Time has passed and there were days where the thoughts were at bay. No despair creeped through the cracks. Yet, when they do, the tidal wave of unforgiving self doubt and hate just sweep the mind into an oblivion. How can one be swayed by something as simple as an emotion? To not feel could be the uprising and downfall of a person. For one who is simply alone, in life and thoughts, the feelings dictate the very fiber of their being. To see others feel loved, happy, full of life, and joyous just makes the self hated person feel like the world is always better off without them in it. Yet, to watch the world spin into a new day is something to look forward to. To hope that those feelings will be bestowed upon you. To hell with only relying on yourself and how you feel towards yourself. We all want to be apart of something, to be loved by someone, to feel like we are cared for. When we don’t, we fall apart. We stop feeling. We stop wanting to live. But when you give up so much to help others for nothing in return, when is it enough to finally let that tidal wave sweep over you into oblivion. Let the darkness take control.