Lara Nasseri

No, I know they’d be okay but it’d make me feel beyond endlessly lazy.

I know, I know. It just seems like such a waste to have someone coming all the way out here just because I haven’t found the time to do it myself.

Don’t get me wrong, it is drinkable, it’s just not reached the point of being preferable yet.

That sounds like it’s coming from a place of experience — don’t tell me that you’ve already reached that point? I don’t know where you’d go from there.

I’m afraid I might’ve skipped out on that one. You’ll be pleased to know that I was there for Liebeck v. McDonald’s though, so I’m not without knowledge of coffee-related litigation.

I suppose it probably shouldn’t be all that surprising considering the collection of people who’d be wanting to use it — and perhaps there isn’t room to be fussy about where the coffee’s coming from, as long as it keeps coming.

I need someone to teach me how to use this thing. You know, caffeine withdrawal is listed as a condition in the DSM-5, and my PA has much better things to be doing than fetching me coffee.

If there was one thing that my dad instilled in me growing up, it was to give the Red Sox the respect they deserve.