Zaima

“Why are you pushing me away so much?”, he asked as he stood in front of her, watching as her breath got caught in her throat at his question. She avoided his gaze while she mumbled, “You wouldn’t understand.” He moved forward to cup her face gently in his hands before brushing his thumb against her cheek, “Then help me understand, my love.” She let out a rough breath as she leaned into his touch, “I’m only pushing you away for your sake because it’s not easy to love someone like me. I would know because I’ve been trying to do just that my whole life. What if one day you wake up and realize that you don’t want to do this anymore? What if one day you see me the way I see myself and leave? What if one day you realize that I wasn’t worth it? I don’t think I have it in me to survive that.” His eyes softened upon hearing her words as his thumbs brushed away the tears that slid down her cheek, “I can assure you that day won’t ever come because I love you, darling, and I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure you know it in every moment of our lives. Time is all I need to convince you that I’m in this for good because I can’t imagine my life without you. So as long as you’re willing to give me time, I’m all yours.”

“Baby, could you come here for a second?”, he called out to her as he stood in front of the mirror, loosening his tie and untying it. She walked into the room while he turned around to face her, “Could you put this tie on for me?” She raised an eyebrow, eyeing him with suspicion, “How did you manage to do it all this time?” He shrugged nonchalantly as she moved closer to him, “My mom used to do it for me.” She bit back a smile as she tied the tie around his neck, all while he watched her with a smile of his own. She glanced at him as she fastened the tie before fixing his collar, “Stop staring at me.” “Shush, let a man be”, he said as he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer. “You’re a retard, you know that?”, she scolded him as she smoothed her hands down his shoulders, “Pretending like you don’t know how to tie your own tie just so I would do it for you.”He laughed softly before burying his face in the crook of her neck, “Oops, I’ve been caught.”

“I haven’t completely given up on love, you know?”, she spoke quietly as the waves crashed against the shore. “You’d think with all that has happened, how at one point it felt like the world had conspired against me to show how undeserving I was of love, I’d be rid of hope. But strangely, I live on with the kindling feeling that one day I’d find someone who’ll love me like I’m their last breath. That doesn’t mean I’m actively searching for it though. I’m not looking for the type of love that grows from longing but rather found in living. I carry all this love with me and have no place to put it. So what do I do? I use it for myself, my loved ones, stray cats I find on the streets, the skies that need admiring, the pages I ink with my writing.” “It took me a while to realize that the love I was searching and yearning for all this time,” she smiled softly as her words fell to a murmur, “was me.”

“I’ll give you all the time in the world, my love and wait for you for as long as you need me to”, he whispered gently as he cupped her face in his warm hands. She leaned into his touch as her eyes glazed over with an emotion he couldn’t put his finger on before she murmured, “Why?” He let out a rough breath and pressed his forehead against hers, “Because I can’t imagine my life without you. I want to love you the way you think you don’t deserve for yourself and truth be told, you deserve way more than this universe has to offer. I want to be there when you’re at your happiest but also when the weight of the world gets too overwhelming on your shoulders so I could help you carry it. And if I’m lucky enough, I’d hope to be loved by your winsome yet wondrous heart. He leaned closer until his lips brushed against hers with every word he spoke, "This is it for me, my love. It’s you or no one. You’re it for me.”

"I didn't exactly fall in love with you", she murmured softly as they lay on the couch, his head resting in the crook of her neck. He lifted her head and looked up at her, urging her to continue. She sighed softly as she played with the strands of his hair, "Even when I wasn't quite looking for anything when I met you, I knew what I was getting myself into when I looked into your eyes. I walked into love with you, my darling. Every step I've taken to get closer to you was intentional, and I wouldn't have it any other way. With every step I've taken, my eyes are open and I see you, only you. Although the idea of being each other's fate seems promising, I believe that even if the world were pitted against us, I'd choose you. I'd find you in every lifetime, in every world, in every dimension, and I'd choose you because you're all I want."

He leaned against the doorway of their bedroom and watched as the love of his life get ready. She was done applying kajal when her eyes caught his in the mirror, and she smiled knowingly, "What are you doing?" He shook his head slightly, gazing at her as she brushed her hair out, "I'm just admiring." She laughed softly as he walked up to her, wrapping his arms around her waist, "You always do that, even when I'm not looking." He pressed his cheek against hers as she put on her jhumkas, "Can you blame me?" She grinned before turning in his arms, looping her arms around his neck before tilting her head at him, "So, how do I look?" He took one of her hands in his and placed it over his heart before leaning in to brush his lips against hers and murmured, "You look so mesmerizing, even the moon is jealous, meri jaan."

"I don't get it", he said softly as he lay on his side, facing towards her. She folded her hands and rested her head on them as she gazed at him, "Get what?" "I don't get why you like me", he murmured softly as he let his eyes roam over her face, "Why me?" She reached out to hold one of his hands in hers, her thumb brushing across the back of it as she said, "I'd be a fool not to like you." He stared back at her, urging her to continue, "I wasn't even searching for anything when I first started talking to you, but as time passed, you felt like everything I was too scared to want. I knew what I was getting myself into, but even then, my heart willed itself to stay because the mere thought of staying away from you seemed impossible. There's so much good in you that you don't let others see, but I was lucky enough to catch a glimpse of it. And despite the things you'd say to push me away, I keep coming back to you only because I like you too much to let you go so easily." She cupped his face gently with her other hand as he melted in her touch, "I like you because you're you, my love, and I'll do my best to prove to you that you deserve everything this universe has to offer."

"I know what you're trying to do", she whispered as she traced the rim of the glass she was drinking from with the tip of her finger. He looked at her with his brows slightly furrowed, "What do you mean?" She looked back at him with wary eyes before letting out a sigh, "You're trying to push me away so that eventually I'll get tired and I'll leave on my own." He let his roam her features while murmuring, "I don't want to drag you into my mess." She shook her head slightly as emotion clawed at her throat, "That's not for you to decide. If I wanted to leave, I would've already, but I'm still here, aren't I?" He walked closer to her until their bodies brushed against each other, staring down at her as he tried not to lose himself in her eyes before whispering quietly, "Why?" She smiled softly as her eyes glossed over with tears, "Because I like you too much to let you go so easily."

"What are you doing to me?" she whispered softly, looking up at him with her soft brown eyes. He frowned slightly as his eyes roamed her features and murmured, "What do you mean?" She let out a breath she wasn't aware she was holding before saying, "You're making me feel things I thought I'd never be able to feel again. I've spent my whole life trying to stay away from the one thing I've desired most so that I wouldn't get hurt.  But you, my love, are truly the embodiment of everything I was too scared to want and you would think that'd push me away, but it only makes me crave you even more. You've made me take a leap of faith only because I know I'll fall into your arms and there's nothing I want more."

"How would you describe yourself at this very moment?", they ask her. The wind gently blows a few strands of hair away from her face as she murmurs, "Somewhere between being a hopeless romantic and a strong independent individual." She looks down as she plays with the rings on her fingers, "To wake up every day and struggle with the balance of being in love with the idea itself and be reluctant to experience it firsthand. I see people around me madly in love and can only dream of having someone to yearn for. But as time passes, I've slowly started believing in the fact that perhaps, there's hope for someone like me after all. And even though the urge to get out there and fall in love with someone is very much tempting, I tell myself that I must learn to love myself first, and all things will eventually fall in place."