realizing that i can literally just not spend time around/be friends with/date people who i don't really like has been a game changer for me like i had no idea how much i was suppressing my feelings of just straight up disliking people until i got into a longer relationship with someone i actually love 😭😭 like i already know it's horrible and these people did not deserve it but i've been in at least two long term relationships where i kind of didn't really like the person but i felt like i had to date them for whatever reason (probably fear of being alone) and i'm glad i'm realizing now that it would have just been kinder to say no to their advances even if they would've hated me. and if they hated me for saying no to them then they wouldn't have even been the right person anyway because i think if you really love someone you won't be angry/destructive at them for making the decisions that are best for them, you want them to be free and happy.
i think being more confident in myself and being willing to look like the asshole if it means doing the right thing is the key for me to like being a better person and being able to have better relationships. those people deserved to be truly loved and i kept putting myself in these situations because i'm not 100% sure but i think i felt like deep down i didn't deserve to be loved so i was dragging people down with me. and it feels much better to realize that i don't actually have to do that, that i'm a worthwhile person regardless of whether or not i'm in a relationship, that i deserve to be happy, that i can be happy and make a good life for myself, that if i want i can pour that caring energy into myself instead of another person, that it's not my life's purpose to be subservient to others, that my worth isn't based on whether or not people like me and want to be around me. cause then i can be happy and they can be happy. no straight person ball-and-chain shit. i'm allowed to be selective.
turnnoffyourmind
theartofmadeline
areudirty
blakekathryn
stormborns
