lana without limits

i haven't shared too much about my love life on this fitblr, but i've been thinking a lot lately...

for a very long time, i thought my value was held ONLY in the way that I look and interestingly enough, my love life has consisted mainly of hookups and fuck buddies.

no real depth. no real connection.

the questions i've been asking myself a lot lately -

what does it mean for the quality of my relationships if i only hold physicality (my own and my partner's) to be the most important thing?

what does it mean for my own self worth and my confidence and comfort with potential partners if i can't be comfortable with myself? 

how can i ask someone to really get to know me if i don't take the time to get to know myself?

why am i so afraid to let someone in?

i think the answer to last question is that i've been so afraid that he'll find me wanting. the same way i've been feeling for the last 23 years.

Featured Workout Song of the Day:

Shot You Down by Audio Bullys feat. Nancy Sinatra

I haven’t been on here lately, but I thought I’d give you all an update.

After four weeks since my last weigh in, I’ve lost 8.5 pounds and gained a significant amount of muscle.

Friends, this is progress! Thank you for being my source of motivation, inspiration, and support throughout this journey. Here's to continuing along that path to fitness and healthy living.

Workout

2 hour tennis match with my brother, tied sets (1-1)

Food Summary

Breakfast: 1 banana, bowl of oatmeal, cup of coffee

Snack: Luna bar 

Lunch: chicken caesar salad with dressing on the side

Dinner: Salmon, brussel sprouts, small baked potato

Comments

I am sore! and tired... didn't sleep last night until 1:30am. I think it's making my metabolism slower so I am determined to go to bed at 11pm tonight. Water was a bit hard today but I got a good amount in. Still can't find my water bottle :/ will need to get a new one tomorrow!

Workout

1 hour training session with Nick followed 40 minute walk/run 

*I'm following the Couch to 5K running plan. I guess you could say I'm on Week 5. I started and ended with a brisk 5 minute walk, with (4) 5 minute run with 3 minute walks in between intervals. Just did an extra 5 minutes, no big :)

Food Summary

Breakfast: 1 banana, 1/2 bagel with cream cheese, iced vanilla latte

Lunch: 1 sandwich with turkey, cheese, tomatoes, and mustard, 1 cookie

Dinner: 8 pieces of sushi rolls, 1 single scoop of ice cream

Comments

I need another waterbottle, preferably a clear one, so I can track my water intake! it gets bad sometimes... and then to sleep better. It would help if I worked out earlier, I think. Still trying to get my schedule on track.

Workout

9:20pm-10:00pm 40 minute elliptical 

Food Summary

Breakfast: Cereal

Snack: Two Chewy granola bars (90 cal/each)

Lunch: Sandwich with chicken breast, cheese and lettuce

Dinner: 1 chicken burrito, 1 fruit smoothie, 1 banana

Comments

Glad I got to the gym today, hung out with a friend too and was able to talk about life... I'm thinking I should bring an extra water bottle to work, because today i was definitely dehydrated and I was feeling it! Sleep, obviously - I need to get on it!

Workout

8:15am-9:15am 1 hour yoga class

Food Summary

Breakfast: Cereal, Banana, Hard-boiled egg

Lunch: 1/2 Sprouts sandwich, Black beans and corn

Snack: 1 Can of frozen coconut juice, 2 glass of white wine, 3 small tamales

Dinner: Salad with chicken, tomatoes, and grapes

Comments

Need to work on those side planks! Yoga was nice, but a little too out there for me. It's a good workout though for a lazy Sunday... Still definitely need to work on my sleep schedule (it's 12:30am!) but it's okay. small victories, everyday!