Vorfreude

Day 8

It was raining all weekend, I woke up with a runny nose, think i caught a cold. I basically did nothing all weekend except play a new MMO Where Winds Meet with Jorrel.

Yesterday it wasn't raining in the morning, but I didn't feel like getting up and doing anything. I felt like I was going back into my funk and it scared me. The spark I had felt earlier in the week was no where to be found. I don't want to go back to how I was.

I slept a full 12 hours last night instead of the normal 4-5 hours I've been getting. I woke up with my torso really sore, guess it was from the cold I caught. I popped half and addy and walked to banh mi che cali. Dropped off the food at home, and continue walking for another hour ish.

I missed my quiz and homework last week. scared I might let this class slip too.

Day 7

It's a rainy day, I woke up with the sniffles so I decided today was just a rest day. Where winds meer came out and played a little bit with jorrel. No one seems to like it but exploring the world and doing the quests and puzzles are fun.

Day 6

I woke up pretty early, played some lost ark and went for a morning walk

My body was definitely feeling sore. I ate some sweet potatoes and kimchi for breakfast. For lunch I made indomie with some chicken and fish cake. I napped for like 5 hours from 2-7pm. I was really tired. I originally wanted to do another hour of walking at night, but I think I should listen to my body and let it rest. I used my 20lb dumbbell today. Just did like 30 curls and some triceps.

It's almost been a week since I started and they say that it takes about 21 days to start or break a habit so only 2 more weeks! New raid comes out next week though so I hope to make sure I get my exercise in in the morning or after midnight before bed.

Think some people say that you should try to do the important/hard tasks earlier in the day so that you dont feel stressed/pressured as the day goes on. So ill try to wake up early and do that.

The initial burst of motivation and happiness I feel is about to wear off. Think these next few days will be really important to make sure I stick to it.

Day 5

Day 4

I watched "Move to heaven" a Kdrama about a boy with autism and his dad who works as trauma cleaners. They help clean and move the belongings of people who have passed away. They show how much you can learn about someone from their belongings. The boy in the show collects things that he finds and presents it to the deceased persons family/loved ones.

I spent about 10 minutes throwing away some clothes/things from my room's closet that was stuffed with everything. I found jump ropes that I bought years ago. I never even used it. I found watches that I used to cherish because they were gifted to me by friends. Now I don't even remember who gave me which.

I was craving a Tripa burrito so I ordered it from uber instead of eating things I have at home, but I didn't binge this time so that's a plus.

I wasn't really feeling like doing anything, but I got up and went for a walk. I found a taco truck near ABC supermarket around the block. I can walk to get tripa tacos/burritos now instead of ubering yay

I attempted to jump rope, but I think I need to find better shorts or something to hold my phone while I jump. I barely did like maybe 40 LOL But I continued to walk after. I walked for over 1.5 hours. Which is nice since I only did 20 minutes last time. the front of my calves were aching from the 20 minute walk though so I hope I'm not too sore.

I also attempted to do a plank and I did a solid like maybe 4 seconds :dead:

I started to think and hope about playing volleyball again. I miss volleyball so much. Let's try to see if I can apply to a volleyball class next semester at gwc or occ. I wonder if there are any groups I can join for oc volleyball open gyms. It would be nice to find a friend to workout or play volleyball with.

I thought about Jacob and sent him some messages on facebook. He read it but hasn't replied yet.

I thought about Joy. I wonder if I should send her a message.

I thought about Christine. I wonder when I'll message her.

Lox says hes visiting again next June, I hope to be in a good enough place to go and get dinner with them and all my online gaming friends since I wasn't' able to this year.

Things I also want to do: hike, surf, snowboard, and maybe even go to a rave again next year.

Day 2&3

Yesterday was a pretty bad day. I binged.

I watched "Always home" and "Good Boy".

Today's a new day though. Don't let this bring you down. There will be good days and bad days.

Edit:

I just got back from a 20 minute walk. My earbuds died. ordering wired earbuds for tmm since this cheap wireless one sucks. I showered today. I omitted that earlier because I guess I was embarrassed or ashamed, but this journal is for myself. I don't need to lie or sugarcoat this. Things are going to be bad and messy and that's okay. You're allowed to be all those things. It doesn't necessarily define who you are.

Day 1

I woke up at 2pm today. I just finished watching Khemjira last night. Really enjoyable Thai bl. I have a dinner date with Mai, Tan, and Erik tonight. We're getting some pho. I'm pretty anxious and nervous. I haven't really talked to them in years. I'm doing a load of laundry, waiting for it to finish to shower. I have some homework I need to do after this.

I'm grateful I'm still alive. I can still walk and move. I might have wasted the last 4 years of my life, but it's not too late. I'm done letting my shame and embarrassment stop me from living my life again.

Some goals I have for my current self. Skin care, brushing teeth and showering daily. Start going on walks again so I can start jogging again. Get back into playing pickleball with friends. Keep updating this journal so I can write my thoughts down and put into words the things I hope for so I can constantly remind myself of the things that are worth living for.

I'm excited for the new raid coming out in lost ark. It's been almost 4 years of playing this game and I've been waiting for a hard raid to come out since Thaemine. I really hope the pugging experience with Tru will be as fun as it was during Thaemine.

Work was long tiring and stressful. I really wanted to come home and drink with my housemates, but they aren't even home.

I think this is the first time I'm drinking alcohol by myself??? Had a couple shots of vodka to wind down because I think I'm going to do keto for a month.