Aries: You're always on the hunt for some new thrill, most of the time to cover up the fact that you actually live a boring, unfulfilled life; you love being the over-protective one but don't really know your limits; you're fun to be around, I'll give you that but that's only if your constant need to nitpick at something doesn't get in the way

Taurus: Oh Taurus, you have so much potential but that's usually sidetracked by your half-assed attempts at most things; you have a problem with every little freakin' thing that doesn't go your way (boo hoo); and you'd be a breeze to talk to if you didn't have constant diarrhea of the mouth (tell you my secrets? hell no)

Gemini: Talking a lot isn't your problem, talking about 5 topics in 2 minutes is your problem...you lose people with your maze of discussions; most people like you, they do, but you can be so judgmental and very difficult to understand; and for goodness sake, please stop acting like you're so "unbothered" by every damn thing...you are human right?

Cancer: We know you get sick of hearing how emotional you are...truth is, you hold your emotions down very well but when you want to become the poster child for "hissy fits", there's no stopping you; Cancer, can you hear me? Listen (or look rather), you don't have to know every muthaf*ckin' thing. I mean damn, you act like it's a sin to not INCLUDE you in something

Leo: You're a good person Leo, but you have a messed up attitude and it radiates to others more than you know. Between your weird facial expressions, dramatic-ness (I made that up) and your touchy moments, you're like a pile of stink garbage sometimes that no one wants to be around; your heart is big and people love you for that -- focus more on self-gratification though because you wear yourself out trying to be "Saint Leo who really doesn't want to do something but does it so you don't hear someone's mouth"

Virgo: Virgo, you try to care but most of the time you're making it look good. Are you compassionate? Are you sensitive to the needs of others? Yes, but far and few between do moments happen where you're deeply affected by it; You're a smart one Virgo, serious brain power you have there -- if only you could turn down those annoying thoughts that drive you bat shit crazy on the inside

Libra: You're probably doing something for someone right this minutes. Are you? If not, it won't be long. There's nothing wrong with "looking out" for people but sh*t, who's looking out for you?; and speak up dammit, why focus so much of your lovely energy on keeping things bottled up? Oh I see, you don't want to be disliked...well guess what, somebody out there hates your guts (just being honest) so you obviously can't please everybody

Scorpio: My dear Scorpio, you're a lot my friend. A whole lot to deal with -- and that's why many people back away. Don't tell me you haven't noticed; If you had a penny for all those crazy thoughts that run through your head, you'd definitely be able to pay someone's rent, at the least; You're another one with a good heart though, can'r deny that but you need to work on being more of the genuine person you expect everyone else to be

Sagittarius: I like you Sagittarius, you're fun, you're bold, you're adventuruous but you can be such a big pain in the ass. You have such an irrational way of thinking. You expect everybody to be on your team and if they're not, c'est la vie. Why can't someone disagree with you? Are you the almighty, righteous one? I think not.

Capricorn: Having you around is some people's dream and some people's nightmare. I think it's safe to say you have an equal number of close friends and enemies. Well not enemies per se, but definitely people who can't stand your guts. You have a spunk about you but you can be extremely self-absorbed and even more demanding. You slobber on your pillow, just like the rest of us. Get a grip.

Aquarius: There's a lot I could say about you Aquarius, but I'll make this short and sweet. Focus more on relating to people and less on being so wrapped up in yourself. Are you a nice person, yes. But those who know you or are around you enough see the vindictive person you can be; if someone even looks at you funny, you're ready to write them off. You can't systematically cut ties with everyone and then wonder why you're a lonesome dud, I mean dove.