lareina

my learning and insights about myself

my age today: 16.

who i am tomorrow: to be discovered

this project was indeed a rollercoaster of nostalgia. unlike most people, i actually enjoyed reflecting who i am today and how much i’ve changed. i stuck to my own style and stayed true to what i post. everything in here is authentic and an actual representation of who lareina bulda really is.

with that, it really wasn’t the easiest project to make. i thought to myself countless times, “do i really know myself?” i asked around what others thought about me, but in the end, i’ve realized only i could really tell who i really am. my friends don’t know me as a daughter, while on the other hand, my parents don’t know me as a friend. i’m still the same person, but i know that people have different understandings of who i am.

so this is me. this is lareina, unfiltered, true, and honest. i’ve realized that i’ve grown and am still continuously growing.

i’ve realized i can’t really change my childhood years and my adolescent years. as much as i want to delete my cringey photos and videos, they made me who i am. 

i’ve realized that who i am is reflected in my personality, how i relate to other people, and my body, how i take care of my physical well-being. 

i’ve realized that the foundation of who i am and how i base my actions is seen in my core values.

i’ve realized that my likes and dislikes, my strengths and weaknesses, my dreams, my fears, my passion, and my distraction in life is just an extension of who i am, but they do not fully define my worth.

my distraction in life

as mentioned in my likes and dislikes, i’m fond of watching a lot of tv shows and films. on days wherein i’m drowned in homework, it will always be refreshing to catch up on the shows i’ve missed while i was busy. currently, i’m watching grey’s anatomy (progress: s11e05 na ako!) and a korean drama, my first first love. not only is watching my distraction, but i guess it’s an escape from the real world.

my passion

i often tell myself that i’m not good enough for my passion and that i lack the conviction and courage every aspiring lawyer is equipped with. in the end, i have to believe that my determination will be enough to fuel what i love doing. i’m passionate about helping others, so hopefully, one day, this will be manifested in my future work. hopefully, as a lawyer.

my photo doesn’t necessarily give justice to what i want to do when i’m older. how to get away with a murder doesn’t accurately depict what it’s like to be a lawyer, especially in the philippines. in here, we have a poor justice system (just like in the show), but at the same time, it isn’t really as glamorous as tv shows depict it to be.

my fears

this is one thing that’s cliché and is probably heard millions of times, but i genuinely fear of not being good enough. ang corny kung iisipin, but it’s the truth. this is a hard pill to swallow for me. i guess i know to myself that i can never please everybody in this world. i fear of not being able to fulfill my promise to my parents and that they might think i’m a disappointment. i’m a people pleaser, but i admit, it hurts different when it’s our parents in the discussion.

this is why this (see attached photo) happens. i was always pegged as someone who follows the rules and tries to excel in almost every aspect in my life. during the day this photo was taken, i haven’t eaten breakfast and lunch, spent almost an hour in the scorching heat for a photoshoot for my org, attended a seminar about my future, and barely had any sleep. that day, i felt like i was pushing myself to the limit. i was afraid of failing to the point my body finally gave up on me.

my dreams

it’s not everyday i get to achieve something significant. most days, i find myself lying on my bed, dreading what days have in store for me. despite these conflicts, i make sure that everything i do is to achieve my dreams for myself and for my family.

when i get older, my number one dream in life is to be able to give back to my family. not only is this a dream, but also a promise to myself and to my parents. i dream of buying them a house, comfortable enough for them to live in. i dream of travelling around the world with them using my own paycheck. i want to be able to give back the love they gave me my entire life. this isn’t because i’m in debt, but because i simply love them enough.

other than my family, i wish to have a stable career first, of course. practically, my dreams cannot be put into action without a little money. aside from money, though, what motivates me is the fact that i will be able to extend my help to more people once i work. i understand that i’m not hopeless at all as a teenager, but i guess if i’m older, i will have more resources and more time to extend my help to the ones in need.

my strengths and weaknesses

my weaknesses include patience, focus, and being marupok. (2/2)

✘ PATIENCE a wise man once told me that i’m only patient when i need to be. honestly, it was a hard pill to swallow. my mother also tells me that my time will come eventually. this is one weakness i’d like to improve on. at this point in life, i’m taking life in its own pace. i cannot rush things just because i simply want it. i think it’s time i learn to wait.

✘ FOCUS i’m easily distracted and it sucks, but this is one weakness i could adapt from. because i know i lack the focus, i tend to spread out all the important things i need to do (e.g. perdev digital scrapbook). because of my organization skills, i keep track of each day in my life to get back on track.

✘ MARUPOK if you ask lareina’s friends, 99.9% will tell you she’s marupok. i can’t deny this, honestly. no words can explain how much this stresses me out.

bonus:

my strengths and weaknesses

DISCLAIMER: i asked most of my friends what my strengths and weaknesses are!!

a few of my strengths include my influence, leadership, and creativity. (1/2)

✔ INFLUENCE as someone who has strong beliefs, a lot of people say i’m able to convince others and convert their beliefs (i don’t know how, either). i guess it’s how i always speak up about what i feel towards a particular issue or a situation i’m uncomfortable with. i also try my best to practice what i preach. whenever i advocate for self love, i try my best to practice it, too!

✔ LEADERSHIP this is one skill i didn’t know i had growing up. i was always insecure about leading a group of people, but i know in myself that i had it in me. this is one strength that i was able to hone through the end of junior high school until senior high school. 

✔ CREATIVITY this is something i’m really shocked about. i’m not an artistic person (i cannot stress enough how much i CANNOT do visual art), but i do believe i have an eye for art. i enjoy my creative writing class and try my best to hone my skills there. this strength is one thing i’m still gradually learning to improve on.

exhibit a: even if i consider creativity as a strength, i cannot manifest this in real life. #sadlife

exhibit b: i’ve always enjoyed compiling my memories with people. this helps me improve my ~video editing skills~! attached is the first ~vlog~ i ever posted from february 2018. this video is so close to my heart!

my likes and dislikes

i don’t normally dislike things intentionally. sometimes, i try so hard to ignore what i dislike, but in the end, i simply cannot force what i simply do not click with. this includes some pet peeves and of course, my true enemy, pearls/sinkers/boba on milktea. (2/2)

✘ RUDE CUSTOMERS this is self-explanatory. i cannot deal with people who are mean to people just doing their jobs. i rate these people a 3 out of 10.

my likes and dislikes

my likes include travelling to places, eating food, and spending time with friends and family! (1/2)

✔ TRAVELLING TO PLACES my family and i make it a habit to travel at least once a year. getting lost in unfamiliar places has been our way to connect with each other. though my family is used to bickering, travelling has been our love language. this is why travelling is so close to my heart. it’s also somehow a manifestation of the hardwork, love, and effort of my parents. out of all the places we’ve been to, my favorite trip probably has to be our most recent one in bangkok, thailand. it’s my favorite because the commute wasn’t much of a hassle most of the time and the food was absolutely the best. one day, i’d like to give back to my parents and pay for our future expenses.

✔ WATCHING SHOWS AND FILMS i absolutely love watching films and shows. my favorite film has to be back to the future (1985), while my favorite show has to be gilmore girls (2000-2007). i like being able to immerse myself in fictional places and situations (this is why i also enjoy reading books!!). i’ve also grown to have an attachment with the shows and films i watch. in a more logical sense, watching these shows and films don’t actually make me dumber, but instead, it helps me improve on my critical thinking skills because i simply don’t just digest what i watch. i analyze every character, setting, and plot. this is why this has become one of my favorite past times.

✔ EATING FOOD i’m not much of a heavy eater because of my somehow weak stomach. i get nauseous easily for some godforsaken reason. but on the days when i feel like my stomach needs food, i’m open to eat about anything. my favorite food has got to be salmon sashimi (😋). on the other hand, my comfort food and my favorite ulam has got to be sinigang. food, similar to travelling, is also another love language i share with a lot of people.

✔ SPENDING TIME WITH FRIENDS AND FAMILY above everything i like in this world, i think it’s essential to share these moments with the people i love. i believe in low maintenance friendships, but i think maintaining these relations is one of my absolute favorite things in this world. i love our simple drives with my mom and/or dad in the car and i love our simple talks over dinner. i love how i catch up with my friends any moment and i love how we simply pick up from where we left off. 

my core values

my four core values are service, wisdom, kindness, and growth. all of these work hand in hand to improve myself and to help the world.

♡ SERVICE being able to give back to the world is one of the most important things in my life. every time i an opportunity for me to help those in need, i always try to grab it. it’s important to me to be empathetic in a world where people need help.

♡ WISDOM being wise does not necessarily mean being a math genius (which i’m not). it means being intelligent enough to know what is right and what is wrong. it also means being able to know our own limitations in our actions. being wise is not meant for us to stay within the four corners of the classroom, but instead, it’s for us to go beyond it.

♡ KINDNESS “everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. be kind, always.” this quote from the tv series “skam” has ultimately changed my life. i always do my best to remind myself to be a little more understanding towards other people, to lessen hate than to incite it. even to those who have done me wrong, i will always try to see the good in people.

my body

i’m remembered as the “chubby” one in the family. i had arms and legs that were so compact that when i grew up “skinny”, my family was in shock. i never really had problems with my body growing up. i was tall for my age and underweight growing up (which luckily, i was able to improve on). but in the end, i still possessed my biggest insecurity: my poor eyesight. because of genes, at the age of 7, i was prescribed glasses. now, umabot na sa 500 grado ko (sad story).

despite my flaws and insecurities, i knew my body was still something to be grateful for. i guess i could say i’m fairly healthy even if my lifestyle is nowhere near the spectrum of “healthy”. 

fun fact: i had braces from 12 years old to 15 years old. months after i got my braces taken off, i tripped in school one day and accidentally chipped my tooth of. it was upsetting to live with a chipped tooth for months, but thankfully, i finally got it fixed earlier this year. that, too, became one of my biggest insecurities for a while.

me and my chipped tooth :(

my personality

on my instagram account, i asked my close friends what they think my personality is. i selected a few of the responses.

☼ GOAL-DRIVEN AND ORGANIZED - i have to give credit to my wonderful mother for instilling my organization skills when i was younger. i don’t consider myself the most organized in my household, but i do think my organization skills manifest in handling stress. i keep a planner which i am dead serious about. i do my best to not cram my academics and extra-curricular to avoid stress. (my life is already as hectic as it can be; simply dealing with my work is one way to avoid breakdowns lol)

☼ BUBBLY AND HYPER (in other words, sabog) - this is one aspect in my personality that i’m unashamed of. i admit that i’m a loud person (i do find shame in that), but it’s one way to manifest my outgoing being. i know my limits when to not be “bubbly” and “hyper”, so that is why i find strength in this personality.

☼ AUTHENTIC AND GENUINE - this was flattering when my friends told me this, but i guess i didn’t see this in a bragging manner. i saw this as being naturally true to myself and to other people. i’m sure that i’m not afraid of showing people who i truly am. i don’t pretend to be someone i’m not and i don’t adjust to other people’s standards of who i should be. whenever people try to paint me as someone i’m not, i don’t have to try to hard to prove to them who i really am.