𝔹𝕒𝕟𝕒𝕟𝕒𝕄𝕚𝕝𝕜

We do everything together, we laugh and cry, watch movies and we even have pizza dates. I love every aspect of our LDR but there’s just one thing that’s bothering me more and more each day.

I feel like we repeat our days over and over. It’s kinda becoming a routine that we wake up together, drink coffee, I either go to work or we stay at home and then we watch something. We even have deep conversations occasionally, which I love. But I can’t help but feel guilty. Guilty about the fact that this is all we can do... because the distance is keeping us from doing anything else. We can’t go for a nice walk through the city, or watch the sunset and stay out late. We can’t hold each other or kiss each other slowly.. 

I know we will have it soon, but the feeling of not being able to right now is eating me up. It’s a painful wait.. 

What I want to say is.. I’m sorry. I’m sorry to keep you waiting, I’m sorry for being boring, I’m sorry for doing my own thing when we should be spending time together. I’m sorry for everything.

And when that time comes...

I know I'll have you right by my side.

Do you know that feeling you get when you get flashbacks of your childhood? The nostalgia that flashes through your body.. the feeling of happiness that overwhelms you to the point that you're at the verge of crying, because you realise that that little, happy and carefree girl you once were, completely changed.

The reality struck.. I started seeing things from a different angle.. life from a different perspective.. Things started to happen around me and I began to see through the masks of different people.. that happy, amazing world I once knew, seemed to have been an illusion, a fraction of a fantasy that would play in my head.

All of a sudden, friends and family started to fade away, connections lost. People started to turn against me for some reason and all I could think about was why everyone was distancing from me. Did I do something? Should I change? How will I fit in?

I'm 24 now and I'm not proud of some decisions I've made in my life. It got me to be who I am today and while I grew stronger and stronger through all the hard times I've faced, I can't help but feel disappointed in myself with every passing day. The feeling of guilt stuck by me in the past 14 years. Guilt of pulling the family apart, knowing it wasn't me. Guilt of pushing away those who stood by my side every day, because I wanted to be alone and didn't feel like talking. I've always felt lonely and even though I have people around me who support me and make me very happy, it doesn't always last..

I feel stupid for not being able to talk about some things. I guess you could say I'm scared. Afraid people will judge me. I want to tell my story, get things off my chest. But there's always something stopping me from doing what I feel is best. It drives me insane to the point that I start crying sometimes, because my mind is yelling at me, overwhelming me with (negative) thoughts.

I know I deserve to be happy, I know I am enough and I know that I am not alone. I have an amazing, loving girlfriend, whom I can always talk to. She's the only one I can fully trust in this toxic world. Who loves and supports me for who I am, without feeling the need to change myself.

I wish my dad would give me the same amount of love and care. Is it normal for your own family to act like you don't matter? Like your feelings are irrelevant? Is it normal for them to laugh in your face, whenever you cry? Is it normal for them to tell you you're being dramatic and that you're too young to feel like this, when you finally dare to open up about your mental health? I don't think so...

Sometimes I think about running away, finding my own place, travel and find paradise. But I know this isn't realistic. All I want is freedom.

When will I be free?

Today, I woke up early for my internship, I felt good and happy. Especially because I wake up to a beautiful face every morning. The day went by smoothly, just a normal day going by, everything went well, I had some laughs..

Then I got home. My dad and my brother were both laughing and joking around, whilst finishing dinner. So I smiled and said "hi". No answer.. serious faces.. no eye contact.. At first I just shrugged and thought to myself "this is nothing new.. I'm used to this behaviour"..

I changed into more comfortable clothes, went downstairs to make some coffee and then my dad talks to me..

"Now we're gonna fight"

I looked at him strangely, confused, thinking he was gonna make a lame joke (as he often does).

I don't answer him and continue making my coffee. I'm looking at a package I received today. I was excited about it all day, I couldn't wait to open it. (I ordered a purple PS4 controller, my favorite color). The moment that thought was on my mind, my dad started talking again.

"You're returning that package".

I immediately asked him why and he tells me that he read where the package came from. I told him how I think it's not okay for him to check my packages, especially since I can buy what I want. It's not his money after all.

He threatens that he's gonna take the PS4 away from me and orders me to get out the house more often, as if I don't leave the house every day for work/school/internships. He doesn't think about the stuff I do daily and only believes what he thinks I'm doing on a daily basis, which is sitting in my room, playing games all day whilst talking to my girlfriend. Yes I spend a majority of my free time, talking to my girlfriend, but who wouldn't? Can he really blame me for that?

I tell him it's not fair and that it's bs that he treats me this way. I slowly start tearing up, all the stress and frustration wanting to leave my body. I try to keep it in every time, but I don't always succeed. I don't want to show him he can get to me.

I feel like a prisoner in my own house.

I'm tired of being treated this way and I'm tired of feeling useless in this family. I say family, but it doesn't feel like one. I have no healthy relationships with any of my family members. I had one with my mom, but she's not here anymore.

I only have one person left in my life who I can fully trust and who understands me and my pov's. I'm thankful for her and everything that she does for me. Together we will start a new family, a happy, respectful and loving one at that.

I will be free.

You're currently sleeping. You look so peaceful.. so beautiful as the woman you are. "How'd I get so lucky?", is what I often think to myself.

It takes one look at you to ignite a thousand questions in my head.. "What did I do to deserve you?", "Why and how do you love me?", "Why can't I stop thinking about you?" and "why is it so hard to be apart from you?".

We've been together for almost 5 months now and despite the distance between us (11,438 km to be exact) and the pain of missing you, I think we're stronger than ever. I am so grateful to be able to call you mine and I won't ever take you and your love for granted.

I have been waiting my whole life for you and I'm not going to let you go.. You're a part of my life and I want to explore this world with you by my side. I'm looking forward to an amazing future with you as my wife, my best friend, my source of happiness. I will always try my best to make you the happiest.

𝘠𝘦𝘴.. 𝘠𝘦𝘴 𝘐 𝘢𝘮. 𝘍𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘺 𝘵𝘦𝘦𝘯𝘢𝘨𝘦 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴, 𝘐’𝘷𝘦 𝘧𝘦𝘭𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘢 𝘧𝘢𝘪𝘭𝘶𝘳𝘦. 𝘐 𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘐’𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘢 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵. 𝘐𝘵 𝘮𝘢𝘥𝘦 𝘮𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘮𝘺𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘮𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵. 𝘐 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘐’𝘮 𝘢 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯, 𝘐 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦. 𝘌𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺’𝘷𝘦 𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘵 𝘮𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘴𝘵. 𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵’𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘢 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘐 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵..

𝘋𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩.. 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘢 𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵 𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘥𝘩𝘰𝘰𝘥. 𝘗𝘦𝘳𝘧𝘦𝘤𝘵 𝘧𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘺.. 𝘓𝘰𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴.. 𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘐 𝘨𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘪𝘵’𝘴 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘴𝘢𝘺 “𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘮𝘴”..

𝘐’𝘭𝘭 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘦𝘵𝘢𝘪𝘭𝘴 𝘰𝘶𝘵, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘭𝘦𝘵’𝘴 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘢𝘺, 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴. 𝘈 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘥𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘢𝘨𝘰, 𝘐 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘵 𝘮𝘺 𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘥𝘩𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘴. 𝘐𝘵 𝘮𝘢𝘥𝘦 𝘮𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘥 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘺 𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦. 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘰𝘧 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘴𝘢𝘸.. 𝘪𝘧 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘭. 𝘐𝘵 𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘵 𝘮𝘦. 𝘐 𝘭𝘢𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘐 𝘴𝘢𝘸 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘧𝘳𝘦𝘦 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘢𝘴 𝘢 𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘥. 𝘐 𝘮𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵’𝘷𝘦 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘢 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘸𝘰 𝘳𝘰𝘭𝘭 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘦𝘬..

𝘐 𝘸𝘪𝘴𝘩 𝘐 𝘬𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘸𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨... 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘮𝘺 𝘮𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘤𝘩? 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘮𝘺 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘯 𝘶𝘱𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯? 𝘞𝘢𝘴 𝘪𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘐 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘶𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘺 𝘴𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘰𝘭? 𝘞𝘢𝘴 𝘪𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘐 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘢𝘨𝘦 𝘰𝘧 8-10? 𝘖𝘳 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘐 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘥𝘢𝘳𝘬 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘺 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦, 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘤𝘩 𝘐 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯’𝘵 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘧 𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘭 𝘐 𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘦𝘥 16, 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘴𝘢𝘧𝘦𝘳 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘢𝘴 𝘢 𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘥?.. 𝘐 𝘨𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘐’𝘭𝘭 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸. 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦’𝘴 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘴𝘦𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘵𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦.

𝘐 𝘸𝘪𝘴𝘩 𝘐 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘨𝘰 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘥𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘭𝘺.. 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦, 𝘐’𝘮 𝘴𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘥, 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘪𝘧 𝘐 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥’𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘺 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦.. 𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘮𝘺 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘭𝘺 𝘨𝘰𝘵 𝘮𝘦 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘬. 𝘚𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘴 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘪𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘐’𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦. 𝘐𝘧 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘪𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘐’𝘷𝘦 𝘌𝘝𝘌𝘙 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯.. 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢𝘴 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘴 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳. 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘳. 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵’𝘴 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘣𝘭𝘦. 𝘚𝘩𝘦’𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘺 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦. 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘢𝘳𝘬. 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘰𝘴. 𝘚𝘩𝘦’𝘴 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘧 𝘐 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘸𝘢𝘺.. 𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘭.. 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘢𝘣𝘴𝘰𝘭𝘶𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘺 𝘮𝘦.

𝘐 𝘨𝘰𝘵 𝘢 𝘣𝘪𝘵 𝘰𝘧𝘧 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦.. 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘐?

𝘐𝘧 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘢𝘣𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘱𝘢𝘴𝘵.. 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘢 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘧𝘦𝘤𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦? 𝘞𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘐 𝘣𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘧𝘦𝘤𝘵 𝘥𝘢𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘦𝘳? 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘧𝘦𝘤𝘵 𝘴𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳? 𝘞𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘐 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘥𝘢𝘥 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘐’𝘷𝘦 𝘢𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘢 𝘭𝘰𝘵? 𝘞𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘐 𝘣𝘦 𝘭𝘢𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘬𝘪𝘵𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘯𝘰𝘸, 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘐 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘭𝘢𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘮𝘺 𝘰𝘩 𝘴𝘰 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘧𝘦𝘤𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳? 𝘔𝘢𝘺𝘣𝘦...

𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐’𝘮 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘸𝘰𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘴.. 𝘞𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘐 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘢 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯? 𝘞𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘐 𝘣𝘦 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘣𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘺? 𝘖𝘳 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰’𝘥 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘮𝘺 𝘢𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘶𝘤𝘤𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘺 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘥.. 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 100+ 𝘧𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘢 𝘱𝘪𝘦𝘤𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘺 𝘴𝘶𝘤𝘤𝘦𝘴𝘴?..

𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘧 𝘐’𝘮 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘴𝘶𝘱𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘺? 𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵’𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘦, 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘰𝘯? 𝘌𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘴 𝘮𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘺, 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘬 𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘱𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘵.. 𝘞𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘐 𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘮𝘺𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧? 𝘐𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘶𝘯𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘺 𝘱𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦? 𝘐𝘴 𝘪𝘵 𝘵𝘳𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦? 𝘞𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘐 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘬 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯?

𝘐 𝘢𝘮 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘺.

𝘈𝘮 𝘐?

I have never found anyone like her. Neither have I ever loved someone as much as I love her.

Last night, We talked about different scenarios of how we could've met each other.. what would've happened if we didn't meet where we met? Would we have met each other at all? And when?

I feel like We're meant to be, I'm not trying to be cheesy here.. this is purely based on the way She makes me feel. From a smile to a tear.. from butterflies to driving me insane. I feel like it's safe to say that She's the one. The woman I want to come home to every day. The woman who makes me feel like I can be myself and the woman where I feel safe. She made me realise so many things..

I know you will read this, so when you do, I want you to know how much you mean to me. I'd take a bullet for you. I'd kill to be with you. I feel the need to protect you at all costs, because I don't know wtf I'd do if I lost you. I love you so fucking much it's unreal. This love is a feeling I thought was only possible in movies.. your favorite shows.. but you made me realise that it does exist. I want you.

Whoever or whatever I can thank for having you in my life, I'm forever grateful. I promise to always cherish you, to love you and to be here for you during the toughest times. What wants to break you, comes through me first. I stick by you.. now & forever 💜