Emma

A fear of coming to me.

Even when our eyes spoke the words our lips never could, you were too afraid to understand them. And so you ran from it. I was not the one who lost that day.

The truly unfortunate one was you.

One word would have been enough.

As if you’ve found yourself completely alone in the very heart of the abundance you once hoped life would bring.

You wanted to speak, but settled for simply staring at one single point.

You wanted to cry out for help, but gave up because you knew no one would hear you.

You wanted love.

A shoulder to lean on.

But then you realized that you had to become your own shoulder.

Because no one could ever hold your weight the way you do.

I wanted to love you freely, just once — to keep you in the gentlest corner of my heart without thinking about rules or ethics, and to live all my unrestrained feelings through you. You were my safe place, my one and only secret love…

All I ever wanted was for you to hold my hands freely, just once —

without fear, without judgment, without shame.

My time is running out now, and with every passing day, I find myself longing for the one before it.

And besides… weren’t we the ones who once held onto hope? Weren’t better days supposed to come?

Why, then, is my heart left in ruins, writhing beneath the pain of its own destruction?

And why are you not here — you, the harbor I sought refuge in whenever I wanted to escape from myself?

Why is it so unbearably difficult not to feel everything this deeply, this delicately?

I could have been good for you; I could have healed you. I could have seen you in ways you had never been seen before, loved you in ways you had never been loved before, and enchanted you in ways you had never been enchanted before.

That gray, miserable life of yours could have been painted with the colors born from my deepest wounds — colors that were painfully real, yet still full of hope.

I could have accepted you despite everything and given you the closest thing to heaven on earth.

Does your heart bleed too? As if your fragile hopes were being carved apart by the cruel blade of reality..