julien’s gf

Though, if you were having trouble sleeping, then surely… 

Being as careful and as quiet as possible, you maneuvered your body out of your sleeping bag without causing the material to rustle too much. You left your phone in favor of grabbing the flashlight that had been beside your pillow, and gathered up one of the quilts that you had been curled up with. Stepping carefully over Dina’s legs, you unzipped the tent flap extremely slowly so as to not stir your friend from her sleep. You grabbed your shoes at the last second before quietly stepping out of the tent, repeating the cautious zipping movements. 

Once free, you exhaled in relief. The air was fresh and chilled, the sky dark and filled with stars. You didn’t have to turn your flashlight on, because you had already managed to spot a familiar form sitting just several feet away. 

You dropped your shoes to the ground, slipping your feet inside of them as you continued to hold the quilt and flashlight in your arms. “Couldn’t sleep?” 

Ellie didn’t startle at the sound of your voice. You could just barely make out her shrug, your lips curving upward after witnessing even the slightest bit of movement from your best friend. Every little thing that Ellie did, it was like both your body and mind were attuned to it. 

“Not next to fuckin’ Jesse,” Ellie scoffed, though her tone lacked malice. It was a gentle ribbing, despite the person in question being asleep, tucked into the second tent that currently occupied their reserved space of the Earth. 

You hummed in response, trudging carefully through the grass and stepping over sticks until you made it to Ellie’s side. Her head was tilted slightly up, gaze fixated upon the sky of bright, twinkling stars. Your fingers clutched the quilt a little tighter as you resisted the urge to reach out and brush some strands of auburn away from Ellie’s face, despite how endearing you thought it looked whenever her hair was like that. 

“You okay?” You murmured, standing next to where Ellie was sitting. “Just awake, or…?”

“Just awake,” Ellie answered softly. 

Ellie was on a blanket, sitting cross-legged with her shoulders slightly hunched. She was in pajamas too, faded blue pants with a hoodie thrown over whatever t-shirt she was most likely wearing. The hoodie was one that she’d had longer than the length of your friendship. 

“You down for company?” you asked quietly. You didn’t want your voice to carry, didn’t want to risk it reaching Jesse or Dina in the respective tents. It also felt impossible to speak normally due to the current atmosphere, like it would be insulting to the world to disturb whatever tranquil thing the wildlife and the stars had going on during this time of the night.  

Ellie wrinkled her nose. “Nah,” she muttered. “Go back to your tent.” Her head turned, a crooked smile tugging on her lips as she looked up at you. 

You returned her smile easily, like the silent exchange between the two of you was the most instinctive, natural thing your body had ever done. Then, you forced yourself to roll your eyes. 

“Always so welcoming, you are,” you quipped dryly. “Scoot.” 

Your instruction was an unnecessary one to leave your lips, because Ellie had already started to shift to make room for you the very second that you had smiled down at her. You plopped next to her on the blanket, setting the flashlight to the side on the ground. You unrolled the quilt, tucking it over both of your laps. 

“Aren’t you cold?” you asked, reaching over Ellie to make sure that her pajama pant clad legs were entirely covered. 

In response, Ellie offered another small shrug. “Yeah. But the stars.” 

“But the stars,” you acquiesced. 

Ellie turned her gaze back to the inky sky, her body aware of the familiar warmth of your own at her side. She breathed out, feeling like something within her bones relaxed at the very feeling of it. Your proximity had the same impact as a security blanket or a nightlight, though Ellie seldom spoke of it. The pages of her journal were aware, however–as well as just about anyone that witnessed Ellie merely being in your company. 

It had been a slow, steady thing… the way with which Ellie had found herself at ease while around you. Curse her heart for how comfortability had bled into something more–for how her thoughts managed to run away from her despite her endless attempts to clamp down on them. 

“Have you been out here for long?” 

“Dunno,” Ellie mumbled, a faint crease appearing between her brows. 

“I tried texting you a bit ago, but there’s no fucking service,” you said, keeping your tone soft. Yes, it was quiet, and you didn’t want to disturb anything. But, truthfully, even if you were somewhere different–much louder, during the day maybe–you still would’ve kept your tone the same. There was just something about being around Ellie that made you soften. Like every moment, every interaction was precious. “Figured you’d be up. I was scared to leave the tent and wake Dina up, though.” 

“Did she wake up?” Ellie asked, her gaze shifting to flicker over your features. Ellie loved Dina, of course she did, but she also… deep down, would prefer that this very moment stayed as it was at the current second. Just the two of you. 

You shook your head, a small smile curving on your lips. “No. Out like a light.” 

Ellie huffed out a short breath, almost instantly changing her mind about her previous thought. She did value the time alone that the two of you spent together–always did–but ever since a couple of weeks ago, it had been harder to keep herself and her thoughts in check. 

Not that she had a choice but to deal now, anyway. It was just the two of you, and the stars.

“Same as Jesse,” Ellie finally muttered, dropping her attention to her hands in her lap. “Didn’t realize he’d turn into fuckin’ Mr. Wilderness out here. Tired himself out.” 

A sound of amusement escaped you at Ellie’s words, causing her lips to twitch upward. 

“Kinda wish we were sharing a tent,” you attempted, tilting your head to the side as you looked at her. 

Ellie idly pulled at her middle and index finger, frowning down at her hands. “...Yeah,” she huffed. 

It would’ve been nice–the two of you–like how things often fell to be. But maybe the tent separation was actually a good thing. At least, that’s what Ellie had been trying to tell herself. 

Because it really had been harder for Ellie to keep herself in check as of late. There had been no big, monumental moment that suddenly altered her ability to play it somewhat cool. It had just been a sleepover. A sleepover like the kind that you always had, sharing a bed or a couch or even a floor space, sometimes. But a couple weeks ago, the two of you had woken up differently. Ellie had stayed over at your place after a movie night had run later than expected–no big deal. When she had woken up, though… your leg had been thrown over her. Your arm had been stretched across Ellie’s stomach, and you had been pressed right against her side. Just… existing. Sleeping. 

It hadn’t made Ellie want to laugh. It hadn’t made her want to pull away from embarrassment, or joke about it when you had woken up. No. The simple weight of your limbs against Ellie’s body was quite literally the most comfortable thing she had ever felt. And that made her panic. 

It had startled her, genuinely, how her fingers had twitched–wanting to instinctively skim down your back, or even the expanse of your leg. The urge to wrap her arm around the form of another had never hit Ellie so hard in her life. You had been soft with sleep, warm and cozy against her in a way that Ellie didn’t know how to compartmentalize. 

So maybe it was okay that you hadn’t shared a tent on this camping trip, because Ellie wasn’t sure how she would be able to handle being in such a close proximity to you during sleep, without her body naturally seeking you out after experiencing it just once before–because that once was enough to send signals throughout Ellie’s body and mind that she wanted, she wanted and she missed and she needed. 

But Ellie didn’t like wanting things much. Didn’t like the feeling of needing. She never wanted to be greedy. 

That morning, Ellie had been frozen. Tried to go back to sleep, and then instead settled for pretending like she still was asleep. You had both “woken” up at the same time, giving soft, awkward laughs as you rolled apart. That had been it. 

Surely it was a common experience for pairs of friends everywhere. But not every person had a heart that would beat for their friend in the same exact way that Ellie’s heart would beat for you.  

“They were being super fucking normal today though,” you said. “Jesse and Dina.” 

The two had broken up–again–just under three weeks ago. The plan originally had been for you and Ellie to share a tent, until the breakup happened–which is why you were with Dina, and Ellie was with Jesse. 

The whole day, however, Dina and Jesse had been fine. More than fine, really. They had been joking around and laughing together while helping to set up the tents, and had sat together while the fire dwindled in the late evening. 

A soft scoff fell from Ellie’s lips as she twisted her fingers. “They’ll be back together by the end of the week,” she muttered, lips twitching upward as she shot you a sidelong glance. 

You returned Ellie’s smile easily, heart thumping at the quick eye contact. “Can’t bet against that.” 

Ellie’s smile lingered, even as her eyes shifted away from your face. She glanced elsewhere–anywhere–from her fingers, to the stars. She was too aware of you at her side, knees bumping comfortably. Separated by two layers, your pajama pants and her own, though Ellie could very much feel the warmth of your body at her side from the proximity. She swallowed hard, tugging at her fingers a little more incessantly. 

“That’s not what you’re out here thinking about, though,” you attempted softly. Your head was still turned, never leaving Ellie’s side profile. 

“Huh?” 

“Jesse and Dina’s relationship timeline. Is that what you’re pondering while looking at the stars, or…?” 

“Fuck off,” Ellie huffed, nudging her elbow against your arm. 

You bit back a grin, entirely pleased with any reaction from Ellie, even if it was just her feigning annoyance. “Do you think Joel’s called for a search party yet?” 

Ellie snorted, raising a hand to rub at her eye. It was hard for her to think–or turn her brain off, she wasn’t exactly sure what she wanted–when you were just… sitting so close and verbally throwing things at her. But Ellie didn’t actually mind, either. 

“God, don’t make me think about that,” Ellie muttered, her hand leaving her eye in favor of moving to the back of her neck. She never was very good at sitting still. 

“I can’t stop thinking about it,” you admitted, voice soft yet laced with a hint of amusement. “I almost keep expecting to see his truck pulling up the path.” 

 Dropping both hands back to her lap, Ellie ducked her head and shook it at your words. You had a point though, she knew that. She really had been trying not to think about Joel–how he must be at home, pacing holes in the living room carpet and checking his phone for a text that wouldn’t arrive. 

In Ellie’s defense, she had called during the last gas station stop, before they all lost service. And yet, she knew that Joel would probably stress himself out throughout the weekend… until Ellie, Jesse, Dina, and yourself would be headed back for Jackson and able to call and confirm their whereabouts once more. 

Typically, the summer camping trip consisted of Joel, Tommy, and Ellie. Sometimes Maria. Sometimes you. This year, however, Joel had the idea for Ellie to go with her friends. Well–Tommy had the idea for Ellie to go with her friends, to which he convinced Joel to be somewhat okay with the concept. 

“He’s probably watching the news just in case,” Ellie huffed with dry amusement. 

You quirked a small smile, reaching over to idly adjust the quilt across your laps. Ellie stayed still as you did so, forcing her attention back to the stars. They were the safer thing to pay attention to, as opposed to how careful you were being when trying to make sure that Ellie wouldn’t get cold. Placing an elbow on your leg, you rested your cheek in your palm to peer comfortably at Ellie. Ellie’s eyes remained stubbornly up. 

A brief silence settled–not amongst nature, but between yourself and Ellie. The sight of the stars was gorgeous in Wyoming, especially so far out from any populated town. You admired the sky momentarily, but your eyes always fell back to the side of Ellie’s face. 

“Penny for your thoughts?” you attempted quietly, your tone lighthearted. 

“Pffft.” Legs spread, Ellie drew her knees up toward her chest, pulling her legs out from under the quilt. She rested her elbows upon her knees, her position a lot more casual than she felt internally. Her hands dangled in the space between her legs, and she grasped her own fingers to fidget once more. Ellie squinted at the stars, a crease appearing between her eyebrows. “You know some low-mass stars will end up shining for, like, trillions of years?” 

Immediately, you softened. Whether Ellie was telling you that because it was actually what she was thinking about, or to distract you… the why didn’t matter, because it was still something that she found to be interesting and was sharing with you. “Yeah?” 

“Yeah. They’ll shine longer than the universe has existed so far.” 

“So the low-mass is…?” 

“Determines supply usage, basically. The gas is fuel. Since low-mass stars don’t burn through their supply as rapidly–” 

“They get to shine for longer.” 

“Exactly,” Ellie breathed out. 

You hummed, tilting your head back to peer at the stars. You always appreciated them, but you could get a little more lost in the beauty of it all when Ellie was right there, talking to you about it. “You know what always trips me up?” 

“Your feet?” 

“Ha ha. No,” you replied dryly. You stretched your legs out in front of you. “The whole thing about, like… looking at the stars being like looking back in time.” 

“Oh. Yeah,” Ellie muttered, sparing you a quick glance. “Because of the light. The time it takes light to move through space. Like we’re seeing it at a delay.” 

You knew the fact of it, but you listened intently anyway. “Still trippy,” you murmured. “Like, to wrap my mind around.” 

“Yeah. I guess it is. I think it’s pretty cool, though,” Ellie replied softly, the casual enthusiasm evident within her tone. 

“It is cool. Like a little picture in time.” You adjusted slightly, shifting one of your legs to be beneath where Ellie’s were drawn up. 

Ellie’s gaze flickered down at your shift, but she didn’t move or angle her legs away. It did float the memory back through her mind, the one of the sleepover that she had been trying to mentally avoid. It was so easy for you to just… be in her space. Not that Ellie minded–because really, she didn’t. She liked it a little too much, though, and that was the problem. She could never really pull away from you, even when she probably should. 

“We should take one of our own,” you mused, head tilting. 

“You have your phone?” 

“No. Not, like, an actual picture with a camera. But like… our own little moment in time.” 

Ellie blinked at you, one corner of her mouth lifting begrudgingly. “For…?” 

“For us. For the stars,” you enthused softly, leaning into her side to bump her arm with your own. 

Scoffing, Ellie’s gaze flickered over your features. “You’re so weird,” she whispered, smile growing despite herself. 

“Shut up. Come on, it’s cute. Our own little moment with the stars. Past and present, and whatever. Here.” You shifted closer to Ellie’s side, leaning your cheek against her shoulder as you tilted your head upward. 

“What’re you–” 

“Just smile. For the stars,” you answered simply before grinning right up at the sky, as if someone up above were to take a snapshot of that very moment. 

Cheeks blooming red but disguised by the darkness, Ellie copied your expression with less confidence. Her smile was faint but real, eyes locked on the stars even though her senses were in overdrive due to your comfortable proximity. Ellie leaned a bit into your touch, practically holding her breath at the feeling of your cheek squished against her shoulder. Even through the material of her hoodie, it was close enough contact for Ellie to wonder if all this closeness was just… easy for you. Like you didn’t think about it in the same way that she did. 

You both grinned at the stars, until a small sound of satisfaction fell from your lips. “I think that was perfect,” you said, reluctantly pulling away from Ellie’s side. 

“Yeah,” Ellie muttered, swallowing thickly as she watched. “Perfect.” 

 Your eyes locked–same as always, in a way that was to be expected when spending so much time with someone, and sharing so many moments with them. Ellie’s eyes were probably your favorite thing in the world to look at–aside from her cheeks, her nose, and the freckles that followed the curves of her shoulders–but with this very moment, you felt a strange urge to pull your gaze away from her own. 

It was an odd sort of shyness–the same one that had been clouding you since the sleepover, where you had been too tired and too cozy to try and force yourself to have some sort of strict boundary in your sleep. Sitting with Ellie under the stars now gave you the same weird twist in your stomach that you had gotten then, and had gotten earlier in the evening, too. The four of you had been making s’mores, and you had accidentally watched just a little too intently as Ellie had licked melted marshmallow goo off of her fingers. 

You were so hopelessly captivated by and fond of every little thing about Ellie’s being… more often than not, it felt as though your heart was trying to run away from you and instead head straight to her. 

Normally, you were the one that was better about holding eye contact in the friendship between yourself and Ellie. But you forced your gaze away, letting your arm press against her own instead. 

“Tell me more about your stars,” you said. 

“My stars,” Ellie replied with a breathy chuckle. She shifted to sit cross-legged again, and you pulled your leg out from under her own. “Uh. I really like that we can see the constellations out here. Like, perfectly. You know there’s seasonal ones? Based on the celestial hemisphere, and… Okay, there’s like, the different latitudes that are best for observing. I have that book at home, the one that–” 

“How many actually are there? Constellations.” 

“Eighty-eight.” 

“Right.” 

Ellie continued on, naming off constellations that she’s seen, and ones that she wished to see. You listened–of course you did–but your visual focus was set steadily upon Ellie’s side profile. The way in which her mouth curved and twitched as she spoke. How her eyebrows tended to pull together as she explained. She always did this little head tilt thing while she was talking, you were enamored with it. 

“I mean, seriously,” Ellie continued quietly, gesturing vaguely at the sky with her hand. “Look at that. It’s incredible.” 

“Yeah,” you muttered, brows knitting together as your gaze moved slowly over her features. It was so dark, but you could see her freckles from how close you were. The little auburn wisps of her hair that never stayed pulled back. How her cheeks curved when she smiled. “It’s really fucking pretty,” you continued, voice soft with affection that was so strong, it nearly felt painful. 

If she were a worse person, maybe the ache of longing would kill you. But it was Ellie–your Ellie–so you leaned into the feeling as if it were a safety net. 

Ellie turned her head to look at you, her expression of concentration shifting into one of confusion. “What?” 

You swallowed. “Nothing. Just listening.” 

“Are you?” 

“Yes, Ellie. I always listen when you talk.” 

You did. Ellie knew that. You remembered things about her that sometimes she didn’t even remember. You remembered the things that she would mention only once or twice in passing. You remembered things in great detail, even. It impacted Ellie in ways that she wished she didn’t have to acknowledge. 

“...Yeah. Yeah. I guess you do,” Ellie mumbled. 

“You guess?” 

“Shut up.” 

“You shut up. Look at the stars. Stop.” 

Ellie blinked. Swallowed. Look at the stars, you had said–and yeah, Ellie had been. And she should turn her head right back and stare at them some more… but your gaze was boring into her own, and in a weird way, she kind of was looking at the stars, because your eyes might as well have been up there with those celestial objects due to how mesmerizing Ellie always found them to be. Your eyes. And the stars. 

“I am,” Ellie managed, swallowing once more.  

You had meant it as a physical joke, had wanted to be funny with the way in which you had lifted a hand to Ellie’s face, gently grasping her chin to turn her face away from your own. With your fingers pressing delicately against the warmth of Ellie’s cheeks, however, you found yourself wanting to linger. 

Ellie gave a tiny jerk of her chin, almost like she wasn’t sure whether to pull away or lean into the touch. Your thumb gingerly followed the round of Ellie’s cheek before dipping down to her chin. You gave a small tweak to her chin while scrunching your nose–an attempt at playfulness to spite the hammering of your heart. Then you dropped your hand. 

Ellie attempted to clear her throat, the sound more awkward than not. “You’re so touchy,” she mumbled, one corner of her mouth lifting slightly as she averted her gaze. It was a lighthearted observation, but also a callback in a poor disguise. To the sleepover. The sleeping position that could’ve been a casual thing except for the fact that Ellie hadn’t been able to shake it. 

“Am not,” you mumbled in defense, reaching to fidget with the quilt that wasn’t covering either of your laps now. 

Ellie didn’t know what to make of that. So she continued. “You just had your fingers all over my–” 

“You exaggerate so much.” 

Ellie didn’t know what to make of that, either. Maybe she was exaggerating things. Overthinking. Wanting things to mean more than they actually did. “Coming from you?”

“Yeah, coming from me,” you responded easily, despite the warmth of your cheeks. “I’m an expert, apparently, so I should know.” 

Ellie snorted at that, rolling her eyes. “What is wrong with you?” 

You copied her eye roll. “If you don’t want me to touch you, then–” 

“I didn’t say that,” Ellie mumbled, blinking down at the ground at how the words had sounded upon leaving her lips. She had meant to do a dry retort–to just brush off your comment. I didn’t say that, she had wanted to say with a scoff. But it had instead sounded much too fucking soft. Too honest–like yeah, Ellie really didn’t fucking mind if you touched her. She preferred it, unfortunately, and that very thought made her want to trek into the woods and not come back out. 

The two of you weren’t stupid–just anxious. Oblivious, maybe, regarding the extent of affection from one person to another. You were both very evidently talking around something, that much you were able to recognize. You knew what it was–of course you did. There had only been one thing that had made your friendship feel slightly off as of late–one very tiny, stupid thing. 

You could brush it off. Make a joke and change the topic. Both of you were seemingly good at that. 

Or you could take the plunge. With the stars and the dark and the loud cicadas, you could take the plunge. If the conversation failed you, you would not have to fret. Ellie would save face for you, you knew that much. Your best friend would sooner wave something off awkwardly than try to make you feel bad for it.  

“I’m glad you’re not mad at me,” you muttered, your shoulders rising and falling as you took a deep breath. “I was worried, for like, a minute that–” 

“Mad at you?” Ellie questioned, her eyebrows pulling together as her gaze searched your face. Your words had gotten her attention quickly–not that you ever didn’t have Ellie’s attention. “Why would I ever be– When?” 

You really were doing this now, apparently. Plunging. 

“Couple weeks ago,” you mumbled, shifting to fully face your body toward Ellie, going cross-legged once again. “When we– It’s so beyond stupid, I know. But, I don’t know. I guess I was, like… overly paranoid that maybe I made you uncomfortable or things got weird, or–” 

“Hey, no. It’s fine,” Ellie muttered, shrugging her shoulders and shaking her head at the same time. Her volume was quiet, voice smooth and easy despite the way in which her pulse quickened. Maybe she hadn’t really expected you to truly address it, like, ever. But you were, and you sounded genuinely concerned, and it was sort of messing Ellie up. Especially due to the way that your eyes kept darting over her face. “You didn’t make me uncomfortable. It’s fine, really.” 

“You mean that?” you asked, eyebrows knitting together as your voice softened. “I know I overthink. But I can’t stand the idea of you potentially feeling off and not being comfortable to tell me, or like, if I crossed a–” 

“I’m not uncomfortable. I wasn’t. I didn’t…” Ellie bit the inside of her cheek, tugging idly at her middle finger as she struggled to throw some coherent words together. “I didn’t hate it, or whatever.” 

“You didn’t hate it?” 

Ellie blinked at you, her forehead creasing. She exhaled. “...I don’t know what I’m supposed to say.” 

You blinked back at her, unable to tell if you were teetering at the edge of something or digging yourself into a very deep hole. “You’re not supposed to say anything. I’m just… telling you. Trying to see if–” 

“Did it bother you?” Ellie countered suddenly, tilting her head to the side as if it could help her to better gauge your reaction. “If you’re still on that, and you thought I was mad–” 

“Just because it was different–” 

“Yeah, but I’m telling you, it wasn’t a big deal–” 

“And I don’t think that different necessarily means bad,” you rushed quietly, twisting your hands in your lap. 

Ellie inhaled slowly. Her mind was spinning, heart racing. This definitely was leading into something, she couldn’t play dumb. Despite her own wariness, she couldn’t deny you a conversation if that was what you truly wanted. But Ellie chose her words carefully, still wanting to tread lightly. “Yeah. Yeah, no. It doesn’t mean bad,” she agreed softly. 

You huffed, your cheeks puffing slightly from the action. “I mean, you did basically just say that you didn’t mind if I touched you, so.” Lightheartedness was safe. You were trying. 

“I don’t… think that’s exactly what I said,” Ellie replied, her voice smooth with a feigned nonchalance that she was oddly really good at. 

“Well, I said if you didn’t want me to touch you, and then you interrupted me and went, like, I didn’t say that, so that’s basically–” 

“Impressive short-term memory, dude. Yeah, that just happened.” 

“Shut the fuck up,” you huffed, a wry smile tugging on your lips. It faded too fast, though. You could literally feel it–the way in which your expression melted into something that was much too earnest, but you couldn’t control it. “Ellie. I’m trying to–” 

“Trying to what?” 

You groaned, momentarily squeezing your eyes shut as you tipped your head back. “Can you please just understand? I don’t wanna– Trust your gut. Just, like, say something. Say something real.” 

Trust her gut? Usually Ellie probably did, yeah. But when it came to things like this? Fuck that. 

And yet… 

“You know stars have winds? But they aren’t our kind of wind. They’re like–” 

“Ellie,” you interrupted gently, and then instantly felt guilty for it. “Sorry. I do wanna hear. Tell me in a second. But…” 

You slowly inched your fingers toward her, gingerly nudging the back of your hand against her own. Ellie paused–froze, more like–but she held her breath to listen… giving you the space to figure out what you wanted to say, even if she typically lacked patience. 

“I feel like…” You took a breath, letting your fingers graze against her own before you retreated. Just a little. “There’s stuff that we’re both not saying. And it is kind of driving me crazy, if I’m honest. And if I’m wrong, then tell me I’m wrong, but–” 

“You aren’t. Like, wrong.” The words left Ellie’s mouth without her permission, but now they were out there. Out there between the two of you. Out for the trees and the stars and the owl in the distance to judge. 

The conversation was, realistically, barely anything. But it was still everything. Vague and simple, sure, but Ellie’s verbal confirmation was enough for you. 

“You have to know that I care about you so fucking much,” you managed, your voice hushed. 

And that just about did Ellie in. 

“You have to know,” you continued, emboldened by the night and the comfort of nature draped around you. “There’s no way that you don’t. I feel like I’m obvious. Maybe I’m not. But I can’t tell if you–” 

“What am I supposed to do?” 

“What do you want to do? Do what you want to do,” you muttered, your voice a soft and earnest plea. 

“Fuck,” Ellie breathed out, her green eyes searching your own. She leaned in, just a little, and her heart thumped when you mirrored her instead of pulling back. 

Tentatively, Ellie raised a hand. She allowed it to hover for a moment, before placing it lightly on your shoulder. Her hand lingered, and then it skimmed. For maybe the first time in your entire life, you were completely aware of your own body. Ellie’s hand grazed up the side of your neck before stilling against your cheek. “If you don’t–” 

You leaned in, and Ellie met you halfway. 

Her lips brushed against your own in a way that was soft–trying. They were chapped, warm despite the chill of the air. You took a shuddering breath–or maybe it had been Ellie–and then the kiss ended. 

A slow, careful press of the lips it had been–the pull apart slow, too. You blinked, taking in the sight of Ellie’s face. Her thumb grazed over your cheek twice. A first kiss, so long in the making, with the stars bearing as your witness. 

“That was different,” you attempted, ignoring the way in which your voice hitched with emotion. “But not bad. Like, not bad at all.” 

“No?” Ellie asked, feeling a weird mix between being dazed and overly alert. Her tone was soft, almost bordering on uncertain. 

You shook your head, fingers inching to gently grasp the hem of her hoodie. Just for something to hold–because hoodies were for comfort, and you found comfort within Ellie, so it only made sense. “No,” you murmured, tilting your face just slightly toward her own once more. A silent invitation–kiss me again, if you’d like. I’m right here. I’ll always be right here. 

Clearly, Ellie took note of your signal. She relaxed imperceptibly, your tiny shift being enough to indicate that she didn’t fuck up. If you wanted another kiss, so be it. Ellie could give hundreds. 

“No?” Ellie echoed, this time a little smoother. One corner of her mouth lifted, her gaze flickering over your features. 

“No,” you said again. “Not a bad different.” Your lips twitched in return, your eyes undecided between focusing on her eyes, or her lips. “Good different.” 

Hand still on your cheek, Ellie guided your face back to her own. She kissed you without hesitation this time, lips moving against your own with a steady sort of confidence that could only come from having long-term feelings validated. 

You weren’t even embarrassed about how quickly you melted against her. Your hands fumbled briefly at the hem of your hoodie before you shifted to loop your arms around her neck–anything to keep her warmth close. Lips parted, the kiss deepening–Ellie tasted a hint of mint from your toothpaste and you and your mouth was so warm, she couldn’t possibly give this up for anything. She wouldn’t. 

Her hand stayed steady against your cheek, the touch grounding. Comforting—though everything in the moment genuinely was. Ellie let your tongue slip into her mouth, and your heart soared when she did the same. It didn’t feel messy, or rushed. Just right. 

So right, in fact, that you grinned against her lips and fucked up the rhythm of the kiss. Ellie exhaled a chuckle, and your nose bumped against her own. 

“Do not fucking laugh at me,” you murmured, eyes crinkled shut as your giddy smile lingered. 

Ellie gave a quick peck to the corner of your mouth, kissing exactly where your lips had tugged up. “I’m not. I didn’t.” 

You kissed her cheek in return, silently cursing the dark of the night for disguising the blush that inevitably painted her skin. You could feel it though, the warmth that was there.  

“I do wish we were sharing a tent,” you muttered, circling back to your earlier comment. You opened your eyes to peer at her, but made no effort to pull away. In fact, your arms remained looped around her neck. 

“Complaining,” Ellie remarked, eyebrows quirking upward as she kissed your cheek, and then went for your lips again.

You sighed, lips pecking against Ellie’s a few times. “Not complaining,” you mumbled between short, soft kisses. “Just wishing. Wishing upon a star. Which–” You broke the kiss, just barely, bumping your nose against Ellie’s. “I did want to hear about the wind thing.” 

Ellie made a sound of amusement, which was promptly cut off by you initiating another kiss. You shifted more toward her, Ellie’s form almost starting to lean back before she adjusted. Her hands slid to the back of your head, warm as she held you there. Ellie leaned toward you, one of her knees digging into the blanket covered ground as she dropped a palm down as well to steady herself. You slowly went backward and Ellie followed without breaking the kiss, leaning over you. Your senses buzzed, the quick kisses slowing into something deep. Your fingers laced within her choppy, auburn strands… and you could’ve sworn that Ellie stifled a sigh. 

You went back, back, back–carefully reclining as the warmth of Ellie’s tongue slid against your own. Your back hit the blanket, Ellie’s hands moving to better brace herself… but you instantly inhaled sharply. 

“What?” Ellie rasped, abruptly pulling away from the kiss to scan your face. 

“I went on a fucking stick or something,” you hissed, shooting upwards. Ellie bit back a smile, barely holding back a snort.

Ellie pulled away to let you sit up, her hands hovering. You brushed your trembling hands over your pajamas, shooting Ellie a sidelong glance. Ellie’s chest was rising and falling a bit rapidly, her senses in overdrive. Even so, she rubbed her palm gently over your back, as if to soothe whatever small hurt could’ve potentially been there. You leaned into her touch without thinking about it, the familiarity a strong force even if the type of touch was new. 

“You’re good?” Ellie muttered, fingers twitching over your back–the material of your sweatshirt soft beneath the calloused pads of her fingers. 

You nodded, almost shooting her an incredulous look. “It’s kinda perfect,” you murmured, shifting your gaze to the sky. “Like… this. Being here. The whole night. The stars. They are incredible,” you continued, agreeing with Ellie’s previous statement. 

Ellie exhaled, her eyes glued to the side of your face. With her gaze, she traced your nose. She would kiss that soon, too. “Yeah,” Ellie muttered. 

You leaned into her side, allowing your cheek to squish against her shoulder once more. Both of your heads tilted back, soaking in the sight of the sky for a bit longer before you would have to retreat back to your tents in an attempt at sleep. 

“Tell me about the star space wind thing,” you prompted softly. 

Ellie breathed in, preparing herself. “It’s not actually moving air. They’re really fast streams of particles, basically. They’re called stellar winds, and they emit from stars.” 

You hummed in response—not dismissive, but fully engaged and listening. 

You would, of course, have to rejoin Dina eventually. Ellie would rejoin Jesse. Until morning, at least. 

But for now… it was just you and Ellie. And the stars.

nsfw ahead !!

astrophstudent!ellie  who fucks you how you wanted her to be. Her fingers are right where you want it to be, on that sweet spot that makes you spill her name out of your mouth, her tongue practically making out with your pussy.

astrophstudent!ellie  who admitted that she was a virgin when you both had sex for the first time.

You're flabbergasted of course, the girl made you come twice, and you just learned that it was the first time she did that? Unbelievable. Unbelievably good.

When you asked her where she learned to do that, her answer was short. She just read about it.

astrophstudent!ellie who loses all cognitive functioning for five minutes straight when you first took your shirt off. She was a sucker for boobs, and likes to take her time with them, pinching and licking your nipples. Gives you goosebumps every time.

astrophstudent!ellie who literally perished when you offered to scissor for the first time. You were bored and wanted to fuck her this time.

The soft, dominant girl is long gone when her soaking pussy finally comes into contact with yours. She's panting and gasping after you've finished.

After she caught her breath, all she said was “I wanna do it again.”

astrophstudent!ellie who finally fucked you with her strap on spring break at her house. Where, she quotes, is soundproof and you can scream however loud you like.

You met her parents the next day deliciously sore.

When the break was over, she took the strap with her, unbeknownst to you. You then proceeded to have the best spring break ever.

astrophstudent!ellie who's the queen of aftercare, she doesn't leave you soaking wet and she cleans every drop of your release. She then plops beside you to tell you how great you took her and how amazing you are. She orders take out and makes sure that you are fully hydrated.

In the end, after you're full and satiated, she asks,