Lady in Blue Socks

Your time as my mama was unfortunately short. There were countless times when I wished for your comfort and guidance, and there will always be in the future. But I understand that everything happens for a reason, and this includes your arrival and departure as my mama.

Here are the important lessons that you’ve taught me:-

To always have patience with my older siblings. It is okay to not respond even when their words hurt.

To always be kind to yourself because you can’t expect everyone to.

It is okay to not finish my meals.

How to cook for my family.

How to clean the house.

To understand that people communicate differently.

To be genuine with my actions - even if noone is there to see them.

To never settle for anything less, especially if it’s about my wellbeing and happiness.

To treat others like how I want others to treat me.

Since your passing, there were many nights where I felt your absence. I wanted to hear your voice, see your smile and feel your warmth. I wanted to turn my head at my bedroom door and see you peeking in - like those times when you checked in on me. I wanted to receive goodnight kisses from you before you go to sleep. Tonight is one of them.

At whatever I do. I want to make you proud of me, of the person I became and how I turned out. I’m sure that you were very worried about your youngest born, especially after you found out about your illness. It’s okay, mama. It was hard for me growing up without you. But you were actually there. You were always there, and will always be with me.

I am learning to forgive myself for our bad memories together, because I know that you have forigven me a long time ago. I will get there, mama. I will take them as lessons and carry them when I become a mom myself. I doubt that I’ll turn out better than you ever were because you’ve established a very high standard, mama. I will always tell your grandkids about you, and I’m sure that they will love you too.