agony and ecstasy

I never want to be known as the person who works all the time. Work is slavery. Unless you’re the founder of the company (NOT the ceo; ceos are trained circus monkeys), then bragging about work sounds like you’re bragging about being a slave. It sounds like a fetish to me. "I like being told what to do. I like making other people rich. I like sacrificing my nights and weekends to increase shareholder value. I like going to networking events so I can hopefully meet other slaves slightly higher up on the food chain so that I can leech off them and beg for favors." Even at higher levels it’s still an obvious humilation ritual, I mean just look at the constant humiliation and indignity endured by anyone below the board of directors. At the last major tech company I worked for they literally fired the ceo during the earnings call and humiliated him. Everything about having a job is humiliating. Even if you make “a lot” of money it sucks. Yes it’s fun to flex on the other wagecucks and fly business class to Japan (lol that was peak) but you’re doing all of that at the courtesy of some other cuck who calls himself your boss. Having a boss is the ultimate humiliation. There’s a random person, usually some mid white guy, who thinks he’s better than you because of a bullshit job title that means nothing and is made up (nobody in tech has real skills. None can survive without bullshit jobs) and who is the biggest brown nosing suck up and biggest snitch on the planet and is proud to be. Bosses are pathetic. You’re a glorified babysitter but you babysit adults with graduate degrees, most of whom are probably smarter than you. LOL, how does one stomach the humiliation? Because you’re willing to debase yourself to bump the stock by 5%? This is such an obvious fetish. It’s prostitution. It’s shameful and embarrassing. If you work in tech you should be embarrassed because you very likely have a fake job and no skills and you’re only in that position due to brown nosing and expert pretending. I know this from experience. Most tech workers try to look busy all day and “create work” for themselves. Basically none of them are contributing in any meaningful way, they're patiently waiting for the day to end and running in circles to justify their bloated paychecks. Job interviews have always been the most extreme form of humiliation imaginable but now they’ve gone COMPLETELY off the rails. My last interview lasted 6 hours. I had to speak to 6 people and give an hour long presentation with slides that I made specifically for that job interview. So that’s essentially an entire day of work...for free. Can you imagine a greater level of insult and humiliation? Also pretty soon you'll have to pay to apply to jobs. Or put down a deposit. Can you imagine? I can count on one hand the amount of times I've been paid for work I did as part of an interview process (two times out of 1,000+). Wow, I kind of want to just fuck off to my family’s country of origin and live like a king. I think about that a lot lately. The hustle isn’t worth it at all. No matter how much money I make I feel humiliated and broke. I think I need to sell my property and move to the third world. I'm being priced out of my own existence.

I know I'm on this huge antiwork kick rn but like lol i don't understand anyone who takes remote working seriously?? like if i'm at home my priority is whatever the hell I want to do at home. I can't believe some people actually bother to get dressed, put on makeup, make a home office and be "present" while they're working from home like what? If I'm working from home I expect to essentially get paid to pretend to work, which is a Herculean effort in itself. If I'm working from home I'm literally in bed with my eyes closed at 9:00am with my camera off in the meeting and getting annoyed if anyone dares to address me lol. Then when I'm actually up and out of bed I'm doing my own thing. I'm making breakfast, I'm watching my shows, I'm working on my novel and catching up on my reading and when I feel like it I'll check my Teams app...maybe... like working from home is such an amazing privilege so it baffles me that people try to replicate the office experience at home. If I'm at home my priority is being at home unbothered and undisturbed. I'm usually pretty good ar LARPing that I'm working but at my last job I was so abysmally bad at it that it felt like a comedy sketch. People would message me like "what are you working on rn?" and I would just copy and paste someone else's takeaways from some other meeting LOL

Like, I cannot even relate to anyone who takes work seriously. I lack the ability to even pretend to take work seriously. I have never, ever, ever put in more than perhaps 50% effort into a job, and that's only if I'm trying extra hard. At best I am sleepwalking through meetings to maintain the impression of being active and involved. I have a major problem with authority and find the idea of having a manager insulting and laughable. Pretty much all of my managers know that I don't respect them within a few weeks of me joining. I don't take feedback well (I don't take it at all) and if my manager is good at the job I view them as a bootlicking shitsucking brown-nosing sycophant and a bigass fucking lamedick loser and I'm happy that I am an individual and nothing like them. I have never kept a job for more than 2 years and I don't think I ever will. My pattern is to lie my way into a job by nailing the interview (I apply perhaps 65% effort in the interview phase) and putting on an entirely foreign persona. Once I get into the job, I keep up the charade for about three months until I can't be arsed anymore, and then I wait around for them to realize I don't give a shit and make a comment about it. Once they've made that comment, I start looking for another job. If I sense any notion that I will face punitive action, I happily excuse myself from the position and start shopping around for something else. I deeply resent the fact that I have to work and I have a very difficult time hiding that. I'm just an expert manipulator and a faker. When I feel like it I can be a great actor and obscenely charming and insightful. Problem is it takes me around 3 months before I stop giving a shit. This is my pattern. I think it's fine. I'm not a wagie. I'm anything but a dickless cuck.