Terraforming Is My Life

She hadn’t really cried about it. Not in front of anyone. There had been a few times, curled up in the floor of her shower until the water grew cold and a chill had sunk past her skin and into her bones. It was a while until the tears began to dry up this time as well, and with the drying of her tears came the soft sniffles and coughs to clear her throat. She pulled back just a little so she could breathe, and lifted one hand to try and wipe away the evidence of her tears.

She thought about the idea for a moment, so far the relationship between her and Liara had been pretty well balanced, but Sam was actually pretty sure that in the end she would do anything Liara asked of her. “I might consider it. I would probably try it and see how it feels and how it changed the dynamic between us.”

Actually it sent a wave of heat through her body and she felt herself blush too and laughed lightly. ”I guess we will talk about it soon, because I’m not sure if I can get the thought out of my head now.”

“I know right? It’s a really addictive thought!” She let her mind wander to it again for a moment and then sighed softly, shaking her head.

“Shhh, I know. I know. It’s not your fault. None of it is. He was a sick, manipulative, power hungry, megalomaniac bastard. You can’t feel guilty for what he did and you don’t need to feel bad for having your own nightmares when other people suffered and died.” She licked her lips nervously. This was a lot harder than she imagined, but now that they started it was probably best to get it all out. Maybe they could finally start to heal again if everything was out in the open.

“He … he just looked, right? He didn’t …”

Memories long buried started to come back to her, unwanted and certainly painful. Oh yes, Miranda knew all too well what their father was capable off and there wasn’t much fatherly about it. She had suffered through it for years, searching for the strength to leave. And then he made Oriana and she found her reason. She would not let the same happen to her. She would safe her and if it was the last thing she ever did. It was what had driven her since then and it was what gave her strength now. She needed to know if it was all for nothing or if Oriana made it out relatively unharmed. She needed to hear it.

She sighed in relief when Oriana told her it had just been a check-up. And it reminded her that she should maybe get one herself. Also she had no idea really if there were any health risks concerning her relationship with Liara, though she assumed Liara would have told her. But assuming was never a good thing. And after all it could be something Liara wasn’t even aware of herself, and then there was the baby they had to think of.

“Uhh, yes. I should probably get checked out myself. Not that I was really active since my last health check, but there could be something I’m not aware of that would be a risk for Liara. I mean she’s better now, but her immune system could still be weak. What do you know about the Asari immune system?”

“If she kills you I’ll kick her ass. Biotics or not,” she grinned. “She will not kill you. I mean I really don’t know her, but she loves you, right. You’re her only family and possibly the only important person in her life. Maybe she’ll give you a beating … Oh wait, that wouldn’t be a punishment, would it?” She waggled her eyebrows. “But yes, she will find out. You have to tell her sooner or later. Secrets don’t stay hidden for long around here.”

Sam’s question made her tilt her head as she considered it. There wasn’t really anything she could think of that would be helpful to her friend. Amaya had never gotten sick, not seriously, that she could remember. And the only anatomy lessons she shared voluntarily had been for the express purpose of embarrassing her.

“I don’t know much. I know that STIs won’t transfer between humans and asari. About the worst that can happen is… she called it a melding sickness? Sometimes, if the meld isn’t ended properly, both partners can get nausea and headaches. That’s about all she told me. She only liked to tell me stuff about sex and melding mostly.”

She noticed the younger girl scratching at her arm and pulled the data pad over to take a look at the readings from the wound on the arm. It was older and almost completely healed; it shouldn’t itch like it did.

“Don’t scratch at that; it will get infected. Where did you get that? It’s not from Jack.” It was a statement not a question; the wound was older than all the other marks Jack had left on the other girl’s body and it didn’t look like all the other marks too.

She took the younger girl’s arm to take a closer look. It looked like a claw mark, like from a dog or a varren maybe.

“Oh it’s just a scratch. I was poking around in one of the buildings outside camp.” She shrugged. “I caught my arm on a piece of metal. I was up to date on my vaccines though, so I figured nothing would come of it.” Suddenly the urge to scratch it got worse, as it did with anything that itched and was suddenly inaccessible for whatever reason.

A sharp gasp escaped her as she felt Jack’s teeth sink aggressively into her neck. Her hands grasped roughly at Jack, scratching and digging in with her nails. She tensed and then relaxed, pressing her ass back against Jack’s hands as the woman made her interest completely obvious. A soft whimper escaped her at the charged words Jack used, and finger slid ever closer to its target.

“I know it’s not easy with the food that is available, but at least try not to follow Jack’s example and eat that junk food crap all the time. Also maybe drink some milk every few days and if you can’t get fruit drink lots of juice. And stay away from alcohol for the most part. A glass of wine, especially red wine, with dinner is okay but don’t get drunk every other day like the lot of marines tend to. Also if you work your biotics more now be mindful that you eat and drink plenty or the headaches will get worse. Otherwise you’re healthy as a horse and I have no worries.”

Karin really liked the younger Lawson and she was mindful to stay as professional as possible with her. Everyone deserved happiness in these difficult times and if these two made each other happy Karin would do everything in her power to help them.

She had to be pretty careful of course. Oriana had no idea about her own and Jack’s relationship. So the situation was somehow similar even if Oriana had no idea yet.  Karin just hoped the younger girl wouldn’t hold it against her when she eventually found out.

“You can come and see me whenever should you have any questions or concerns and need advice from the wise old woman, medical or otherwise. Don’t hesitate; you’re family now just like your sister.”

“I think I can handle that. I know anything fresh is hard to get, but I know a couple Marines on food scouting routes. I can ask them to let me know when new stuff comes in.” She scratched at her arm a little more, but smiled sweetly at Chakwas.

“Well, you can’t really compare that. For one I was just a shag, Jack didn’t need to worry about any real consequences for our relationship and then I wasn’t a virgin anymore and knew where my boundaries are.

“But you like it, yeah? I mean it just isn’t for everyone the whole pain thing. You don’t have to do anything you don’t like even if Jack likes it, you know that right?”

Sam was pretty sure that Jack had still gone easy on her and probably liked it a lot rougher than Sam had been with her and vice versa. In the end she doubted that Jack and her would ever have been a good match, they were definitely better of as friends. And she really hoped Jack wouldn’t push Oriana someplace the younger girl wasn’t willing or ready to go. Although so far the younger girl rather seemed to enjoy it.

“Why have you been to the medical tent? Is something wrong? You’re not sick are you?” The idea of her friend being sick or hurt, beyond what she liked, worried her but the thought of Miranda finding out about Jack worried her even more.

“Ugh, I don’t think I want to be in the camp, no on the planet, when she finds out,” she blurted out, regretting her words instantly. She should calm Ori down and not frighten her more just because she didn’t exactly think highly of her sister.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. Let me say something more helpful for a change, okay? Well, how about you choose a time to tell her when she has some time to cool off and think it through before she can do anything rash about it? Like when she is away on a trip or when Jack is away for a bit.”

“Oh no,” she shook her head quickly. “No. I just haven’t had a check-up in like… 2 years. Plus now, you know… sexually active. It was time for a check-up. Her hand fell to the small cut on her arm, almost completely healed. It itched a little, at times, but for the most part she had forgotten it was there.

She simply smiled, swirling the whine in her glass and waited for her sister to finish the cake. Seeing her sister like this was one of the good things in her life and she wanted to enjoy every second of it.

Only when Oriana had finished the cake did she put down her glass again. Reaching over the make shift table she took Oriana’s hand in hers and looked at her seriously.

She squeezed Miranda’s hand back and sighed, staring down at the table top.

With a very small pause, she leaned in to quietly whisper into Oriana’s ear, “..Yeah.. yeah, you got me.” She smirked and kissed the younger girl just a bit more, a quiet purr escaping her as she pulled her closer.

“Okay, you can sit back up. Everything looks perfect despite some light deficiencies regarding vitamins and iron levels in your blood. I’ve seen that a lot lately. You need to eat regularly and lots of fruit. Fresh fruit. There’s an old proverb on Earth. ‘An apple a day keeps the doctor away.’ Come back in two weeks, if your levels aren’t up by then I’ll have to give you some supplements, but I would like you to try balance your diet more.

“Don’t strain yourself too much with your biotics. You need to ease into it. Use your biotics every day for a little and don’t overexert yourself once every week or so. Moderation is the magic word, and then the headaches and the dizziness will go away. And if Miranda or Jack pushes you too much at once send them to see me. I’ll give them some piece of my mind about it. They should know better.”

She pulled her chair over and sat down in front of the young girl.

“Now some personal advice. I know you’re not ashamed of Jack, but if you were I’d tell you to break it off now, before things get even more complicated.

“As for your sister; she knows probably better than anyone else what Jack went through. Plus: Jack and Miranda are not that different. That’s why Miranda is worried and why she wouldn’t like Jack as your partner. It is not my place to tell you any details and I know your relationship with Miranda is pretty new too, but I’m certain that it would be better if she learned the truth from you than anyone else. She will rage for a bit but in the end your happiness is what is most important to her and when Jack makes you happy she will accept her eventually.”

“Right. I think I overdid it a little during… everything. I used to get horrible headaches, but they are mostly better now. I’m going to ask Miranda to start working out with me again so I can build up my tolerance.” And then Chakwas started talking about Jack, and she felt her heart flutter dangerously in her chest.

“Speaking of satisfaction,” she grinned at Oriana looking at her suggestively. “Now that your curiosity is satisfied, or is there still something you wanted to know, how about you tell me about you and Jack for a change? I don’t see any bite marks in visible places … Did Jack manage to censor herself?”

“Jack was… trust me, I have some marks.” She blushed faintly. “Deep enough that the medical scans picked them up.” For some reason, she was oddly proud of that. “I don’t know… I compare my marks with yours and I think she must have but my god… we did some things.” Her blush turned dark and genuine. “Things I had certainly never thought about.”

“So she wanted that list and you didn’t want her to have it but you gave it to her anyway? And now you’re friends with her?”

Another sip of whine. “Do you …,” she cleared her throat somewhat awkwardly. What was the right thing to do now? What did the sister-code dictate in this case? She felt like Oriana needed to talk about Horizon and knew she didn’t want to. Miranda preferred to work through such matters on her own; she had learned the hard way not to trust others and had been alone most of her life, without someone she could entrust with such things. But Oriana was different and most importantly Miranda didn’t want her to become like her. Oriana should feel safe enough to trust her and talk to her.

“Do you maybe want to talk about it?” she finally asked before the silence between them could become too heavy. “You can talk to me about anything, you know that, don’t you?”

Remembering she had desert hidden away for Oriana she got up and fetched the little box from a crate where she had hidden it earlier.

“Here,” she placed it in front of her sister and lifted the top to reveal two pieces of strawberry cake. “I hope you like it.”

Sitting back down she grinned at her sister. “I might have another surprise for you.”

“I… I don’t know. Sam keeps saying I need to talk to someone.” She dropped her hand into her lap and stared down at her plate listlessly. “I’m still having nightmares. And I just…” Oriana sucked in a breath, not realizing just how shaky her breathing had become. “I don’t want to bother anyone. You have enough to do without worrying about me.”

She looked up when Miranda suddenly stood up, watching her curiously. For a second she felt a surge of panic, wondering if her sudden admission was provoking Miranda to leave. It had never happened before, but there was a first time for everything. But then Miranda returned, and placed the small box in front of her. When she pulled it open, Oriana squealed with sudden excitement and her eyes widened.

“Strawberry cake!” Oriana lifted her eyes up to Miranda, a bright grin and all the problems of the moment before forgotten. “That is literally my favorite cake.” Without hesitation, she reached into the box and pulled out one of the pieces of cake. It barely made it to the table before she had a fork in it and she was taking the first bite. In reality, it wasn’t the best strawberry cake, but it so completely tasted like it was.

The biotic’s piercing hazel eyes met Oriana’s as she wrinkled her nose just a bit, “You’re mine.. I don’t want you fucking anyone else, at least without not asking me for permission first. Understood?”

“I understand,” she whispered softly and opened her eyes slowly, smiling warmly at Jack. As Jack shifted, so did she, following the woman’s tugs and pushes until she was straddling her. Her hands found Jack’s shoulders and she grinned at her.

Oriana’s giggling was infectious and she felt her mood lighten further. This had been a great idea; she really should talk to the younger girl more often. Everything seemed so much easier when she was talking to her.

“Yes, she’s doing better. She’s eating properly, because we mostly eat together now at least twice a day and she always munches on some stuff during the day. Fruit and vegetables mostly. We’re still working on the right amount of …” Sam broke mid-sentence, cursing inwardly. She would need to be a bit more careful with what she was saying, but at least she managed to keep her face straight. “uhm everything actually with Doctor Chakwas. And she sleeps regularly now. She probably sleeps too much for an Asari because she likes to lie down with me, but given her poor condition I think that’s actually a good thing. Well and a little physical exercise never hurt anyone.”

Sam was grinning wide now, waggling her eyebrows suggestively at Oriana, trying to make her forget her almost slip up.

“Well I’m glad you are having fun with it.” She winked back at Sam, a teasing smirk on her lips.

“Let her worry. At least if she’s worrying about you she’s worrying about something she can do something about.” Oriana paused and narrowed her eyes for a moment. “That may be the most convoluted sentence I’ve ever uttered.” She shook her head to dismiss the thought and then sighed. “At least if she’s worried about you, she’s not obsessing about work, right? And if she’s worried about you, not only can she do something constructive about it, but so can you. Right?”

“I understand. Jack and Miranda have history; the files on Jack only cover parts of that by the way. It’s a miracle they didn’t kill each other when we went after the Collectors; I think Shepard prevented blood shed by interfering just in time. Their relationship surely improved over time but I can see Miranda throwing a fit about this. Give it some time, talk to Jack. And I mean talk, with your clothes on. But I wouldn’t wait too long because … well you know how rumors go around in this camp. For example I heard the rumor that you’re shagging the Specialist only yesterday.”

She waited for the young girl to lie down again before she started the next scan.

“We’ll see about that in a few moments. I won’t say it’s okay that you forgot, because it’s not; but it is understandable. I won’t lecture you about it. I’m sure you actually know it all, because you are a smart kid. Sex can be a wonderful and intimate experience, but you can’t forget about the risks.”

She waited for the scan to finish and smiled reassuringly at the young girl.

“Well, you’re lucky, you’re still clean. You need to have a conversation about this with Jack too.”

It had never been necessary, or had it occurred to Karin, to check for STDs when Jack was in for an examination or to be patched up. And now she actually didn’t want to do that scan; but she would probably have to anyway. Jack wouldn’t trust another doctor; not unless she was close to dying anyway.

“And just for the record, you’re not pregnant either.”

She added the necessary data into the datapad and prepared the next scan.

“Yeah… It’s just… I don’t know, it’s harder than I thought it would be.” She took in a deep breath and let it out in a long sigh. “I don’t want her to think I’m hiding it, you know? I don’t want her to think I’m ashamed to be with her, but I am really not ready for Miranda to know about this.”

Oriana chewed on her lip. The reality was, no matter how much time she gave it, Miranda would be pissed. But she had only just started getting to know her sister, and she wanted just a little bit more good time with her before she possibly damaged their relationship forever.