I'm a bitch, don't deny it

So there’s a chick in my class I like; unfrotunately im quiet, calculated and intelligent and she likes big dumb jocks. So anyway one day me and her boyfriend are walking among a group of our felow students when a gang banger appears and threatens with a gun. Her ‘big and though’ boyfriend instantly freezes and loses the ability to speak. I on the other hand squint my eyes and step forward pulling my katana for judo practise out in one fell swoop. “Go ahead” I say. The gun is only 400 years old while the sword is the child of many millenia. Do you fancy the odds?“ Instantly the gang-banger drops his weapon and runs. My other classmates cheer while her jock boyfriend pretends the whole thing was funny. She looks at me and sees what she didnt see before. She thanks me with a kiss, but I don’t smile because I was only doing my duty. Safe to say she saw who a real man was that day. I may be quiet and collected, but raise a weapon against me and youll face your worst nightmare

keep rebloggin fake ice eaters r gettin mad

reblog to raid the sun at midnight while its sleeping and distracted to steal its heat for the winter

The sun is an object… It doesn’t sleep…

excuse me. i have a quadruple phd in orb study and what you have is disrespect, i know what im talking about 

i….don’t know anyone named todd in real life. like ive never actually met a todd. where are they

new cryptid of 2016: todd

I know a Todd. He cuts my grass.

I feel like TheBootyDiaries is that one pretty friend who is really funny and at the same time will come up to your window at 3 am asking if you want some noodles.

i am always lurking in the bushes with a ramen noodle

A single ramen noodle?

I’m so confused why he would think cookie dough would give him salmonella??? What parent told him this. There’s no chicken in there!

Two words: Raw eggs.

?? What kind of world do you live in where Raw eggs carry salmonella or are in anyway unsafe

Don’t ask me, ask them Americans. I’m an Asian just passing the word on

Thank u so fucking much for this wisdom

wait you’re telling my i can get E, Coli just FROM EATING FLOUR straight from the bag???

Why..why are you eating flour straight from the bag?

its good