was pissed off. “i don’t have anything to hide or that i’m ashamed of on my phone, so no,” he said “i would want it back though, which i full on understand,” he said.

“stop making excuses, i’ve been so easy to talk to. we’re talking right now and you could talk to me any time,” he said. “my name is Max, there, you know my name now,” he said to him. “if i was a girl, and a lesbian you’d talk to me, so whats the difference if i’m a man and gay…” he said softly. it was unfair. he sighed when he quoted the bible “jesus you’re ridiculous. you’ve had sex before, right?” he said “it also says sex before marriage is bad, you’ve done that. it says you can’t eat shellfish. i don’t know if you’ve done that. but it says a lot of bullshit everyone has done. so why is that line the biggest and worst of all?” he asked.

“so, your family is a shit family. who doesn’t have a shit family,” he said shaking his head. he was tired of this. “look, come with me back to my place, we’ll get your phone and you can be on your way alright?” he said. he was taken back when he was called cute. what? he watched him blush and he raised an eyebrow “thanks?” he said “you’re cute too, hot even..” he said to him. “if people don’t like to be with the same sex, they just don’t. it’s not just, curiosity – it’s want.. even if you don’t want to admit that to yourself. i know i’m quite enticing..” he smirked a bit. “yeah, let’s go, come on,” he said gesturing with his head to follow.

Dante fell completely silent as the other boy called him out on his bullshit, but his mind was racing, trying to come up with more excuses, anything he could use to defend himself or shut him up. Unfortunately, he was drawing a blank and it was written all over his face. A lawyer had to be able to think fast on their feet, a skill that clearly Dante lacked. Usually, this was the point where he a fit of rage would take over again, but even though a sense of panic was sinking in and the other started raising his voice at him, he managed to keep his emotions under control by reminding himself of the fact that his phone was still in Max’s possession. And even if it wasn’t... he didn’t actually want to hurt him. He wasn’t this homophobic bully the other was making him out to be, right? ...Right?

“You.. You stole from me because you liked me? That doesn’t make any sense,” he mumbled, almost inaudible, crossing his arms and avoiding the other’s eyes. It was unbelievable, a guy just admitted to him that he likes him, without any shame. Well, liked, thankfully. Dante would have been clueless on how to handle someone like that crushing on him. “I am the man I wanna be, and that’s not who you think I am,” he assured, though his voice lacked confidence. It was a lie, after all. The further he distanced himself from his family, his ex-fiance and his old friends, the more he started to realize that he had no idea who he was, or who he wanted to be. Dante was used to people deciding that for him, it had been that way ever since he could remember. His opinions, his thoughts and needs were deemed irrelevant by his parents, and even though he was older now, it still scared him to challenge his father on any of his views.

“I’m not trying to make excuses! I’m just trying to explain myself!” he raised his voice a bit, mostly out of frustration. It wasn’t easy for him to remain calm while trying to talk to Max, no matter how hard the other was insisting that it should be. Aside from a quick hook up every once in a while, Dante avoided gay guys like a plague, especially the confident and open ones like him. Being around them made him nervous in a way he couldn’t quite grasp or explain. “It is different to me. I don’t expect you to understand that, since you were obviously raised with different values...” Judging by his behavior, criminal and otherwise, Dante highly doubted Max was raised with any. “Um, what? That’s none of your business, whether or not I had sex!”  he frowned. Maybe he had a point, though. Homosexuality wasn’t his only sin, but considering all his father’s affairs, Dante wasn’t fearful of getting disowned for having lost his virginity.

Dante sheepishly followed the other boy, hoping he wouldn’t screw him over once again and maybe even lead him into some kind of ambush. “Do you.. Do you have a shit family?” he asked, somewhat reluctantly, after a moment of silence between the two males. Making casual conversation wasn’t easy, but it wasn’t as hard as handling another argument and being called a violent homophobe. Dante swallowed hard when Max told him he was hot, red heat flushing his cheeks. Wait, but didn’t he just say he didn’t like him anymore? Did this mean there was still attraction from his side? 

Finally, after mustering up enough courage, he turned his head toward the other, gazing deeply into his blue eyes. “Yea, you are...” It was true, he was enticing. Way too enticing, and it was messing with his head, otherwise he wouldn’t have agreed with him and said something stupid like that. This was something he definitely couldn’t afford in this situation, especially now that they had made plans to go to Max’s place. Vivid memories of his lips wrapped around his cock were taunting him, driving him mad, no matter how hard he tried to repress them and remind himself of how wrong they were. “Uh,” he started, trying to distract the other from the stupid thing he just said, “I... I mean, my car is parked nearby. I could drive us to wherever you live?”

“no, it’s not all on you - i’m sorry i got freaked out after the party.. after we fooled around,” he told him. “i was worried you thought everything was okay and- it is, i mean. not completely it’s not but it’s better, things are better,” he told him. he was getting tongue tied and it was annoying him a lot but he needed to keep himself in check. get what he wanted to say out there and hopefully brooks would understand what he wanted and not try and put the blame on damon. he liked to do that, so he looked better. “I know! i’m sorry i know fuck,” he groaned shaking his head. “i wasn’t ghosting you.. i got– scared – you know how much i want you and how hard it is for me to keep away - i just need to know you want to be in a relationship with me,” he told him. “i guess i won’t know unless you tell me,” he said. he reached and stroked his cheek a bit trying to calm him down. hopefully it would work.

“it is enough, you’ve been doing everything i wanted and i appreciate it, it means a lot that you would do all of this for me when i never thought you would,” he said to him. “of course i want you, you know i want you so don’t act like you think i don’t because i ignored you after we fucked,” he told him. “in that room, when we had that heartbreaking conversation i told you how much i wanted to be with you and you kept saying no, so don’t act like my minds suddenly changed when i’ve asked you to chase me and want me,” he said.

“yes a shark,” he told him, huffing a bit. why would he ask him to come? spend time together? maybe brooks needed to get away from. “i just, i just think you know we’re in this crucial time together right now and then you’re going to leave and meet a shit ton of hot guys in florida..”

he held his hand in his and watched him. he smiled a bit “thanks..” he said softly. he sighed and pulled his hand back now at that. “you want me to pay for your trip - but you won’t even ask me to come with you?” he asked “be together, build up our relationship together?” he asked him frowning. he moved and sat beside him now putting a hand on his leg, sliding it up towards his crotch, biting his lip “you’d leave me here all alone in the cold new york…” he knew brooks knew exactly what he was doing. 

It was hard to stay salty when Damon was being so sweet to him, saying all the right things and touching him ever so gently. How unfair, just when he had a legitimate reason to be annoyed with Damon for a change, instead of the other way around. His affection involuntarily made his lips curl up into a smile, but the boy remained stubborn and unwilling to say the words Damon wanted to hear. They were scaring him again, now that he no longer felt as secure as he once did. Damon had given him radio silence before, who’s to say he wasn’t going to do that again? Besides, actions speak louder than words, right? Even after all the drama, the arguments, the fighting, he was still there, and he was still trying to make up for his past mistakes. He definitely wouldn’t be doing that if he didn’t love Damon, or didn’t want to be with him. 

“Yup, I guess not,” he spoke softly, resting his head against the male’s shoulder. Brooks knew it was his own fault, which made it even worse. Damon didn’t trust him, because he had broken that trust before. It was going to take a lot of time to heal and move on from this, which was so rough on him, but he did understand why it had to be like that. The reminder of their previous conversation made his heart ache. He didn’t regret the things he said, part of him still felt like Damon could and should do much better. The only thing that changed was the fact that he realized he didn’t want to give him up, even if it was for the best. It was a selfish decision, like most of his decisions were.

“...Says the king of mixed signals. Just because you said you wanted me at one point, doesn’t mean you still feel that way about me,” he mumbled as he toyed with Damon’s fingers, though he realized quickly that this conversation was going to lead to another argument if he wasn’t careful. “Whatever, it’s old news, and it doesn’t matter anymore. The only way to know for certain if we’re both sincere is by giving this, giving us, another chance, right?” he asked apprehensively, looking up at the male with his brown doe eyes. 

“A shit ton of guys in Florida? Is that how you think of me?” A frown etched into his features as he repeated the accusation, though to be fair, he hadn’t given Damon much reason to think otherwise. “Seriously? You wanna tag along to Florida with two twenty year old brats, just to keep me on a leash? Are you-” he huffed, until he found himself distracted by the hand on his thigh, which was slowly moving up to his groin. “You’re so needy,” he growled, burying his face into the crook of Damon’s neck, but there was no heat behind his words. “Bribing me with sex now? I’ll have you know I have copyright on such evil tactics.” 

valerie listened to her friend go on about how people don’t speak to him. then when he shut his mouth she finally got the opportunity to speak. “they probably don’t speak to you because you don’t let them get a word in. jesus gun, why don’t  you stop your crying. i have a real issue going on here asides no one talking to you.” she said pushing her sunglasses on her head and rolling her eyes. “so you remember me telling you about all that bullshit with alf?” she asked him, “and how i just so happen to fuck his dad. STEP dad.” she corrected herself. “okay, well maybe i didn’t tell you but regardless it happened nd how about he broke up with me.. HE broke up with ME!” the red head said as if she was innocent in the whole shindig. “so why you are here bitching about how no one wants to be your friend.. your actual friend is having a crisis.. and we need to fix this.”

Having been friends with the spoiled rich girl since before they could speak, it took Gunnar no effort to tune out her excessive whining and moaning about trivial matters which didn’t involve him. Whatever crisis she had could wait until he had moved past his existential dread. The male sank back into his chair, his vaping pen dangling between his plump lips. “Love is the only thing that separates us humans from savage animals. A gift and a curse from mother nature herself,” he continued calmly, as if she didn’t just interrupt him with her shrill voice. “But what about me?” Gunnar glanced over at the female as he blew out a stream of smoke. “He who lives in solitude is either a beast or a god, Valeria.” 

The way he so delicately ran his thumb across her cheekbone was soothing in a way that Roxana almost forgot why she was even angry in the first place. Gunnar had always had that sort of effect on her. Just a simple touch and the world around her stopped just for him. She found herself pausing between words just to stare into his dark eyes, relieved that he was safe and back in her company.

“I understand that you were preoccupied with your writing, but disappearing on me under any circumstances is unacceptable. You should know better than to be so inconsiderate. Don’t do it ever again, alright?” She told him firmly, her eyes locked on his. Roxana knew that his excuse was a lie but she didn’t care at this point. All that mattered was that he’d returned seemingly safe and sound just in time to debunk any of the worry fueled fears that previously ran through her head. Ignoring his smug expression, she nodded in response to his question. “Of course I was.” She admitted quietly. “Besides, I can’t enjoy your suffering if I’m not there to witness it.”

Roxana couldn’t resist the urge to roll her eyes as he chuckled at her example. Trying to get to him was truly a struggle, but that was part of the charming complexity that drew her in. After all, there was nothing Roxana loved more than a challenge. “It’s not about approval Gunnar, this is about communication. But seeing as you wouldn’t care otherwise I suppose it won’t be much of a problem. Just try not to miss me too much when I run off without you.” She retorted, playfully patting his chest.

Her body automatically relaxed more as his hand ran down her back and traced along her spine. She found herself fixated by the perfectly carved features of his face, a hand sliding up to stroke his cheek as he spoke. A smile formed on her lips as he went on. Gunnar had a way with words that completely fascinated her. He always had a way of making even the simplest of things sound beautiful. “And that was tortured poet talk for ‘I missed you Roxana’.” 

Her words were met with silence as she demanded of him to never disappear on her again. A promise like that would be an empty one, hence why there was no response. His freedom to go and do whatever he wanted, without asking for permission, or giving anyone a heads up, was important to him, though he rarely left his house, or New York City, for a longer period of time, but the few times he did, he preferred being by himself. His need for solitude was one of the reason’s why their relationship was a struggle, because Roxana was into the social scene and loved spending time with her vapid friends. Gunnar didn’t fit into that world. Aesthetically yes, but intellectually, definitely not.

“While I was away on my writer’s retreat, I learned one thing, and that is that there’s no such thing as great suffering, or great regret, for that matter. Some day, everything will be forgotten. Even great love doesn’t stand a ghost of a chance.” he pointed out, breathing out a heavy sigh. Why did he feel the need to explain this to her? She wouldn’t understand, and yet he wanted her to know, almost as if he was excusing himself for something. “Suffering... gives us no special rights. I’ll have to find meaning elsewhere,” he added, avoiding her dark eyes.

Did he miss her? Admittedly, thoughts of her didn’t cross his mind in Switzerland. However, now that he was back, and the petite female was snuggled up against him, it did made him feel slightly less incomplete .It was like her presence was filling the hole in his chest, or at least one of them. His mind was still in a daze, though, that had to be why he was feeling this way. Roxana and him simply didn’t work, they had tried so many times, but it never did. And yet... there was something about her, something that drove him mad sometimes, in the best and worst way possible. Addictive, like poison, and he was hooked.

“He didn’t know what missing someone felt like, but if he only had a heart, he knew she would have heard it thumping against his rib cage in this moment,” he whispered as he moved up to close the gap between them, his lips nearly brushing against hers. God, the scent of her perfume made her even more alluring. He shouldn’t be doing this. He was already doing this. Large hands roamed down the curve of her back and came to rest on her buttocks. “Threateningly, like a ticking time bomb,” he breathed huskily. “Because she was the only one who could make him detonate.”

Milo sat across from him, notebook in hand. a new page for a new client. he listened to his words, interesting. did he speak this way all the time? or was just that his way of explaining himself? he wrote some things down before he spoke back to him. “now, when you say speaks. do you mean figuratively, or do you mean it literally?” he asked. “are you looking for someone to love? or someone to be your friend?” he asked.

“I mean that in every sense of the word.”  A frown etched into the young male’s features as his new therapist fired questions at him. “Is that what you got from that? That I’m looking for love? For friendship?” he questioned, but before the other male could respond, he continued his musing. “I’ve been looking for meaning, clarity, reason... I’m trying to make sense of this world, but I’m barely able to navigate the hellish vortex between breakfast and dinner, let alone the labyrinth of life,” he admitted with a heavy sigh. “Some people are created to love. I wasn’t created for love. She told me I was peculiar, and perhaps that’s the reason why she loved me. I feel I’ll disgust her one day for that very same reason.” 

denver wined and whined when dante told him they weren’t pals. “ouch, no need to me rude, i thought we were pals.. but i suppose i misread this newly found friendship wrong.” he said furrowing his brow. “no need to be rude, i understand, i get it..” he said shaking his head. “i don’t deserve any of it.. i only lied because i didnt want her to sit around and worry herself about me and my life.. “

“Right, well, something tells me you’re used to rejection, so I’m sure you’ll get over it,” Dante sneered, scrunching up his face in disgust at the other male. “How is that an excuse? I mean, you’re basically just making up lies to cover up another lie.” Which was basically the same thing Dante had been doing for most of his life, hence why it was so easy for him to point it out. And yes, that made him a huge hypocrite, but the other male didn’t have to know that. “There would be no need for lies, or for your sister to worry, if you didn’t give her something to be worried over. So, when you think about it, you do deserve all of it.” 

“i mean, we could hit tampa instead and go to busch gardens. i just want to hit an amusement park and the beach at the same time. i think it’d be cool, man.” landon nodded, “that makes two of us. we’ll figure it out though.” he was willing to help out any way he could but they both know it just came down to landon working more. “you got it, dude. i hope plan b includes getting a sugar daddy.” he joked, attempting to lighten the mood.

“I haven’t been in an amusement park in ages, so I’m down with that idea,” Brooks nodded with a smile. “Normally I’d just ask my mom, but shit is kinda tense right now. I’ll figure it out, though.” Brooks snorted when the other boy suggested he’d find himself a sugar daddy. “Yeaa, I wish, but I’m having no luck on Grindr lately,” he chuckled. “How about you? Still banging dudes on the DL, or is that no longer a thing anymore?”

“we spoke.” she corrected. “that or your ego.” the brunette chimed. “you need to realise you’re not above everyone else, then you might feel heard.”

“We didn’t speak,” he insisted, unwilling to back down. “We did many things, but speaking wasn’t one of them.” An exasperated sigh fell from the male’s lips. “No, that’s not it. God, I wish it was that simple,” he shook his head at her suggestion. “The thing is, I’m done searching for meaning and clarity in this hellish nightmare of a world. I’m just too tired, my dearest Manic Pixie Dream Girl,” Gunnar admitted, shutting his eyes for a moment. “Not from having talked so much, but at the mere thought of what I still have to say. However, I can’t help but wonder if it’s not my time just yet. Perhaps the human consciousness must raise before I speak my profound philosophy. So, in the meanwhile, maybe I should try to listen instead.”