moving

          ❛❛      yes?      ❜❜          you whisper to him,     full of anticipation.     my love,     you call him in your mind and your heart aches.     it is still a wonder that out of all the people,     suitable ones,     you could have possibly fallen and felt love for,     you ended up feeling towards a gardener who had nothing to give.     he could surely never satisfy all of your needs and yet you feel as if his love only could truly be enough for you.     you feel as if you could actually be happy with him.     but this is not meant to be,     you know it too well and it brings you pain to see his naivety when talking of a great new start the two of you could get together.     a part of you wants it greatly,     wants you to get up and leave right on spot,     but the other part tells you not to do a thing.     you’ve seen it in your dreams too,     he isn’t a part of your fate.          ❛❛      oh,     nik  ...      ❜❜          sigh.     you look into his face and then close your eyes tightly when a kiss is placed on your forehead.     you do it to keep the tears away,     and yet they all slip now and run down your face.     if only these fantasies could become true  ...          ❛❛      you  will  come,      ❜❜          determinedly,          ❛❛      i  will  have  a  talk  about  it  right  after  my  arrival!     perhaps  i  could  have  you  brought  there  as  my  personal  gardener?     you  know  my  taste  ...     yes,     wouldn’t  that  be  great?      ❜❜          you offer him an alternative,     a hand caressing his cheek the opposite way of another of your tears falling down.     to escape,     it is as if you have not even tried.     and you can’t do this to your father too,     no matter how much   -          ❛❛      i  love  you.     surely  we’ll  figure  it  out  somehow,     there  is  time  left  still!     please,     don’t  you  say  that  ...     i  will  not  ever  stop  loving  you,     i  simply  could  not!      ❜❜          you say and your lips rush towards his.     you could also never forget.

          a hand remains on the top of this lovely necklace as you’re taken aback in the most pleasant way possible.     you have dreamed of this too.     you have always found alexandra lovely,     the care she served you with and the way she smiled,     no matter her position.     you even smile into the kiss too,     unable to hold it as your lips move to savour hers back.     given some of the fun you already experienced back in france,     it is not your first encounter with a woman either.          she tastes like raspberries to you,     causing you not to pull away immediately.     you do like and enjoy every bit of this,     though,     you can’t be caught seen like this   -   not at times as rough for you as this,     let alone with another woman.          ❛❛      miss  drayton,      ❜❜          you whisper to her lips,     smiling,          ❛❛      is  this  what  they  taught  you  as  a  part  of  a  ‘good  night’  ritual?     they  should  give  you  a  raise,     that’s  for  sure  ...      ❜❜

          ❛❛      i  could  have  looked  out  for  yourself  too,     if  only  you  allowed  me,     if  only  you  weren’t  so  ...      ❜❜          his eyebrows furrow,     though the look on his face seems to be somewhat gentle still.     how long has passed since he saw her last,     when he would find himself happy by her side only?     how long has passed since you first thought her dead?          ❛❛      i  could  have  helped  you,     katherine.     i  would’ve  done  anything  for  you  then.      ❜❜

          ❛❛      i  despised  you  first!      ❜❜          it is very likely true too,     it happened often that all it took you to begin to hate someone,     was just to see them first.     you’d judge them by their looks immediately and categorise them in tiny folders inside your mind.     leyla doesn’t belong to any of the lucky ones that you treat well,     let alone love them.          ❛❛      you  are  the  worst  person  i  know!     and  i  was  here  first,     go  away!     no  one  wants  you  here.      ❜❜

          standing by a window,     one arm is across your chest,     hand cupping an elbow of your other arm as fingers brush over your chin softly.     you peek outside from behind the curtains,     making sure everything outside is okay as you wish it to be still.     your gaze next wanders to a closed door of the other room,     in which your little brother is asleep.     good,     he finally gets some rest.     then your attention switches to another of current residents of this place,     fingers letting go of your chin upon hearing him,     almost as if you worry they might make you seem weak in his eyes and you don’t want that.          ❛❛      try  me,      ❜❜          you say and place the other arm across your chest too.     you wonder what it could be about while you take steps closer to him,     but then end up kneeling down to the fireplace.     you do not have him face your back,     though,     but rather the side of you as you grab another piece of wood to put in the fire,     enough to keep it going until the morning.          ❛❛      ask  me  anything,     it’s  not  the  end  of  the  world.      ❜❜

          the brief patterns on the sky,     you observe and analyse them all quietly,     enjoying what you couldn’t get for a long time im a while.     now it is finally your time to slow down for once,     try not to not worry too much and enjoy the moment.     it feels almost unnatural to you to have this much peace for once,     but you enjoy it.     that’s for until you hear a movement and automatically reach out for the rifle beside you fast,     looking in the direction of the sound.     a sigh of relief escapes you without your lips opening and they form a small smile upon seeing your brother come and sit to you.     observing him looking at the stars just like you did a minute ago,     you think of how much you love him,     more than you could ever love yourself.     he is the source of   -          ❛❛      and  i’m  the  happiest  with  you  ...     though  i  thought  you  were  already  asleep,     young  man.      ❜❜          you smile,     taking a blanket off your shoulders and placing it over his,     not moving your hands away until you’re sure it won’t fall off and will keep him warm.          ❛❛      what  do  you  see  up  there,     huh?     can  you  predict  future  based  on  the  stars?      ❜❜

(    *  a multimuse blog containing canon and original characters written by holly, 21

          i observe your face carefully while you’re taking a look at the photos.     the exact amount of them is 6 and i move my finger slow,     so you can see how calm i am about this and that there is nothing to not believe.     your exes might have been as dishonest as one can get,     but that’s not me.     you should know that.          ❛❛      it’s  fine,     i  used  to  be  like  that  too.      ❜❜          they really did a number on you,     didn’t they?     based on most of your dating history i have succeeded to reveal,     it is not exactly as if you know how to pick someone who will treat you great as you deserve.     you made a lot of repetitive mistakes that make me question   -   do you even want that?     do you even want that kind of love straight out of a fairytale   (or your favourite pitch perfect,     in that matter)   ?     do you only want to be treated like that little whore for everyone to see as you appear to be by your window?     i am perfect for you,     i can give you both.     anything you desire.          ❛❛      please,     let me see your favourite food spot.      ❜❜          a brief smile.          ❛❛      i'm in the mood for whatever psychopaths like  ...      ❜❜          i say,     i joke,     though i am in the mood for you only.     will you be mine,     beck?

          his trust in your innocence is rather admirable.     even you realise that!     having all fingers pointed at you,     no matter whichever way you decide to go,     the feeling of all this being a fever dream only slowly begins to disappear and next what you’re left with is a lie,     a corrupted one,     painted as the truth for you to say and admit.     hearings,     proofs,     gore photos,     blood,     vomit,     yelling   -   that’s all common to you now and it’s affecting you greatly.     you got brought here and fought for yourself like a lioness,     but now your glory is fading and a dark cloud sets upon your head.     you hope it won’t begin to rain.          ❛❛      they  aren’t  true  ...      ❜❜          you repeat after him,     and you do repeat words after other people quite often now.     what even are you thinking now?     a hand raises to gently rub your temple on the left in circles and then disappears buried in your blonde hair brushed back.     your gaze shifts lower when his hand slithers your way and you watch it,     momentarily flinching at a gore memory inside your mind after you connected this with one of the many photos.     you shut your eyes tight and then turn your head to the side,     eyebrows furrowed very slightly,     though you can feel your own hand slowly moving to his,     fingertips reaching out his way.     words can’t express how much you appreciate your brother,     how much you love him,     and yet you are suffocating here.     how long is left of all this,     how long until it is over,     how long until it’s over with you too?          ❛❛      does our mum know?      ❜❜

          once you’re finished with the pleasant part,     you can find yourself panicking over this again.     it isn’t that you wouldn’t find him attractive   -   you wouldn’t have him lay in your bed clotheless if you wouldn’t,     but this could simply never work out.     no matter how attracted you are to him ever since the short 7 minutes in heaven,     you are well aware of your position,     of how you are and how he is and how your aesthetics could never get to match at all.     this might as well be the death of your parents if they were ever to find out.          ❛❛      oh  god,      ❜❜          you say,     except this time it doesn’t sound as breathy as it did minutes ago,          ❛❛      not  in  my  bed!     i  can’t  have  my  bed  sheets  smell  of  that!      ❜❜          once you say that,     you quickly take a loose crop top on and then throw a mix of arnie’s clothes his way.     that’s before your eyes roll and you move towards the bed,     hands pulling back up these pink shorts you had on before you fell for him again.          ❛❛      you  ...     rocked  my  nothing!     this  was  ...     this  never  happened!      ❜❜          you’re bullshitting yourself there,     how many times have you already said that to him before?     how many times have you daydreamed about the time you would get to be alone like this again,     how many times have you written in your diary about him in a positive way only?     letting out a groan,     you turn to grab a hairbrush off a vanity table and then jump sit on your bed,     having him face your back before looking over your shoulder to hand him the tool and as if you worry no longer,     you smile.          ❛❛      brush  my  hair  for  me,     will  you?      ❜❜

          ❛❛      i  don’t  know  ...     i  think  i’ve  had  them  since  forever,     when  i  was  a  kid.      ❜❜          they all come from the experiences you’ve had in the past and have still,     it’s happened so much you grew to consider it normal.     it’s a great part of you.     a sigh escapes you before turning in the bed to lay on your back now,     yet your head turns to the side to take a look at your lover.     she is everything you’re not and you could never understand how could this even come to happen,     but there you are now,     together.          ❛❛      why,     do  you  not  get  them  too?      ❜❜

@nikleus​​