Laurelin Grice

:)

No words needed. Pure perfection. A genuine moment of affection

All the way back in chapter 14, Twilight acted quite callously toward Yor by bugging her clothes and then cornering her as an SSS officer in disguise.

She took him completely off guard with her defensive reaction, willing to fight the SSS on Loid Forger's behalf.

This led Twilight to waver in his conviction and feel bad about what he did, as Franky observed:

More than 100 chapters later he realizes in a panic that his actions have come back to bite him. Yor might recognize Lieutenant Curtis and who knows what she might say in front of a house full of SSS agents, or what she might say to her brother or someone else in private later. Any doubt on her part could eventually lead to suspicions against Loid Forger.

So he doubles down on the "do whatever it takes" mindset. Doesn't matter if he has any affection for Yor at this point, he'll tranquilize her if it means escaping this nightmare he's created for himself. His brain is so overtaxed he can't think of any other escape plan.

And he actually goes through with it (though unexpectedly for him, Yor is immune).

Luckily for him, he's able to get out of the party with no one suspecting anything, and when he subconsciously recognizes he's safe, he almost collapses. Again leaning on Yor (literally) as someone he can let his guard down around.

Now we see the look of guilt once again. And not just guilt, but yearning (the sparkle) and the deep sense that he doesn't deserve Yor's help and care. If she knew how he'd mistreated her -- bugging her clothes, threatening her as an SSS agent, and injecting her with a tranquilizer -- surely she wouldn't look at him with such compassion. When he says "I'm sorry," he means it.

I wonder if just like in chapter 14, Twilight will have a conversation with Franky about what happened. It'll start off as a rant about how Franky's watch didn't work and he's cutting off his R&D funds, but when Franky makes him explain what exactly happened, maybe Franky will be like "Wait a minute, you used it on your wife? That's cold, man!"

"She's not my real wife, it's only for the--"

"Are you serious, that woman has done more for the mission than anyone other than Anya! And me, you better not forget--"

To which Twilight will probably snap back in anger because he doesn't know what to do with all his guilt. In order to cover for the shady things he previously did to Yor, he just did something even shadier, and he'll wonder if it'll just continue in this vicious cycle. It's worse now because he actually feels something deeper for her. He's simultaneously willing to stand in front of a loaded gun for her, and to knock her out cold in order to survive.

THE SHOUJO FILTERS

THE SHOUJO FILTERS PEOPLEEEEEEEEEE

Let me talk to you about something I learned recently. People with a mental health condition like anxiety disorder or OCD are not truly afraid of what they think. For example, a person afraid of heights or the dark or germs is not truly afraid of those things. On the outside, fear manifests every time they are exposed to that trigger but in reality, they are afraid of something else, a core fear, buried deep inside.

That's exactly what's going on with Twilight. Let's dig deeper and find out his core fear.

These last chapters, Twilight has been completely out of control. Obviously, being surrounded by SSS agents was a huge trigger for him, BUT I think the possibility of Yor telling Captain Curtis about their previous interrogation was even a bigger trigger. Why? Because that would make a member of the SSS suspicious of everyone close to Yor, which in turn opens the possibility of losing his family. That was the real trigger.

If you read chapter 134, Twilight was actually holding up well under the circumstances. Although the SSS was interrogating him, he remained composed. However, the moment he remembered he had disguised himself as Yuri’s captain to interrogate Yor, he completely lost his nerve. Just look at his face—the man was utterly terrified.

After that, he totally lost it and began to act recklessly. We see Twilight ruminate in a constant state of panic and come up with countless scenarios as well as crazy ideas that would put him at risk such as:

Using force to keep Yor away from Captain Curtis. In Twilight's mind, that Captain is more dangerous than the Director of the SSS.

2. Drugging his wife with a tranquilizer gun IN FRONT OF COUNTLESS SSS AGENTS! Seriously? What was he thinking? If it was any other person and under any other circumstances he would know that was too risky.

3. Starting a fire. No comment on that.

Do you see what I mean? He was not only risking the mission, he was risking his life. That's exactly what triggers do; they make people act recklessly; all to avoid getting into the situation that they fear the most, which brings us back to...

Twilight's Core Fear

Do you want to guess? Let's analyze some of Twilight's fears:

Being caught by the SSS. Nope, it's not being caught by the SSS, nor being killed in action. He had risked his life plenty of times and he knows that could happen to him. It's part of his job.

People discovering his identity. That's not it either. If he gets discovered, he knows he can run away.

War between East and West. Warmer, but that's not it. This, however, is what Twilight tells himself. He thinks this is his biggest fear, but it's deeper than that. We're getting close.

I'll give you a clue:

This was the worst moment of his life. A traumatic event so big he can't even remember it. It was a moment of total despair, vulnerability, and most of all, fear.

When Twilight says he became a spy so no child has to cry, he is sincere about that. However, what he really means is tied up to his core fear: Twilight is afraid of losing everything and finding himself in a situation of total despair, vulnerability, and fear again.

So yes, he'll do everything and risk anything to avoid going back to that. He thinks that if he prevents a conflict between Westalis and Ostania, this will never happen to him again.

And, if we add something to the mix, we can get something even more specific:

If we combine that deep fear with his upbringing, it's easier to see why he has that need for control.

What does his core fear has to do with Yor?

She's the antidote. Their relationship is part of his healing. Yor represents safety and that's exactly what a person like Twilight needs. When you see it like that, it makes total sense that he would risk everything to keep his only safety.

Look at him being vulnerable. He can only do this with Yor:

Do you see it? Yor is the only person he trusts 🥹

And I think he's starting to realize that too:

This small panel is very telling! He KNOWS he's relying on her. And he WANTS to rely on her. And probably he feels ashamed of that need because for many years he has relied on no one but himself.

We keep winning, Twiyor Nation ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Gosh, I love the way she's growing more and confident around him and in showing him her feelings 🥺🥺🥺❤️❤️❤️

Then I remind myself that in terms of narrative Faramir is allowed to "never" because he comes near the close of Eowyn's story, to help her resolve and recover from the conflict, whereas in most of the stories above the romance is the conflict, therefore the romantic lead cannot be perfect because the relationship needs to face some difficulties in some form.

In Rohan, there was a piece of wisdom passed from mother to daughter out of the elder days in the East: If you wed with a wolf, you bed with his teeth.

Eowyn wed with a gentle man who loved gentleness. For all his strength of arm, he touched her reverently, like she was the first tender leaves of Spring unfurling after a hard frost.

She was teaching him the songs of Rohan for him to eagerly record. They were all full of sunlight and brotherhood, hoofbeats and the sound of spears and the wind and the rolling green. Singing them made her sad, sometimes, though she couldn’t quite say why.

She sat quietly in the garden, looking at her bed of chamomile, yarrow, kingsfoil, ginger.

Farmir draped her starry mantle around her and sat beside her for a long time in silence. At last he asked her, “Do you miss home?”

“No,” she answered honestly. She loved Ithilien. She loved the cliffs and the white rocks and the windy highlands. She loved being the mistress of her own estate. She loved that Faramir sat silently and allowed her to gather her thoughts, that he never pressed or prodded or would that she give him anything but of her own will. “I miss…” she missed the smell of blood and sword oil and the bright flash of metal. She missed the righteous burn in her body when it obeyed her commands. She missed the bulk of her armor. “I miss sword-work. May I come and watch you at the practice fields tomorrow?”

“Of course,” he said, surprised but open.

Faramir drilled cleanly and well, moving over the white, packed-down earth with delicate control. Even from the fence, Eowyn could see the in-turned look on his face, his steady hands, and knew that his sword would not falter for a moment. He was beautiful. She wanted him…she wanted…she wanted…

There were swords and helms and spare pieces of armor in the shed beside the practice field. Dernhelm found a sword that was a good span for his height and well-balanced. He buckled on a breastplate, feeling the comforting weight of it settle over his chest and smooth out the curves there. He walked out onto the field, and his bright sword bit into the morning.

“Spar?”

Faramir looked at him for a moment, then nodded, falling back and waiting for Dernhelm to make the first move.

Dernhelm lunged at him. Faramir met him neatly. Sword sang against sword, and Dernhelm’s body sang of sunlight and brotherhood, of hoofbeats and the sound of spears and the wind and the rolling green.

He led the dance until Faramir faltered, stepping back onto the wrong foot, then he forced him down onto one knee.

Faramir looked up at him, the wind pushing locks of his hair all wild, his mouth slightly open and his grey eyes like stars.

Dernhelm stood over him, breathing hard, his blade pointed straight at his heart. “If you wed with a wolf…” he said.

Faramir smiled reverently. “Come, my white wolf. Let me taste your teeth.”

☕ Who’s the morning person & how do they lure the night owl out of bed?

Faramir is absolutely the morning person, both based on textual evidence and vibes. In the books, when he’s at Henneth Annûn with Frodo and Sam, Tolkien describes him as waking up early and having energy as if he had fully rested, despite him staying up late with the hobbits. I take this to mean that either by temperament or training or Númenorian genetic weirdness, he’s got an uncanny ability to just rise and start the day when he needs to. We also know that he’s a deeply practical guy with mastery over himself and his emotions; he’s gotta be getting up with the sun to tackle his obligations head on.

Éowyn, I think, is less of a morning person. She’s had to get up early a lot in her life, for her duties in Meduseld or to tend to the horses, or simply to prove that she can hang with the men of the hall. So she can get up early, but I don’t think she enjoys it, and in the safety of her relationship with Faramir, I think she grows to enjoy sleeping in a bit later if that’s what she needs.

I don’t think she sleeps super late; she’s far to restless for a lazy morning in bed, but I think she enjoys sleeping a bit past Faramir’s dawn wake up call (that is unless there’s something exciting happening or some place she wants to be).

👀 Who gets jealous more easily & how obvious are they about it?

🧩 What tiny habit of the other do they find unbearably adorable?

👀who gets jealous & how obvious are they?

It’s Éowyn. But it’s really only an issue for her early in her relationship with Faramir, when she still feels somewhat insecure in how she is perceived as a “wild shieldmaiden of the North” with a prince of Gondor. She worries, in those moments, that Faramir might change his mind, that she might be too much for him. After all, she feels her emotions strongly, she has a temper, she is firey. When she lets the magnitude of her feelings show, she wonders if her usually calm, self-mastered husband might look down on her and wish for a more gentle and biddable Gondorian bride. And it doesn’t help that some snickering Gondorians whisper just that: look at that ungentle shieldmaiden, that wild horsewoman of the North- what does the Lord Faramir see in her?

And so, in the early days of their relationship, when a beautiful courtier from Minas Tirith chats pleasantly with Faramir, or when a visiting lady from Lossarnach makes eyes at him, Éowyn feels insecure and gets jealous. She isn’t great at hiding it, she grows quiet and becomes a little snappy and makes barbed comments about the person in question. Faramir sees through it rather easily.

However, this dynamic is short lived. In her relationship with Faramir, Éowyn grows much more confident and secure in how she is perceived in Gondor, and in the fact that Faramir sees and loves all parts of her. Once she grows in that confidence, there’s very little room for jealous feelings to grow.

🧩what tiny habit do they do that the other finds adorable?

Faramir loves it when Éowyn gets unabashedly excited about something— that sort of child-like excitement and enthusiasm and delight. It makes him really happy to see her completely let her guard down and give in to joy. He notices this happens almost frequently around specific things like: horses, seeing lightning and/or shooting stars, having the opportunity to swim, custard (more on this in my upcoming fic chapter), and (after she trains as a healer) being able to find and identify certain rare herbs and plants.

Eowyn was embracing life and healing.