Ăowyn, do you not love me?

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Kiana Khansmith
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trying on a metaphor

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if i look back, i am lost
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@laurelin-94
Ăowyn, do you not love me?

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:)
No words needed. Pure perfection. A genuine moment of affection
âŚand suddenly the physical contact comes easy to Yor :)
I like how Twilight's growth isn't linear. It feels painfully slow a lot of the time, but that's close to real life. It's so difficult for people to change, let alone a battle-hardened spy who has to remain hypervigilant or else face death by torture (while believing world peace will collapse).
All the way back in chapter 14, Twilight acted quite callously toward Yor by bugging her clothes and then cornering her as an SSS officer in disguise.
She took him completely off guard with her defensive reaction, willing to fight the SSS on Loid Forger's behalf.
This led Twilight to waver in his conviction and feel bad about what he did, as Franky observed:
More than 100 chapters later he realizes in a panic that his actions have come back to bite him. Yor might recognize Lieutenant Curtis and who knows what she might say in front of a house full of SSS agents, or what she might say to her brother or someone else in private later. Any doubt on her part could eventually lead to suspicions against Loid Forger.
So he doubles down on the "do whatever it takes" mindset. Doesn't matter if he has any affection for Yor at this point, he'll tranquilize her if it means escaping this nightmare he's created for himself. His brain is so overtaxed he can't think of any other escape plan.
And he actually goes through with it (though unexpectedly for him, Yor is immune).
Luckily for him, he's able to get out of the party with no one suspecting anything, and when he subconsciously recognizes he's safe, he almost collapses. Again leaning on Yor (literally) as someone he can let his guard down around.
Now we see the look of guilt once again. And not just guilt, but yearning (the sparkle) and the deep sense that he doesn't deserve Yor's help and care. If she knew how he'd mistreated her -- bugging her clothes, threatening her as an SSS agent, and injecting her with a tranquilizer -- surely she wouldn't look at him with such compassion. When he says "I'm sorry," he means it.
I wonder if just like in chapter 14, Twilight will have a conversation with Franky about what happened. It'll start off as a rant about how Franky's watch didn't work and he's cutting off his R&D funds, but when Franky makes him explain what exactly happened, maybe Franky will be like "Wait a minute, you used it on your wife? That's cold, man!"
"She's not my real wife, it's only for the--"
"Are you serious, that woman has done more for the mission than anyone other than Anya! And me, you better not forget--"
To which Twilight will probably snap back in anger because he doesn't know what to do with all his guilt. In order to cover for the shady things he previously did to Yor, he just did something even shadier, and he'll wonder if it'll just continue in this vicious cycle. It's worse now because he actually feels something deeper for her. He's simultaneously willing to stand in front of a loaded gun for her, and to knock her out cold in order to survive.
I really hope we see someone like Franky or even Handler or the old WISE agent call Twilight out in the middle of the turmoil he's going through. Don't just let this moment of character growth (or regression) slip by and go unspoken.
THE SHOUJO FILTERS
THE SHOUJO FILTERS PEOPLEEEEEEEEEE
AND DONT THINK I DONT SEE THAT BLUSH TWILIGHTTTT
Spy x Family Chapter 136: The Core Fear
Let me talk to you about something I learned recently. People with a mental health condition like anxiety disorder or OCD are not truly afraid of what they think. For example, a person afraid of heights or the dark or germs is not truly afraid of those things. On the outside, fear manifests every time they are exposed to that trigger but in reality, they are afraid of something else, a core fear, buried deep inside.
That's exactly what's going on with Twilight. Let's dig deeper and find out his core fear.
These last chapters, Twilight has been completely out of control. Obviously, being surrounded by SSS agents was a huge trigger for him, BUT I think the possibility of Yor telling Captain Curtis about their previous interrogation was even a bigger trigger. Why? Because that would make a member of the SSS suspicious of everyone close to Yor, which in turn opens the possibility of losing his family. That was the real trigger.
If you read chapter 134, Twilight was actually holding up well under the circumstances. Although the SSS was interrogating him, he remained composed. However, the moment he remembered he had disguised himself as Yuriâs captain to interrogate Yor, he completely lost his nerve. Just look at his faceâthe man was utterly terrified.
After that, he totally lost it and began to act recklessly. We see Twilight ruminate in a constant state of panic and come up with countless scenarios as well as crazy ideas that would put him at risk such as:
Using force to keep Yor away from Captain Curtis. In Twilight's mind, that Captain is more dangerous than the Director of the SSS.
2. Drugging his wife with a tranquilizer gun IN FRONT OF COUNTLESS SSS AGENTS! Seriously? What was he thinking? If it was any other person and under any other circumstances he would know that was too risky.
3. Starting a fire. No comment on that.
Do you see what I mean? He was not only risking the mission, he was risking his life. That's exactly what triggers do; they make people act recklessly; all to avoid getting into the situation that they fear the most, which brings us back to...
Twilight's Core Fear
Do you want to guess? Let's analyze some of Twilight's fears:
Being caught by the SSS. Nope, it's not being caught by the SSS, nor being killed in action. He had risked his life plenty of times and he knows that could happen to him. It's part of his job.
People discovering his identity. That's not it either. If he gets discovered, he knows he can run away.
War between East and West. Warmer, but that's not it. This, however, is what Twilight tells himself. He thinks this is his biggest fear, but it's deeper than that. We're getting close.
I'll give you a clue:
This was the worst moment of his life. A traumatic event so big he can't even remember it. It was a moment of total despair, vulnerability, and most of all, fear.
When Twilight says he became a spy so no child has to cry, he is sincere about that. However, what he really means is tied up to his core fear: Twilight is afraid of losing everything and finding himself in a situation of total despair, vulnerability, and fear again.
So yes, he'll do everything and risk anything to avoid going back to that. He thinks that if he prevents a conflict between Westalis and Ostania, this will never happen to him again.
And, if we add something to the mix, we can get something even more specific:
If we combine that deep fear with his upbringing, it's easier to see why he has that need for control.
What does his core fear has to do with Yor?
She's the antidote. Their relationship is part of his healing. Yor represents safety and that's exactly what a person like Twilight needs. When you see it like that, it makes total sense that he would risk everything to keep his only safety.
Look at him being vulnerable. He can only do this with Yor:
Do you see it? Yor is the only person he trusts đĽš
And I think he's starting to realize that too:
This small panel is very telling! He KNOWS he's relying on her. And he WANTS to rely on her. And probably he feels ashamed of that need because for many years he has relied on no one but himself.
His struggle with vulnerability is what drives the story forward. I've written about this before here. Slowly but surely, Agent Twilight is starting to crumble but also he's begining to heal.

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We keep winning, Twiyor Nation â¤ď¸â¤ď¸â¤ď¸â¤ď¸â¤ď¸â¤ď¸â¤ď¸â¤ď¸â¤ď¸â¤ď¸
Gosh, I love the way she's growing more and confident around him and in showing him her feelings đĽşđĽşđĽşâ¤ď¸â¤ď¸â¤ď¸
I love them so much.
Karl Urban as ĂOMER The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (2003)
Sometimes I read couples where the male love interest is an arsehole and treats the female lead like total shit, and I get all smug because I think "Faramir would never".
Then I remind myself that in terms of narrative Faramir is allowed to "never" because he comes near the close of Eowyn's story, to help her resolve and recover from the conflict, whereas in most of the stories above the romance is the conflict, therefore the romantic lead cannot be perfect because the relationship needs to face some difficulties in some form.
And then I'm like, still, "Faramir would never".
thinking about Ăowyn and Faramir in the fourth age and how they likely have pretty spectacular fights. Everyone focuses on their romance and how perfect they are for each other, which is so true, but I think part of what makes them perfect is that they're both incredibly strong-willed, and that's absolutely going to lead to clashes.
We know Faramir can be straightforward and sharp (especially with his family; see also "The Siege of Gondor" chapter), and I think part of how he shows respect is that he doesn't mince his words or give platitudes. That means he's going to call Ăowyn on her shit (rightfully or not rightfully) at times. Ăowyn is firey, and she's going to snap back, and they're going to go back and forth like that for a while until they each feel satisfied that they've made their points. I also think that this sort of dynamic between them points to a larger matter: how fighting isn't always bad in a relationship, it can actually bring people closer together when it leads to honest expression of passion/emotion, open communication, and when it is under-girded by mutual respect and trust. Which, for Farawyn, is definitely the case.
Lord of the Rings - Teeth!
In Rohan, there was a piece of wisdom passed from mother to daughter out of the elder days in the East: If you wed with a wolf, you bed with his teeth.
Eowyn wed with a gentle man who loved gentleness. For all his strength of arm, he touched her reverently, like she was the first tender leaves of Spring unfurling after a hard frost.
She was teaching him the songs of Rohan for him to eagerly record. They were all full of sunlight and brotherhood, hoofbeats and the sound of spears and the wind and the rolling green. Singing them made her sad, sometimes, though she couldnât quite say why.
She sat quietly in the garden, looking at her bed of chamomile, yarrow, kingsfoil, ginger.
Farmir draped her starry mantle around her and sat beside her for a long time in silence. At last he asked her, âDo you miss home?â
âNo,â she answered honestly. She loved Ithilien. She loved the cliffs and the white rocks and the windy highlands. She loved being the mistress of her own estate. She loved that Faramir sat silently and allowed her to gather her thoughts, that he never pressed or prodded or would that she give him anything but of her own will. âI missâŚâ she missed the smell of blood and sword oil and the bright flash of metal. She missed the righteous burn in her body when it obeyed her commands. She missed the bulk of her armor. âI miss sword-work. May I come and watch you at the practice fields tomorrow?â
âOf course,â he said, surprised but open.
Faramir drilled cleanly and well, moving over the white, packed-down earth with delicate control. Even from the fence, Eowyn could see the in-turned look on his face, his steady hands, and knew that his sword would not falter for a moment. He was beautiful. She wanted himâŚshe wantedâŚshe wantedâŚ
There were swords and helms and spare pieces of armor in the shed beside the practice field. Dernhelm found a sword that was a good span for his height and well-balanced. He buckled on a breastplate, feeling the comforting weight of it settle over his chest and smooth out the curves there. He walked out onto the field, and his bright sword bit into the morning.
âSpar?â
Faramir looked at him for a moment, then nodded, falling back and waiting for Dernhelm to make the first move.
Dernhelm lunged at him. Faramir met him neatly. Sword sang against sword, and Dernhelmâs body sang of sunlight and brotherhood, of hoofbeats and the sound of spears and the wind and the rolling green.
He led the dance until Faramir faltered, stepping back onto the wrong foot, then he forced him down onto one knee.
Faramir looked up at him, the wind pushing locks of his hair all wild, his mouth slightly open and his grey eyes like stars.
Dernhelm stood over him, breathing hard, his blade pointed straight at his heart. âIf you wed with a wolfâŚâ he said.
Faramir smiled reverently. âCome, my white wolf. Let me taste your teeth.â
Pride Prompts

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đŞ Whoâs more likely to say âweâre not leaving this room todayâ? for Farawyn? :D
Oh Faramir for sure. Ăowyn has problems expressing her sexuality for reasons we know: trauma, sexism, wanting to be taken seriously by men around her and therefore suppressing her own expressions of desire and sexuality. Sheâs working on that. But Faramir has no such baggage. Heâs a still waters run deep kind of guy, but his waters *do* run deep, and heâs not afraid to tell Ăowyn he wants her. From all we know about the man, heâs decisive and strong willed; when he wants something, he goes after it. And truth be told, sheâs happy to let him take the lead and bring her out of her shell in that way.
âď¸ for Farawyn!
â Whoâs the morning person & how do they lure the night owl out of bed?
Faramir is absolutely the morning person, both based on textual evidence and vibes. In the books, when heâs at Henneth AnnĂťn with Frodo and Sam, Tolkien describes him as waking up early and having energy as if he had fully rested, despite him staying up late with the hobbits. I take this to mean that either by temperament or training or NĂşmenorian genetic weirdness, heâs got an uncanny ability to just rise and start the day when he needs to. We also know that heâs a deeply practical guy with mastery over himself and his emotions; heâs gotta be getting up with the sun to tackle his obligations head on.
Ăowyn, I think, is less of a morning person. Sheâs had to get up early a lot in her life, for her duties in Meduseld or to tend to the horses, or simply to prove that she can hang with the men of the hall. So she can get up early, but I donât think she enjoys it, and in the safety of her relationship with Faramir, I think she grows to enjoy sleeping in a bit later if thatâs what she needs.
I donât think she sleeps super late; sheâs far to restless for a lazy morning in bed, but I think she enjoys sleeping a bit past Faramirâs dawn wake up call (that is unless thereâs something exciting happening or some place she wants to be).
So, on those mornings when Ăowyn sleeps an hour or two past sunrise, I think Faramir rouses her and brings her favorite warm beverage.
For Farawyn and the couples asks!
đ Who gets jealous more easily & how obvious are they about it?
đ§Š What tiny habit of the other do they find unbearably adorable?
đwho gets jealous & how obvious are they?
Itâs Ăowyn. But itâs really only an issue for her early in her relationship with Faramir, when she still feels somewhat insecure in how she is perceived as a âwild shieldmaiden of the Northâ with a prince of Gondor. She worries, in those moments, that Faramir might change his mind, that she might be too much for him. After all, she feels her emotions strongly, she has a temper, she is firey. When she lets the magnitude of her feelings show, she wonders if her usually calm, self-mastered husband might look down on her and wish for a more gentle and biddable Gondorian bride. And it doesnât help that some snickering Gondorians whisper just that: look at that ungentle shieldmaiden, that wild horsewoman of the North- what does the Lord Faramir see in her?
And so, in the early days of their relationship, when a beautiful courtier from Minas Tirith chats pleasantly with Faramir, or when a visiting lady from Lossarnach makes eyes at him, Ăowyn feels insecure and gets jealous. She isnât great at hiding it, she grows quiet and becomes a little snappy and makes barbed comments about the person in question. Faramir sees through it rather easily.
However, this dynamic is short lived. In her relationship with Faramir, Ăowyn grows much more confident and secure in how she is perceived in Gondor, and in the fact that Faramir sees and loves all parts of her. Once she grows in that confidence, thereâs very little room for jealous feelings to grow.
đ§Šwhat tiny habit do they do that the other finds adorable?
Faramir loves it when Ăowyn gets unabashedly excited about somethingâ that sort of child-like excitement and enthusiasm and delight. It makes him really happy to see her completely let her guard down and give in to joy. He notices this happens almost frequently around specific things like: horses, seeing lightning and/or shooting stars, having the opportunity to swim, custard (more on this in my upcoming fic chapter), and (after she trains as a healer) being able to find and identify certain rare herbs and plants.
Ăowyn finds it adorable to watch Faramir interact with animals. He talks to them in a gentle voice as if they can understand him; he even has full on conversations with birds or with barn cats or rabbits in the meadow, which delights Ăowyn to no end.
THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING (2001) dir. Peter Jackson
Reading lord of the rings after watching the movies is crazyyy. Like I genuinely hallucinated scenes that I thought were already in the movies, that's how good Tolkien is with prose. "Oh yeah no I remember Eowyn and Faramir talking and falling in love (which happened briefly in the extended edition)"

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"Itâs a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to." â Bilbo Baggins
Eowyn wasn't embracing her "femininity" when she became a healer after a war.
Eowyn was embracing life and healing.
Eowyn didn't become a healer because she was a woman. Eowyn became a healer because the war had ended and the world needed healing.