You already know

It's always "stop harming yourself or we'll have to lock you up!!!" and never "what do you need to change to want to harm yourself less and how can we help you make some of these changes?" and that's why we're not getting anywhere

i have a suggestion

"Clearly I wasn't talking about disabled people-" yeah part of the problem is that the existence of disabled people just isn't considered in your worldview like that's the problem we're criticizing not a get out of jail free card

No, that's not the problem. Not everything is relevant to disabled people, nor does it have to be.

Disabled people are the world's biggest minority group and a part of every other marginalized community. Thinking that you can do progressive activism without ever engaging with the subject of disability is in fact a problem