yes! im doing fantastic! thanks for asking! *thumbs up with tears streaming down my face*
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@lanesyleg
yes! im doing fantastic! thanks for asking! *thumbs up with tears streaming down my face*

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I just want my mind to stop

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Suicide feels like a sleeping monster inside me.

Every once in a while when things get really hard it wakes up and tries to convince me to do it… I have to fight it and say no so it goes back to sleep but it’s always drifting in the back of my mind, just in case. I can’t kill it, I don’t know how to make it go away completely, it’s always been there just sleeping and there are periods of time it wakes up more often than others…

I often feel like I’m just staying alive for other people. I don’t want to be alive but I force myself to be for the sake of all the pain I would cause others. I’ll stay alive for now for them, in hopes things will get better…

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Sticky notes
“I have been thinking about suicide a lot lately.”
—
funny how sometimes my brain is like “huh. a trigger” and sometimes my brain is like “FUCK! A TRIGGER!” if you know what I mean

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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some days I still wish I never let myself love anyone at all
“You lived through that, you will live through this too”
Yes, but how many things do I have to live through? How many times do I have to be grateful I made it out alive? When do I get to stop surviving and start thriving?