Fuck off. @lambert2269 - Tumblr Blog

“I want to decompose in a bog” well you clearly don’t know the first thing about bogs. Clout chaser

Huge fan of the phrase "get pickled, idiot"

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Knowing how to pick locks has opened a lot of doors for me

#hehehehe

Hey @berengar2269 Why do cows have bells?

Because their horns don't work.

#hehe

Having a crush is the worst, because you are both utterly terrified of them finding out and also quietly, silently wondering if it wouldn't be so bad if they did.

What do you get if you cross an angry sheep with a moody cow?

An animal that's in a baaaaaaaaaaad mooooooooooood

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... I literally forgot about these entire shenanigans, man. @gaetan22269 This was logged in on my phone, I'm dying giggling reading back all the silliness.

How do you make an egg giggle? Tell it a yolk.

I tell dad jokes but I have no kids.

I’m a faux pa.

Knock, Knock

who's there?

Daisy

A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night…

oof.

#heh

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Son, you're adopted

"I Knew it! I want to meet my biological parents."

"We are your biological parents, your adoptive parents will come for you tomorrow."

#law of kiss my ass

In every koi pond of four or more, at least one is always fake.

You’ve got koi’s A, B, C, and then the D koi

What do you call a pig with three eyes?

Piiig

When I was a kid my mom told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. As it turns out, identity theft is a crime.

#Pants are overrated it's true

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Woke up today. It was terrible.

I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.

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Fuck off.