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@lavenderbleh
Loved me with your worst intentions Didn't even stop to question Every time you burned me down Don't know how; for a moment it felt like heaven Loved me with your worst intentions Painted us a happy ending Every time you burned me down Don't know how; for a moment it felt like heaven
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Be still. Not every rainbow requires a storm.
Juansen Dizon (via juansendizon)
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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this song is tragically sweet, honestly, me.Ā
mahogany my therapist taught me to hold my chest and focus the second the world becomes too loud
and iām just beginning to learn the difference between fists against drywall screaming, ālet me outā
and sore knuckles on mahogany saying, ālet me inā. ~ flatsound
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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āThis is a thing many people outside your grief cannot understand: that you have not simply lost one person, at one point in time. You have lost their presence in every aspect of your life. Your future has changed as well as your ānowā.ā
ā Megan Devine, refugeingrief.com
instagram | birgittetheresa
Today I cried hysterically when I redownloaded the Starbucks app to my phone and saw an 83 week old gift card from my Dad. Thatās what grieving looks like.
Knowing Iām on my 62nd week of my dad dying and unexpectedly having to acknowledge that there will never be anymore little ājust thinking of youā gifts from him.
And that every time I post a photo of me or my mom smiling our friends rush to say how good it is to see us happy. Itās unfair, but I canāt help but feel as if the people surrounding us are just waiting for us to be ābetterā so they can breath a sigh of relief that we are āok.ā
These crushing moments will last for the rest of our lives though. And itās ok. Weāre functional, and we can be happy, but weāre not moving on. Weāre simply moving forward because there is no going back.
Let your friends be sad no matter how long itās been or how silly of a reason it is for the grief to hit them. Donāt stop talking or look away in fear of embarrassing them. Let them know they are seen. Empathy makes grief bearable.
i am not a canvas
You paint your own definitions of my character over my skinĀ while I temporarily entertain the idea of their truthfulnessĀ letting the bristles scratch against me as I watchĀ black and white acrylic words smothering my living canvasĀ and you going on about how lovely it looksĀ not noticing the abrasions your brush is causingĀ but I think to myself Iāve seen this pattern before yet it doesnāt quite look the same
You arenāt the first to paint me though this has hurt the most each time Iām none the wiser to the art that causes this itās starting to feel like sandpaper, friction against my skin black and white acrylic assumptions smothering the scars and the thing is, paint must dry the real me peeks out from peeling edges pulling layers of skin as I pluck it off raw skin is better than this swirl of black and white definitions that hide the color spectrum beneath it I am not your art because I am not a canvas nor am I yours to define
~ @lavenderblehā 12/3/19
Photo by Peter Lockwood
you say itās all alright but youāre not who's up at night
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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A long, calm sadness seized her.
Clarice Lispector, from āThe Chandelier,ā originally published c. 1946 (via violentwavesofemotion)
thereās a battle raging inside me no one can see my thoughts taking up arms becoming their own worst enemies
~ unfinished @lavenderbleh 11/25/19
